I came to a lot of the same conclusions in my foray into finding smaller 45s...I have a couple of Combat Commanders, but one of them was one I bought for my dad before he passed so I'm keeping that one, and the Colt Combat Elite Commander I'm keeping for trade or sale booty later. I had a Wiley Clapp CCO and it was great to carry but pretty badly ripped up the web of my hand with duty/carry ammo...it was just not fun to shoot after a while and that cloud of "man this is going to suck to shoot" every time I yanked it from my holster just was too much to get over.
The only super compact 45s I ever liked and don't mind shooting are Detonics CombatMasters; they're really not bad. I'd take one of those over a lightweight Commander...in fact, I did; I've got two of the stupid things But they both run great, albeit they do go through mag springs faster than a black lab goes through a roast chicken left on the counter.
The only Commander-sized guns I'm really ever going to use/carry are in 9mm or 38 Super..a lightweight Commander in 38 Super is about a perfect carry gun as you can find; the only thing better would be a CCO in 38 Super honestly and that's probably what I'll be building next.
I tried Sig P220s; effectively a DA/SA lightweight Commander. I tried a Compact P220...almost indistinguishable from a full size P220 IMO; really not all that bad for it's size, and I carried it for a while but if you ever do something dumb like shoot it next to a Gov't Model...you'll wonder if the size is worth the sacrifice of being able to shoot it all day long.
Honestly, a USP is flippy as well. Really not far removed from a lightweight Commander. I had a Mk24/HK45C...I carried it for a while and tried for more than a year to love it. It would just flip so much though. One day I wasn't ready for it and it wrenched my wrist back and that was a sprain that took a while to get over. Sold it not long after. Maybe my soft IT-professional wrists just weren't up for it...we're all different, so those who can pound one of those for hundreds of rounds every day, I'm jealous of.
The only 45s I have left that I'd comfortably carry and shoot and not ever feel like I'm hurting myself by doing so...full size Gov't 1911s, my CZ97, Glock 21. HK Mk23 follows those. After that, Detonics CombatMasters. From there, it all kinds of run together into Combat Commanders, USPs and P220s, lightweight Commanders and CCOs...