I think I'm burned out

[Mitch]

Being truly good at something requires sacrifice to be honest. I’m not saying you can’t have a family and do BJJ. I’m just saying leaving the house getting home from work at 5:15 and leaving at 6:00 and coming home at 9:00 PM 2-3 days a week did not bode well long term for my marriage. Especially after kids.

It got to the point where I just went straight to the Jits from work and ate dinner in the parking lot two days a week after having my first born. I just quit going home. I stopped when I was preparing for the CCNP Route exam and failed that twice.

I dunno I think it takes a family with understanding of that expectation to do it well. By the way, that’s not a huge amount of training. Serious top level athletes train like 5-6 times a week, often multiple times a day and lift weights / do other exercises. I’m nothing exceptional in fact - I might’ve been considered more casual.

They wanted to know why I didn’t compete as well.

If there are guys that can make it work - I’m all ears. Please advise - sincerely. I’m completely able to say “I don’t know”.

Father of 3 under 5 years old and BJJ black belt here.

How far away is your gym? Best thing I did was cut down my commute time. Life got a lot better when I was able to train hard for an hour and not be gone for three hours. I can stop at home, make dinner for the family, go roll and be back in time to put kids to bed. I’m super lucky to have a gym 5 minutes from my house but it was absolutely game changing for me.

Then some of it is what you prioritize. I like shooting, bjj, hunting, archery, motorcycles…you get my drift. Think I have time for all of that? Not even close. So you have two options really…dabble in a few things and accept some degree of mediocrity in them, or pick one and rip the dick out of it. Now, with a family that still may only mean 2-3 times a week like you said, but if that’s the best you can do so be it. It’s still better than nothing at all. You can supplement with online instructionals, but that’s not my jam personally.

Now, here’s the most important part. My wife is awesome. She knows I’m a better person and father if I get some bjj in a couple times a week. The flip side to that is I don’t abuse it and go all the time, and we make sure she has time to do whatever she needs to recharge, too.

[BWT]

Father of 3 under 5 years old and BJJ black belt here.

How far away is your gym? Best thing I did was cut down my commute time. Life got a lot better when I was able to train hard for an hour and not be gone for three hours. I can stop at home, make dinner for the family, go roll and be back in time to put kids to bed. I’m super lucky to have a gym 5 minutes from my house but it was absolutely game changing for me.

Then some of it is what you prioritize. I like shooting, bjj, hunting, archery, motorcycles…you get my drift. Think I have time for all of that? Not even close. So you have two options really…dabble in a few things and accept some degree of mediocrity in them, or pick one and rip the dick out of it. Now, with a family that still may only mean 2-3 times a week like you said, but if that’s the best you can do so be it. It’s still better than nothing at all. You can supplement with online instructionals, but that’s not my jam personally.

Now, here’s the most important part. My wife is awesome. She knows I’m a better person and father if I get some bjj in a couple times a week. The flip side to that is I don’t abuse it and go all the time, and we make sure she has time to do whatever she needs to recharge, too.

Nice!

I actually used to go to the gym closest to me and that was about 20-30 minutes away (depending on traffic, it was worse when I headed there than when I returned). I did not skip open mat - that could’ve helped.

I do go to a gym (traditional exercise gym) at a half mile from my house 2-3 days a week now on lunch breaks. I get it and approve of your advice!

My youngest turns 3 months old next week. I also changed jobs back in October and do travel for work periodically now.

I guess the big thing I’d say for me right now is (and I don’t want to hijack the thread about me. I observed the OP was basically doing what was probably 20-30 hours of training/regular activities and observed that was probably why they were dropping off. Then I had a few replies - anyway. All due respect to the OP, etc.) is I’m just kind of stabilizing.

In the last two and a half years I’ve worked three different places, had two kids, and that includes my last job which was insane (4 different managers, three different company changes, drastically understaffed, multi-month business continuity events in 20 months). And now I work as an occasionally traveling consultant in a Professional Services org.

I’m interested in the Jits, but not ready to try to crack that nut again and to be candid with you. My wife was very understanding for lots of our marriage. I’m understanding I did a lot of self-centered stuff (finishing college degrees, going to Jits, certifications for professional advancement) that required a lot of sacrifice.

Now we’re kind of resetting and re-orienting. We’ll see how it goes for me.

That being said. You offer some good ideas and some I could use and some I couldn’t. But, I appreciate it. We’ll see perhaps I’ll make it back.

I shared all this because you took the initiative to share with me. I appreciate it.

[Cheap Shot]

Something I had to remind myself of throughout life:

You can do anything you want. You can't do everything you want.

[Mitch]

Ha, I can relate. 3 jobs in the past 2 years (two very toxic work places, thank god that’s better now), 2 children born in the last 15 months, yeah…life gets crazy sometimes.

The only other suggestion I could make is if there’s a place with day classes that you could roll over lunch or even better an early morning class before work. I did that for a bit and that was even better than having a place close by to train in the evening.

But here’s the thing I’ve seen a lot in bjj…people find a lot of reasons not to do it. You know what? That’s okay. If it’s not what makes you happy and you don’t have that drive to make it happen, who cares? It doesn’t pay your bills, your family doesn’t care, so why force it? I think you made a pretty honest assessment of where it ranks on your priority list and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a hobby for most of us at the end of the day.

[JCN]

Being truly good at something requires sacrifice to be honest.

If there are guys that can make it work - I’m all ears. Please advise - sincerely. I’m completely able to say “I don’t know”.

I objectively think I'm "pretty good" at shooting and USPSA. People like JJ and Max are "truly good."

The great thing about this sport is that I can dry fire at home without a lot of special equipment and practice is more meditative rather than punishing. To me it's no different than my friends who go fishing or bowling... except I can practice at home.

Motivation is directly dependent on your overall goal for doing the activity in hand. If you've reached the levels you wanted to reach there is no sense 'pushing through' to achieve something you're not interested in achieving.
That phrase, "There is always someone training harder than you to be better than you." - Is a great phrase if you care about being the 'best' at whatever it is you're doing. Otherwise, it's actually kind of a stupid phrase and you should think more like, "Is the effort I'm putting in proportional to achieving my goal and not some unattainable dream?"

My goal is always to work to hit a 90+ on The Test with each pistol I may carry on my person. And to get a <1.5 second draw to high-percentage first shot. And then otherwise, just kind of do what I need to do to maintain that level. I'm not a M or GM shooter and I have absolutely zero interest in being one, to be honest. I honestly find being a competitor boring overall - I'm just not someone who ever measures himself against other people, only against metrics I set for myself.

Why do I stay on P-F? Good community, plus also, I learn stuff frequently. Including thinking about how I do the things I do and maintain the skills I want to maintain. You can remain a student, even if your goals are mostly 'achieved' and you're just 'maintaining a baseline'.

I think you might be missing the "point" of USPSA competition for a lot of people, myself included.

It's very much like golf to me. It's meditative and it feels great when you crush a drive or finesse a pitch that snuggles up to the pin. I don't golf to beat people and I don't do USPSA to beat people.

But I'm always looking to improve because ironing out kinks feels great.

Think of it this way: USPSA is like an advanced pistol test pop quiz. You never know what kind of challenge you'll get that day and you try and "solve the problem" efficiently.

It tests YOU and YOUR JUDGEMENT of your abilities. Can you hit this? Can you hit this while moving? Can you hit this while moving and running?

Having other people at the match just helps you learn what is or isn't possible (if they're good).

Competing is more about finding my limits and increasing them rather than beating other people.

I love competitive shooting, but still mainly test myself against metrics I set for myself. As long as I keep improving, I'm satisfied. Of course, at some point, I won't be able to keep getting better and will have to find another way to look at the process.

I'm on the same wavelength. I figure I have at most maybe 5 more years in the sport of progress before plateau. Then I'll probably see USPSA as a social club to bullshit with friends and spend a day outside.

But I've been shocked at how quickly gains have continued to come with efficient practice.

[RevolverRob]

I think you might be missing the "point" of USPSA competition for a lot of people, myself included.

It's very much like golf to me. It's meditative and it feels great when you crush a drive or finesse a pitch that snuggles up to the pin. I don't golf to beat people and I don't do USPSA to beat people.

But I'm always looking to improve because ironing out kinks feels great.

Think of it this way: USPSA is like an advanced pistol test pop quiz. You never know what kind of challenge you'll get that day and you try and "solve the problem" efficiently.

It tests YOU and YOUR JUDGEMENT of your abilities. Can you hit this? Can you hit this while moving? Can you hit this while moving and running?

Having other people at the match just helps you learn what is or isn't possible (if they're good).

Competing is more about finding my limits and increasing them rather than beating other people.

I totally get that's what it is for most people.

But see, that's not how it is for me. I do not like being a competitor, because I am an obsessive hyper competitive person when I get serious about the competition, which when it comes to shooting is almost immediately. I'm the asshole who reads the rule book and figures out how to try to game the game. For me, competition brings out the absolute worst in my person, not the best, and it quickly becomes an obsession, not a relaxing thing to do.

It's just how I am wired and who I am. I find it's easier for me to focus on drills and dry fire and take the occasional training course by myself.

When one begins to view competition as a chore and/or not fun then it's not the right thing for them as a person, at that time. Perhaps some changes can bring the interest back or perhaps it's time to move on.

[JCN]

I totally get that's what it is for most people.

But see, that's not how it is for me. I do not like being a competitor, because I am an obsessive hyper competitive person when I get serious about the competition, which when it comes to shooting is almost immediately. I'm the asshole who reads the rule book and figures out how to try to game the game. For me, competition brings out the absolute worst in my person, not the best, and it quickly becomes an obsession, not a relaxing thing to do.

It's just how I am wired and who I am. I find it's easier for me to focus on drills and dry fire and take the occasional training course by myself.

When one begins to view competition as a chore and/or not fun then it's not the right thing for them as a person, at that time. Perhaps some changes can bring the interest back or perhaps it's time to move on.

Aah. Gotcha. That is very self-aware though. Good on you for avoiding land mines and pitfalls. I’m pretty (very) competitive but find that having my competition be my friends helps immensely.

[Doc_Glock]

The only other suggestion I could make is if there’s a place with day classes that you could roll over lunch or even better an early morning class before work. I did that for a bit and that was even better than having a place close by to train in the evening.

100% early morning would be a game changed if available.

When I had 5 kids under 11, and I wanted to ride my bike (my passion at the time), I got the hell out of bed early to ride to work and get a long 2-3 hours in at least once on the weekend finishing by 8 and home to be dad and husband. It was the only way to have the hobby and a family for me.

[pareto]

This is probably irrelevant to the OP, but I wanted to say that I started shooting just in the last couple of months because I was burned out from both work and other hobbies/competitions. I am enjoying being a total beginner and find shooting at the range soothing and meditative. It also doesn't hurt that there are lots of things in the hobby to nerd out on, learn about, or spend money on (uh oh). Of course, that's what always happens with my hobbies.

I have some health problems so I don't expect I'll ever get into competitions. The range is enough for me. Plus, I tend to be hypercompetitive myself and at my age know I have zero chance of becoming good even at a very mediocre level. So I plan to have fun and learn something new each time with no expectations of a long term goal.

So maybe the OP should take a break and perhaps get into another sport or hobby for which he has no expectations other than to have fun and do something different for awhile. Whether that be sporty or something like photography.