Central Park Karen is a racist

[blues]

Family has a lot to do with it. If you grow up in a single parent family (lots of blacks in that situation) that has an effect. Mostly has to do with the families economic situation. I'll ask a question here about your friend. Did he have both of his parents supporting him and his efforts in HS? Did he get support from his parents in college? Might even be a cultural thing, I don't know. The HS I went to was 70% Hispanic. I was a minority.

We always fall back on the same answers...and they may be true sometimes...sometimes not. More often than not? I dunno.

My father grew up in a family where his father, (a professional boxer, doorman, ne'er-do-well), left them during the Depression. He and his two brothers and sister were put into various foster homes as my grandmother found herself incapable of taking care of them all for one reason or another.

My father got into Stuyvesant H.S. which was a school you had to compete to get into in NYC. He would have gone on to college but he got out of high school, went to work, reunited his younger sister, and two younger brothers with his mother and became their sole income during the Korean war, until his brothers went into the service. All this while getting married at 20 and raising a family of his own as well.

They had no history of higher education. I was the first one to go to college in my family, though my father would have thrived. My mother, a voracious reader, might have as well but for being content to raise a family.

My friend, didn't need a family to support him in college as he got a full ride to Brown. And deserved it, for academics alone.

The generalizations may be more true than not, but they are clearly not the entire picture. Anyway, it is what it is. We just don't always understand what it is.

Though I don't dispute that having the support of a family, (that cares about education), is clearly a plus.

[trailrunner]

Family has a lot to do with it. If you grow up in a single parent family (lots of blacks in that situation) that has an effect. Mostly has to do with the families economic situation. I'll ask a question here about your friend. Did he have both of his parents supporting him and his efforts in HS? Did he get support from his parents in college? Might even be a cultural thing, I don't know. The HS I went to was 70% Hispanic. I was a minority.

My wife is a teacher in the poorest school in our county. She believes that two biggest factors are inherent ability and family. The former is self-explanatory. Some kids just have it, and some kids just never will get it. I'll never be a sub 2:30 marathoner, but even though nobody in my family ever when to college, I sure could solve differential equations. Regarding family, it's not just single-parent families, although that's part of it. This year she has two kids that are part of families where one family has 6 kids, and the other family has 6 kids already with one more on the way. I think in both cases, the moms are not yet 30. Another mom is 21 and has three kids (if the kid is in my wife's class, they are 4 years old, so you can do the math). Dads or even same-sex partners there to provide some stability and help with the homework? Heh. These kids actually like school because it's a happy place away from their crappy home life. Some kids in her class move from school district to school district every year because their parents are worried about immigration, or they can't pay their rent and get evicted. Some families rent one room in an apartment, so mom, maybe dad, and three kids are in one room. I'm not making judgement on any of this -- I'm just describing the facts that she deals with.

Certainly there are examples of kids in these situations excelling and achieving well. Those are heartwarming stories. But since we are talking statistics, family has to be a key component.

Following on this discussion, it makes my wife mad when certain people think the answer to education woes is that we need to spend more money on lower income schools -- why, if we could only do this, we'd solve our education problems! The reality is that within our district, the lower income schools get more funding, whether it's for three free meals a day, or for one of the myriad other special programs, such as head start. They get more resources, coaches, instructional aides, and so on. Again, I'm not saying these programs are good or bad, but the idea that we're somehow slighting the lower income schools by not giving them enough funding is contrary to what she sees every day.

[DDTSGM]

My graduating class in high school, (which bused kids in from predominantly black neighborhoods a few miles away), was about 1100. That was just the seniors. Granted, it was back in the good old days, when Aunt Bee was baking something for Andy and Opie, but this was NYC and lots of folks went on to great schools, big and small, and various accomplishments in professional arenas.

I can't dispute the statistics stated, but I don't think they tell the whole story. My closest black friend in high school ended up going to Brown...and not because anyone needed to fill a quota. He was supremely bright. I can't speak for the rest of the student body as I didn't keep tabs. Our school was about 40% black, 60% white and other.

There's a lot more to this than the statistics alone reveal, imho.

Stable home life - two parent home - parental involvement.

We did foster care, it was shameful what kids coming to us from other foster placements arrived with - generally a cardboard box full of clothes.

Let me bore you about the last two kids we fostered.

Two bothers, been in the system forever, mom was in and out of jail, dad was in prison. They had older sisters who were out on independent living, and one younger sister. The younger sister was in a foster placement in a home in Hutchinson (where we live) and the boys were placed with us to have the sibling group together for adoption. We were given the impression the boy's sister would be placed with us as soon as the boys were settled in, so we had a room ready for her. We were oh, so wrong. Her foster mother was an SRS worker and no way she was giving up a well-behaved child which was getting her $600.00 a month.

Initially, we were looking at adopting the three of them. Within the first year we realized that wasn't going to be a good idea. Not because of the boys, but because their family was in the area and knew where the boys were. The older sisters caused us problems until we put our foot down. They were constantly talking about their dad, who was going to be released from prison before they were adults, and I just didn't want to deal with the heartache and headache I knew adopting them would cause.

When I told them that we were not going to adopt them I explained why and told them the way I figured it would roll out was that they would stay with us until they were put on independent living. At that point they could stay with us, if they wanted, and we would put them through the Juco if they kept their grades up, and help them with further education as we could. And that, in addition, they would always have a place to call home with us.

These kids came to us with, as I said, a cardboard box with their clothes in it. I asked if they had bikes at the other places 'yeah, but they had to stay for the next kid.' Pitiful the way the system works for these kids - it wasn't their fault their parents were criminals. After the first year, summer came and my wife, who was a teacher, was off. One night we started talking about how nice it would be to see a couple Cardinals games, and go to Six-Flags over Mid-America. Instead of the response we expected, the boys looked kind of down, and asked 'where are we going to stay on respite?' I asked them if they really thought I wanted to go to Six-Flags and told them that we taking a vacation for them. Everyplace else they had been they were shuffled off to respite care when the foster family took vacation.

Unfortunately things didn't work out as I planned, we were coming up on our fourth year with the boys when someone adopted them. I was surprised, they were 14 and 15 years-old and their sister (who had never been placed with us) was 11 or 12. Quit frankly I didn't care for the adoptive mom and felt she was more interested in the $1,800 a month she was going to get for the three minority kids. I thought adoptive dad was an okay guy, though.

We had already packed the boys clothes when the adoptive parents came to pick them up. I assumed when they saw the trailer behind the pickup, they understood it was for their furniture, etc. Nope, they were flabbergasted when started to load up their bikes, weights, the basketball goal, and their bedroom furniture. Every place they been for the 3 or 4 years before they came to us had kept all that stuff for the next moneymaker.

Several years later, the next two we had were infant half-sisters 10 months and 22 months old. That was a hoot, we got them the first of May, and the first of June my wife went off to spend the summer training at the Nebraska School for the Blind. I'd raised two boys, but little girls were initially out of my league. We got by, they lived and we were able to adopt them after their mother severed parental rights.

Getting around to the point of this missive - it always leaves a taste in my mouth when folks start referencing how they made it on their own and everyone else can do the same. Currently there are over 400,000 foster-kids in the U.S. Many of them will remain in the system and get kicked out of the system at age 17 or 18 with a cardboard box for their clothes and little, if any, social safety net. Sure many will succeed, but many will also fail.

Often when we look at things from our point of view, we don't have a clue.

BTW: not directed in any at you Blues

[blues]

Dan, I don't know if you read my post from earlier this evening...my father, his two brothers, and sister grew up in foster homes for many years. (And when my father wasn't in a foster home, he showed me one day the "boy's home" up in Harlem he was housed in while waiting for a family to take him in.)

I get it. More than most. I didn't grow up in utopia. Nor did (most of) the people I grew up around.

[DDTSGM]

Dan, I don't know if you read my post from earlier this evening...my father, his two brothers, and sister grew up in foster homes for many years. (And when my father wasn't in a foster home, he showed me one day the "boy's home" up in Harlem he was housed in while waiting for a family to take him in.)

I get it. More than most. I didn't grow up in utopia. Nor did (most of) the people I grew up around.

Yes, I did, after I wrote my post - it took me a while, my 94 year-old 'kid' (my f-in-law) required my assistance.

The folks I find hardest to deal with are folks who look you dead in the eyes and with all sincerity say 'well if they can't find a good job here, they need to go where they can.' or 'if they aren't getting paid enough, they need to a better job.'

In my area these are often folks who inherited the family farm or business, and, bless their hearts, don't have any idea of the reality for many folks today. It is hard talking with them because they don't have the frame of reference.

[Cacafuego]

I'm dumbfounded that intelligent people on this site, who weren't there, and know neither of these people, would nevertheless choose freaking sides in this.

[Joe in PNG]

Yes, I did, after I wrote my post - it took me a while, my 94 year-old 'kid' (my f-in-law) required my assistance.

The folks I find hardest to deal with are folks who look you dead in the eyes and with all sincerity say 'well if they can't find a good job here, they need to go where they can.' or 'if they aren't getting paid enough, they need to a better job.'

In my area these are often folks who inherited the family farm or business, and, bless their hearts, don't have any idea of the reality for many folks today. It is hard talking with them because they don't have the frame of reference.

One of the most frustrating things about trying to help people out of poverty is the sheer number of times the help is wasted or ignored.

I've seen people given jobs, and then they just don't show up. Or given cars, and they are neglected & trashed- houses too. Or are given money for rent, and it's blown on booze, dope, and hookers.

If they do show up to work, they work like a teenager- showing up late, leaving early, taking more than their share of smoke breaks, and wandering off when their single task is done.

[trailrunner]

One of the most frustrating things about trying to help people out of poverty is the sheer number of times the help is wasted or ignored.

The school system that my wife works for went to distance learning back in late March or early April. Since she teaches in a poor school, it can't be assumed that every student has a laptop or iPad or even internet. So after a few weeks of distance learning, her school passed out laptops and wifi hotspots to anyone who wanted them. She had 5 students in her class show up and get a freebie, but only one of them has actually logged in to her class. No clue what the other 4 families are doing with their laptops, or how they will track accountability.

[RoyGBiv]

My graduating class in high school, (which bused kids in from predominantly black neighborhoods a few miles away), was about 1100. That was just the seniors. Granted, it was back in the good old days, when Aunt Bee was baking something for Andy and Opie, but this was NYC and lots of folks went on to great schools, big and small, and various accomplishments in professional arenas.

I can't dispute the statistics stated, but I don't think they tell the whole story. My closest black friend in high school ended up going to Brown...and not because anyone needed to fill a quota. He was supremely bright. I can't speak for the rest of the student body as I didn't keep tabs. Our school was about 40% black, 60% white and other.

There's a lot more to this than the statistics alone reveal, imho.

My graduating class was about the same size, but I was the one bussed in from the only mostly-white neighborhood in the district. There were ~100 white kids in my grade. I felt like I had a target on my back for 3 years. The girls would stick us in the back with long hat pins walking between classes (several times), I got mugged in the staircase twice. My buddy had a cigarette put out on his face between the front door and the bus. Absolutely no after school activities, since there was only the one city bus that ran the special route to take us home after school. If I missed it, or stayed late, it was unsafe to walk the ~2 miles home. Junior High was worse.

At graduation, I recall the Principal talking about 30% of the graduating class enlisting and some much smaller percentage going to college. IIRC, only 2/3 of the Senior class actually graduated. Miss Popularity was visibly pregnant. There was no way I would have made it through 4 years. I would have dropped out, tested for the GED and applied to college that way. What a shit show. They finally shut the place down about 15 years ago.

[blues]

@RoyGBiv

Nice story. So glad to be out of that dynamic.