I am far from an expert so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't think "as gentle as an egg" is considered a very credible method anymore. Even top bullseye type shooters don't do that because they too need to control recoil. For a self-defense oriented or action-pistol oriented shooter the grip should at least be firm. I think a reasonable method is to see how hard you can grip the gun without your hands shaking and make adjustments from there.