In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Wins/Why?

[NickA]

What kind of shape was Teddy in during his presidency, though? And wasn't he relatively short? I think he'd be one of the top 5 or so, but I think someone with superior physical attributes - like Washington - would take him out.

Very good, I think. Would have been about 43 when he took office, only a few years after leading the Rough Riders, and was known to engage in the most strenuous activities he could at every opportunity.
AFTER his presidency he was still strong enough to go on an extended African safari, get shot and continue giving his speech, and lead an absolutely epic expedition down an uncharted river in Brazil with his son Kermit. (River of Doubt is a great book about this)
His health didn't start declining until after this trip, due to an infection from a leg wound, worsened by the bullet that was still in his chest (removing bullets is for pansies, dontcha know).
So yeah, early in his presidency he was probably strong enough to punch bears for fun.

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[Al T.]

Washington, Jackson and Lincoln for the top three. Teddy would be up there unless he loses his glasses.

[TGS]

Very good, I think. Would have been about 43 when he took office, only a few years after leading the Rough Riders, and was known to engage in the most strenuous activities he could at every opportunity.
AFTER his presidency he was still strong enough to go on an extended African safari, get shot and continue giving his speech, and lead an absolutely epic expedition down an uncharted river in Brazil with his son Kermit. (River of Doubt is a great book about this)
His health didn't start declining until after this trip, due to an infection from a leg wound, worsened by the bullet that was still in his chest (removing bullets is for pansies, dontcha know).
So yeah, early in his presidency he was probably strong enough to punch bears for fun.

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Lets not forget that he wanted to raise another volunteer infantry and take them to Europe as part of WWI.

Definitely still had it in him.

Unless Teddy could form an alliance in order to beat Jackson and then kill everyone else afterwards, I'm sticking to Jackson winning. He was forged out of the imprisonment, starvation and physical abuse by the hands of the British. Completely ruthless and cold hearted individual, he executed several of his soldiers for inebriation. He beat the living shit out of an assassin, and held the wildest open-invitation keggers at the White House. Also as President, he gave a big "F you" to the US Constitution and told the SCOTUS to stuff it while proceeding to destroy American Indian nations. Tony Montana ain't got shit on Andrew Jackson. Jackson will do whatever it takes to win. He is not a team player. He is not the least bit ethical. He fights dirty, and rigs the fight beforehand in addition. He'd win.

[NickA]

So basically Darth Vader with a walking stick, eh?
You've planted the seeds of doubt.
ETA : I think we need vital stats on the top four, it's too close to call.
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[Andy in NH]

What kind of shape was Teddy in during his presidency, though?

Pretty good I'd say:

His favorite indoor sports to practice in the White House included jujitsu, wrestling, and boxing.

Although this might factor in unfavorably for him:

In 1905, while boxing with a military aide, Roosevelt was punched in the left eye and permanently blinded.

Read more here.

[jstyer]

Teddy Roosevelt for the win, hell he'd probably cut himself before the opening bell just to get in the mood.
Carter down in the first 30 seconds.

+1

Teddy no problem... I also agree with Jackson having the highest kill count, but Teddy and the Stache take the day without a sweat.

[JHC]

Washington of course.

It was close between Washington and Jackson but I have to tilt Washington based on his physical stature, personal courage and divine protetection (per Indian shaman of the day). Then again it was once said Jackson had "shoot in his eye". But this is a knife fight so . . .

[Maple Syrup Actual]

Would it be possible to have killed William Howard Taft with a knife that short?


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[Joe in PNG]

My top 4:
-George Washington
-Andrew Jackson
-Abe Lincon
-Teddy Roosevelt

Of the 4, Teddy has teh m4d skilz, Washington has luck, Lincon has strength, and Jackson is just freaking angry crazy.

Face it, if Ol Hickory can't have a cane, he'll just use Obama's leg as a club. Jackson would win. He might die right after striding off the field of battle, but he would win. This is a guy who's dueling strategy was "let the other guy shoot me first so I can have time to aim and hit them properly."

[TGS]

My top 4:
-George Washington
-Andrew Jackson
-Abe Lincon
-Teddy Roosevelt

Of the 4, Teddy has teh m4d skilz, Washington has luck, Lincon has strength, and Jackson is just freaking angry crazy.

Face it, if Ol Hickory can't have a cane, he'll just use Obama's leg as a club. Jackson would win. He might die right after striding off the field of battle, but he would win. This is a guy who's dueling strategy was "let the other guy shoot me first so I can have time to aim and hit them properly."

Hahahaha, well put!