Last year I drank too much (for maybe the tenth consecutive year but last year was legitimately too much, even by my standards) and I was actually getting to a point that I thought might be a problem and anyway I was putting on weight so I figured I would take a break and focus on improving my fitness for a bit. I'd cut down a lot since I got a baby but was still drinking at just a casual level, and also lifting weights at a very casual pace. So I cranked it right on and started lifting aggressively, and stopped drinking entirely, not permanently or anything but just to strip out empty calories and belly fat and whatever, but also because I think I've spent most of the last decade drinking a lot every day and I was sort of wondering if that might indicate a bit of an alcohol dependency that wouldn't be apparent until I just stopped completely.
I haven't had a drink in three weeks and it's much worse than I expected: I feel exactly the same. I was totally convinced that I was starting my day hungover every morning, and that's why I would get up and feel bagged and foggy and basically like a prematurely grey zombie. I really thought that once I stopped drinking and started exercising every day I'd wake up and feel alive. Instead, I wake up and just feel like I could use a drink...not of alcohol, but of anything, because I no longer end each day by ingesting a "gall-on" or whatever (approximately 3.8 litres in science units or 32 gills USD) of fluid so I just feel slightly dehydrated by the time I wake up.
I am losing weight which is nice but the obvious health aspects of this are annoyingly inconclusive...which I why I found yesterday's visit with my older sister particularly interesting.
My sister, who has an even worse drinking habit (along with a bunch of other drugs) and has for about twice as long, went and got her liver function tested after living in fear of what damage she'd done...it took her a few years to screw up the courage to go get tested because she was pretty much of the opinion that they'd give her a timeline of her remaining years that would include things like "eyes turn yellow by Christmas" and "lose all weight about here, die on liver transplant list mid-2024."
But no, she's fine and her liver is working perfectly. Her whole physical was great. What kind of crazy ripoff is this?
I am posting this as a public service announcement to anyone who thinks their chronic alcoholism is the problem: don't try to fix this, it's a trap. You are confronted only with the ravages of time and you can't quit the aging process. Live in ignorant bliss. Reality is terrible and I can't unlearn this. Go back! This is not the way!