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Thread: In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Wins/Why?

  1. #21
    Member LHS's Avatar
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    I'd have to go with Jackson, but Washington and TR would be a close match. JFK would secretly bang all the First Ladies the night before and be too tuckered out. So would Clinton, but he'd be ruthless enough to forge alliances that he'd break at the drop of a blue dress.

  2. #22
    Four String Fumbler Joe in PNG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LHS View Post
    I'd have to go with Jackson, but Washington and TR would be a close match. JFK would secretly bang all the First Ladies the night before and be too tuckered out. So would Clinton, but he'd be ruthless enough to forge alliances that he'd break at the drop of a blue dress.
    If Billy or John boy were to put the moves on the first ladies, and if Jackson was to find out... the match would be over very quickly. No one would really know what happened due to a fine mist of blood obscuring the arena. The final 4 would be determined not by skill or strength, but by distance from Jackson... and forensics after the fact.

    Anderew Jackson was a bit like the Hulk- the madder he was, the stronger he got. And messing with his wife made him really angry... and you wouldn't like that!

  3. #23
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    What's missing from this analysis is that in a mass free-for-all, the outcome is determined more strongly by alliances than individual skill. Think Survivor. The real question is to look at where alliances would form... would the Republicans and Democrats group together? Would the older Republicans like Abe have anything to do with W and Bush Senior?

    I think the post civil war Republican bloc could be a pretty tough out. Multiple war veterans and fairly strong continuity, combined with old timers sense of gentlemanly honor to keep the group together. You know that if Carter, Clinton, Johnson, and Obama teamed up that Clinton and Johnson would trade them to the other team the moment it seemed like they could get an advantage. Similarly, Reagan and the Bushes would shank Nixon before he had a chance to open his mouth.

  4. #24
    Jackson takes it easily.

    Demonstrated ability to absorb melee damage.

    He's got killer instinct.

    God is on his side.

  5. #25
    Site Supporter JFK's Avatar
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    I would say Thomas Jefferson because he would have the VP that takes a gun to a knife fight.

  6. #26
    Site Supporter JodyH's Avatar
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    The alliance between Reagan/Bush/Bush would be tough to overcome.
    Reagan was a stout guy in his day, Bush Sr. was military/CIA trained and Bush Jr. is very active and wiry.
    Two brawlers (Ronnie and Jr.) along with a tactician (Sr.).
    "For a moment he felt good about this. A moment or two later he felt bad about feeling good about it. Then he felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and, satisfied, drove on into the night."
    -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy --

  7. #27
    Site Supporter JodyH's Avatar
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    If you throw the VP's into the ring, Cheney would rock the house.
    I'd put Cheney up against Ol' Hickory any day when it comes time to gutter fight.
    "For a moment he felt good about this. A moment or two later he felt bad about feeling good about it. Then he felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and, satisfied, drove on into the night."
    -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy --

  8. #28
    Member TGS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ford.304 View Post
    What's missing from this analysis is that in a mass free-for-all, the outcome is determined more strongly by alliances than individual skill. Think Survivor. The real question is to look at where alliances would form... would the Republicans and Democrats group together? Would the older Republicans like Abe have anything to do with W and Bush Senior?

    I think the post civil war Republican bloc could be a pretty tough out. Multiple war veterans and fairly strong continuity, combined with old timers sense of gentlemanly honor to keep the group together. You know that if Carter, Clinton, Johnson, and Obama teamed up that Clinton and Johnson would trade them to the other team the moment it seemed like they could get an advantage. Similarly, Reagan and the Bushes would shank Nixon before he had a chance to open his mouth.
    I would agree with you except they're in a ring the size of the Colosseum, not a deserted island or forest a few kilometers wide like The Hunger Games. Unlike some Gladiators in the Roman days, they're not going into the fight as a team either. The tempo and close proximity of the fighters would prevent alliances from forming.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by JodyH View Post
    Reagan was a stout guy in his day, Bush Sr. was military/CIA trained and Bush Jr. is very active and wiry.
    Bush Sr was the pilot of a torpedo-bomber.


    I wouldn't bank too much on that as a winning trait in a knife fight.

  10. #30
    Hokey / Ancient JAD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JodyH View Post
    .
    Carter down in the first 30 seconds.
    unless he convinced himself that some of the other presidents were Jewish.
    Ignore Alien Orders

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