I think I'm burned out

[breakingtime91]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my $0.02:

Put it down. Seriously.

I put shooting down in May 2019. Sold everything that wasn't NFA, an heirloom, or a single Glock 19. It's one of the best things I've ever done. It allowed me to focus time, mental energy, and money on things that are much more important in the long run. It's easy to get sucked into anything, but certain hobbies can have that "I have to or I'm not responsible" aspect added to them and shooting, especially from a defensive aspect is one of the worst.

As far as skill degredation goes, my experience has been that top 5-10% of bleeding edge does wear thin, but the fundamentals, certainly enough to get yourself and/or your family through anything you might need to defensive-wise is a lot like riding a bike.

Case in point: I've shot 353 pistol rounds this year, all through my iron-sighted Glock 19. 200 of those were to spin up a bit and verify sights before teaching a class back in April. Prior to that it had been 8 months cold. Another 103 of those rounds were fired demoing stuff at the class. The final 50 I just fired today, so again 2 months cold, maybe 3 or 4 dryfire sessions in there. The first round I fired was coming out of my JM V3 IWB holster strongside under a polo into a Bill Drill for stage one of the Gabe White Standards. I ended up shooting 3 Light Pin runs, 3 Dark Pin runs, one over time by .09 (fumbled the draw) and a fail on the first F2S where I tossed the head just out of the box.

My point here is you're not going to die if you quit shooting for awhile. Don't let it ruin your life. And you'll still probably be able to shoot at a decently high level.

yup.. Couldn't like this post enough. I have four kids in my house (two from my first marriage and two step) and their hobbies/sports have became where my time goes. I recently made the decision to cut down on needless stuff in the safe that I thought was cool and keep essentials. Pistol I can carry everyday, in any clothes I may want to wear, and dedicate any time or energy into that one thing. I shot a new pistol to me, after not shooting for the past 6 months, and cleaned 4 tests in a row from low ready (all black, one was a 98 with 5x's) and each was under 9 seconds, the best one being my first under 8 seconds. I then shot a bill drill from concealment and shot it under 3 seconds.. Fundamentals are there, reloads came natural, draws felt good, and I realized that I just don't have the time or energy for this shit anymore. I have a carbine that is set up, a shotgun that will handle my bumps in the night quite well, and a pistol that I can shoot well. I'll train when I have time with live and dry fire but I am done being over board with this shit. I have gotten more out of my new workout regimen (5/3/1) in seeable gains in the past two months than I did in the last 3 years of shooting, including classes with really good instructors. I just am never gonna be Gabe White or Kyle Defoor good, and thats fine.

[Casual Friday]

In many circumstances, a man will give up or set aside a hobby/hobbies to focus on family time. There's nothing wrong with that. Especially if the hobby becomes an obsession where every spare thought is spent thinking about it and every spare moment is spent participating in that hobby.

But don't think that having a hobby that involves alone time is inherently bad. We need things that help us unwind and recharge our batteries. If we can find things that accomplish that while spending time with the whole family, great, but it's okay to have some "me" time too. Some guys try to force their family into liking their hobbies and get assed up when their wife and kids don't want to go shooting/golfing/hiking/fishing/whatever every Saturday and/or Sunday. It's a type of insecurity that probably manifests itself in other ways too. Let your wife and kids have their free time too.

I've known men that took up activities like golf and shooting as a means of escaping a not so great home life for a few hours a week. Some go sit at a bar after work. That may be a temporary bandaid on the situation, but running away from problems even for only a few hours at a time doesn't solve them or improve them in the slightest way.

Life is the most enjoyable for me when I have a good balance of everything. When I focus too much on me, it starts to show. When I don't focus enough on me, it shows as well.

[rob_s]

In many circumstances, a man will give up or set aside a hobby/hobbies to focus on family time. There's nothing wrong with that. Especially if the hobby becomes an obsession where every spare thought is spent thinking about it and every spare moment is spent participating in that hobby.

But don't think that having a hobby that involves alone time is inherently bad. We need things that help us unwind and recharge our batteries. If we can find things that accomplish that while spending time with the whole family, great, but it's okay to have some "me" time too. Some guys try to force their family into liking their hobbies and get assed up when their wife and kids don't want to go shooting/golfing/hiking/fishing/whatever every Saturday and/or Sunday. It's a type of insecurity that probably manifests itself in other ways too. Let your wife and kids have their free time too.

I've known men that took up activities like golf and shooting as a means of escaping a not so great home life for a few hours a week. Some go sit at a bar after work. That may be a temporary bandaid on the situation, but running away from problems even for only a few hours at a time doesn't solve them or improve them in the slightest way.

Life is the most enjoyable for me when I have a good balance of everything. When I focus too much on me, it starts to show. When I don't focus enough on me, it shows as well.

My god yes.

My wife and I notice a LOT of these couples we see that are so ate up with kid shit you just know that the adults are going to get to the end of that 20+ year stretch and wonder who the fuck that person is laying in bed next to them. People think “kids are gone, now I can be rid of you” is a big reason for divorce, but ever stop to think that maybe the reason you’ve been waiting to get rid of them for so long is that you drifted apart while you were ate up with kids shit?

I can think of probably half a dozen couples that aren’t going to be together in ten years because they’re already halfway down that “all for the family” path of disconnection. And a good two dozen that already paid that price.

And I say this as someone who understands more than most how easily you can lose it, and how much you need to cherish the time you have. But to do that, you need your alone time.

Thank god my wife and I are able to make time to do things alone as a couple, but also alone alone. Without each other. Go the fuck away so I can miss you some. And thank god we agree on it.

Martin short talks in his book about taking some time each week to reflect on the balance between
1. Self
2. Immediate family
3. Original family
4. Friends
5. Money
6. Career
7. Creativity
8. Discipline
9. Lifestyle

He KNOWS you can’t satisfy all of this, all the time, but he gives each item a score, and looks for trends. You might notice that “self” is first, btw. But if he sees “self”” getting a ten for months on end while “career” is getting a 2, he makes adjustments. Same thing for all of them.

I haven’t quite adopted this formal method, but more often than not when I’m feeling shitty and reflect on this list it’s because it’s out of balance, and has been for awhile.

If you’re a religious person, add “god” or “Buddha” or whatever somewhere in the list.

Honestly, that’s also most of what “burnout” is. It’s not just about focusing too much on a singular thing, it’s also about the other criteria that suffer because of it.

Time is the ultimate and most precious resource.

[Casual Friday]

My god yes.

My wife and I notice a LOT of these couples we see that are so ate up with kid shit you just know that the adults are going to get to the end of that 20+ year stretch and wonder who the fuck that person is laying in bed next to them. People think “kids are gone, now I can be rid of you” is a big reason for divorce, but ever stop to think that maybe the reason you’ve been waiting to get rid of them for so long is that you drifted apart while you were ate up with kids shit?

I can think of probably half a dozen couples that aren’t going to be together in ten years because they’re already halfway down that “all for the family” path of disconnection. And a good two dozen that already paid that price.

And I say this as someone who understands more than most how easily you can lose it, and how much you need to cherish the time you have. But to do that, you need your alone time.

Thank god my wife and I are able to make time to do things alone as a couple, but also alone alone. Without each other. Go the fuck away so I can miss you some. And thank god we agree on it.

Martin short talks in his book about taking some time each week to reflect on the balance between
1. Self
2. Immediate family
3. Original family
4. Friends
5. Money
6. Career
7. Creativity
8. Discipline
9. Lifestyle

He KNOWS you can’t satisfy all of this, all the time, but he gives each item a score, and looks for trends. You might notice that “self” is first, btw. But if he sees “self”” getting a ten for months on end while “career” is getting a 2, he makes adjustments. Same thing for all of them.

I haven’t quite adopted this formal method, but more often than not when I’m feeling shitty and reflect on this list it’s because it’s out of balance, and has been for awhile.

If you’re a religious person, add “god” or “Buddha” or whatever somewhere in the list.

Honestly, that’s also most of what “burnout” is. It’s not just about focusing too much on a singular thing, it’s also about the other criteria that suffer because of it.

Time is the ultimate and most precious resource.

I've lost count how many sports families end up divorced after their kids sports careers are over after high school. Like everything, there's nothing wrong with kids playing sports but when your kid is barely mediocre for the small town you live in and you spend all 365 days a year wrapped up in sports, that isn't the most efficient use of time with your family. There's usually a younger kid sitting on the sideline bored out of their mind and being a disruptive little shit because they're forced to sit on a ball field every night of their life while their older sibling is playing sports.

Sports end after high school for 99.99999999999999999999% of the kids that play them and I can't help but notice that many of those kids are playing because their parents expect them to. All those nights sitting at a ball field or in a gym, eating shitty dinners, and putting thousands of miles of wear and tear on your vehicles for something that will ultimately mean nothing in the long run seems like a giant waste of time to me. I only know of one guy from my high school that played college football and was drafted to play in the NFL. He played like 6 games in 3 seasons and sells insurance now.

I say that as someone who played sports in the early to mid 90's before people went batshit crazy about kids sports, and someone who's kids are in BJJ. I found my first place little league trophy at my parents house after they died and I threw it away. I rarely think about my time playing sports as a kid, but I reflect a lot on the memories of things we did as a family that everyone enjoyed.

[JCN]

When I started training for my career, the Dean said to us... "You're going to have to find a way to cherish yourself and loved ones despite the challenge of being worked harder and under more pressure than you ever have before. But that IS part of the challenge."

Same thing with hobbies. My 4 year old loves it when I dry fire. We hang out and I still chase her around during a session (sometimes coupled with movement exercises). I built her an indoor swing so she can swing and climb while I'm practicing and we stay close.

It's not something I do to get away from my family, it's something that my daughter has learned to enjoy. She also is learning that nothing is gained without work and commitment... but that doesn't have to feel like a chore.

Lessons I want her to take with her as an adult.

She'll wake me up at 5:30am and ask me if I want to go practice and play.

She's a big reason I'm knocking on the door of GM after just a few months of this schedule.

I've heard that from many successful people that they role modeled after their parents and what kind of role model would I be if I just sat on the couch picking my ass?

Like @YVK said, apathy is different from burn out.
And it's possible to burn out quickly without success due to poor training methods or insufficient balance.

So sure, getting rid of hobbies that don't motivate you is one way to do it.

But is piddling around flitting from thing to thing the solution?

Or is getting creative and more effective with training to make it self-motivating and something that makes you excited to do rather than feeling like a chore a better solution?

Depends on how you're wired, I guess.

This forum is for "Teachers and students of the pistol."

I wouldn't have expected all the "play hooky and drop out of school" comments.

Kind of disappointed with it (not that my opinion should hold any weight).

[Clusterfrack]

@JCN, I sort of agree… Passion isn’t something you find. It’s the result of hard work and dedication. But not everyone makes shooting their passion. There’s plenty of room for casual participation here.

[JCN]

@JCN, I sort of agree… Passion isn’t something you find. It’s the result of hard work and dedication. But not everyone makes shooting their passion. There’s plenty of room for casual participation here.

For sure. I just didn’t expect it to be the dominant sentiment here.

[Trooper224]

For sure. I just didn’t expect it to be the dominant sentiment here.

Get another decade or two under you belt before you judge too harshly. Some of us had already been there and done that while some of you were shitting in your diapers. (My children aren't 4. They're 26,37 and 49 so I'm guessing I'm a bit farther down the road than you) Daryl Bolke has shared similar thoughts about shifting priorities on his FB page. Would you consider him a slacker?

What's your metric for being a true "student of the pistol"? We'll need that so we can gauge who belongs here and who doesn't.

[JCN]

Get another decade or two under you belt before you judge too harshly. Some of us had already been there and done that while some of you were shitting in your diapers. (My children aren't 4. They're 26,37 and 49 so I'm guessing I'm a bit farther down the road than you)

What's your metric for being a true "student of the pistol"? We'll need that so we can gauge who belongs here and who doesn't.

A true student of a pistol is like a true student of anything else, IMHO.

It doesn’t have to mean you physically do it.
It doesn’t mean you have to be good at it.
It doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of time doing it.

But a true student of anything would take the quest for knowledge as important regardless of the time they have to allot to it.

They’d never blow it off as unimportant, even if they choose to not spend time on it.

And being cynical and jaded isn’t compatible with that as it’s counter to everything that a student would hold important to that quest.

I’ll see myself off your lawn now.

[Casual Friday]

My 4 year old loves it when I dry fire. We hang out and I still chase her around during a session (sometimes coupled with movement exercises). I built her an indoor swing so she can swing and climb while I'm practicing and we stay close.

It's not something I do to get away from my family, it's something that my daughter has learned to enjoy. She also is learning that nothing is gained without work and commitment... but that doesn't have to feel like a chore.

Lessons I want her to take with her as an adult.

She'll wake me up at 5:30am and ask me if I want to go practice and play.

She's a big reason I'm knocking on the door of GM after just a few months of this schedule.

I've heard that from many successful people that they role modeled after their parents and what kind of role model would I be if I just sat on the couch picking my ass?

She's 4. At that age, kids just want to be around their parents, and she'd likely be just as happy watching you build little ships inside of bottles or some other boring hobby that some people do. I was rebuilding an old Harley when my oldest was 4 and she spent a lot of nights with me in the shop while Mom was at work. When my youngest was 4, I was remodeling an investment property and she spent a lot of time there with me.

Like @YVK said, apathy is different from burn out.
And it's possible to burn out quickly without success due to poor training methods or insufficient balance.

So sure, getting rid of hobbies that don't motivate you is one way to do it.

But is piddling around flitting from thing to thing the solution?

Or is getting creative and more effective with training to make it self-motivating and something that makes you excited to do rather than feeling like a chore a better solution?

Depends on how you're wired, I guess.

Depends on the "why" of what you're doing. What are you ultimately gaining by becoming a GM? How is it going to benefit you? Will your life improve in some way? Will it degrade if you don't become GM?

Lets look at this in terms of weight lifting. I used to be really goal oriented when it came to lifting weights. I looked at the numbers as being really important. When I would load 315 on the bar and rep that shit out on the bench like a fuckin boss I felt like King Kong on cocaine. But outside of a few lifting friends and people at the gym, nobody gave a fuck and it really didn't matter until someone needed help moving or something. I don't regret the years of lifting, you don't get old man strong without putting in the work when you're young, but now I just focus on staying strong and not getting injured.

This forum is for "Teachers and students of the pistol."

I wouldn't have expected all the "play hooky and drop out of school" comments.

Kind of disappointed with it (not that my opinion should hold any weight).

I can assure you that nobody cares about your disappointment. You're trying to force your own definition of "Teachers and students of the pistol" instead of acknowledging that being a student of something isn't the same for everyone. You're also not taking into consideration that many PF members have been in the same place dedication wise that you find yourself in now. When you make GM, I'll clap and congratulate you, and I'll mean it, but I'll go back to forgetting you existed as soon as I log off PF and I won't remember you until I log back on some time later. That's not a personal dig or even directed at you, just how I manage internet people in my life.

Working, fitness, learning, shooting, relationships, family, are areas of my life that I strive to keep in balance. When I focus too much on one, the others suffer. Becoming a GM in USPSA would be cool, and PF would be really proud of me, but it really wouldn't benefit my wife or my kids in any way. Nobody I do work for would send me more contracts because of it. It doesn't mean that I won't be happy for someone else who achieves something great like that, I just don't feel any pressure or need for it for myself.