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Thread: Rate my failings

  1. #1

    Rate my failings

    So I had a breakdown of awareness today that let a dude who was probably homeless get way too close for comfort to me, and most worrisome, my daughter. I’ll post it up here because it had an ok ending. Hopefully some of the other folks can chime in with ways I could have managed better.

    I’m coming out of CVS with my kid. I was parked one spot away from the door, so I bee lined for the car, unlocked it, and began the process of getting the kid into the car seat. Then I hear, “Sir, can you spare a couple of bucks so I can get some food at McDonalds?”

    There’s a dude, most likely homeless, on a bike. He’d come from the driver side and the vehicle had obscured my ability to see him coming. Minus ten for me failing to even look past the car. I’ll own that, I fucked up, especially considering I had a young child with me.

    I looked at his hands, which were in plain view. If he wasn’t nt homeless it was a hell of an act. He was genuinely dirty, looked hungry, looked kinda weak. I responded in less than a second, “yeah, I can help you. But you gotta let me get my kid in the car. You let me do that you can have some money.” He says ok. I say, “While I do this, I want you to stand over there.” Over there was a curb about 15 feet away. I wanted to create some distance and see if he’d comply. He did. He went and sat on the curb, nearly falling over as he got down.

    I got my kid, who was asking 1000 questions about what was going on, buckled in, locked the car. Gave the dude a $5 bill and left, only unlocking the driver door as I got back in the car. Then I left.

    Number one thing I wish I’d done was park further from the door. If I’d had to walk further, I would have gotten a much better view of the parking lot and maybe seen him coming. As it was, I came out of the door, focused on getting the kid in the car, and he snuck up on me. I’m kicking my own ass over that, as normally I’m much more vigilant when it’s just me and a kid without the rest of the family.

    I think the request for him to back up and create space was a decent one. I tried to be firm about it but not more confrontational than necessary.

    Any other thoughts appreciated

  2. #2
    Site Supporter LOKNLOD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Seems like you handled it well. It happens. Keeping your wits and giving him clear directive, which created distance and gave an easy test of his intention/level of compliance, was a good move. Not doing it in an aggressive, dickhead way, also good move. Not losing focus on getting the kid secure, again good move.

    And in the end maybe you helped a genuinely needy guy get a meal.

    For every "If I'd have parked farther i'd have had more chance to see him" there's a "if I had only parked closer I wouldn't have had to go past him" counterpoint. And a dude on a bike can cover a lot of ground in a parking lot between cars, and be tough to predict the location of. Heisenberg's Hobo, you can know where was or which way he was headed but never both
    --Josh
    “Formerly we suffered from crimes; now we suffer from laws.” - Tacitus.

  3. #3
    Gucci gear, Walmart skill Darth_Uno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    STL
    Most of us here are pretty alert, but nobody is in “condition yellow” 100% of their waking moments. Anyone who says they are is FOS. We get distracted, by buckling in kids or loading groceries or texts.

    I get calls, texts and emails all day long. Some are fairly high priority. I may have guys on the job site that came across an issue or unclear instructions that stops the job until I confirm how to proceed.

    I’m in my truck at the gas station, checking some emails so I can relay info to my installers. Some dude raps on the window and I bet I jumped a foot. Which was impressive because I had my seatbelt on. Said he needed “$19” (I remember that, because it was odd he didn’t ask for an even 20) or his car was going to get towed. I declined, as I didn’t have $20, and he moseyed off. But I was in my own world and just did not see him at all until he knocked on my window.

    So, you and I could’ve paid better attention. But nothing happened, and that’s the best outcome you can hope for. Learn from it, and carry on.

    Telling him to stand nearby and gauging his reaction was a good move, btw.

  4. #4
    Site Supporter Totem Polar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    PacNW
    I’m not seeing much fail. Yeah, he got the initial drop on you, with the visibility and his extra mobility with the "DWI ride," but you took command of the situation, got your kid belted in, and probably helped the guy out. Lesson learned, and you got to be a samaritan. JMO.
    ”But in the end all of these ideas just manufacture new criminals when the problem isn't a lack of criminals.” -JRB

  5. #5
    Hammertime
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Desert Southwest
    You did great. It is hard to manage a kid especially with buckling them in and be 100% aware.

  6. #6
    Site Supporter
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    Dec 2011
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    the Deep South
    Quote Originally Posted by Doc_Glock View Post
    You did great. It is hard to manage a kid especially with buckling them in and be 100% aware.
    That's absolutely the hardest time. I try to remember to scan when I open the door and my daughter is climbing in, but I know I forget sometimee. Soon my youngest should be able to buckle herself. That'll be a very happy day!

    Sent from my moto e5 cruise using Tapatalk

  7. #7
    Site Supporter
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Texas
    Once I went to the bus station to ship a package. As soon as I drove up but before I exited the vehicle, a bum walked up and asked for a dollar. I told him to go inside and sit down. I said that when I entered the building I would give him a couple bucks. Then I removed the money from my wallet, grabbed the package, and entered the bus station. I set the package down and gave him the $2. I watched as he left.
    Had I been leaving and not needing to enter, I would have declined and drove off. No way would I have removed wallet from pants had I not been in the vehicle. Contributing is not my habit. Regardless, treating them with courtesy is free. Being an asshole might enrage them.

  8. #8
    Member SLUZENE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    CONUS
    As others have said, there's no 100% condition yellow and it doesn't sound like you had any major failings.

    Is it an option for you to have kiddo enter through the driver's door, visual scan, start car, buckle kiddo, then get it in drive/reverse? We have all seen the 1000 soccer moms totally unaware buckling 4 kids in the side of a minivan. I'm not sure what the best answer is for that other than not being "task fixated" as Craig D wisely advocates.

    Obviously this is not possible for infants, but if your kid is 5, it certainly might be an option.

    Generally when I get in the car I visual scan mirrors/windows, check gun access as needed, start, engage drive/reverse/feel for clutch while breaking/neutral, e-brake off as applicable, buckle, then proceed to drive/reverse. The seatbelt does nothing for me when in park/neutral in a typical parking lot. (Obviously getting into the car after changing a tire on the freeway is a totally different situation.)

    Like leaving a lot of room between the front of my car and the vehicle in front of me, my procedure is basically a habit now. Maybe there's a template you could have for kiddo transport to/from the car.
    Last edited by SLUZENE; 03-02-2020 at 02:31 AM.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by LOKNLOD View Post

    And in the end maybe you helped a genuinely needy guy get a meal.

    For every "If I'd have parked farther i'd have had more chance to see him" there's a "if I had only parked closer I wouldn't have had to go past him" counterpoint. And a dude on a bike can cover a lot of ground in a parking lot between cars, and be tough to predict the location of. Heisenberg's Hobo, you can know where was or which way he was headed but never both
    I’d say he was genuinely needy from the look. Dunno how he got that way, but he was there all the same.

    The bike thing, this is the second time in two years I’ve been approached by homeless men in bikes. The first one was at a car wash a couple years back and I saw him coming. I was alone that day. He went on his way pretty easy too.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SLUZENE View Post
    As others have said, there's no 100% condition yellow and it doesn't sound like you had any major failings.

    Is it an option for you to have kiddo enter through the driver's door, visual scan, start car, buckle kiddo, then get it in drive/reverse? We have all seen the 1000 soccer moms totally unaware buckling 4 kids in the side of a minivan. I'm not sure what the best answer is for that other than not being "task fixated" as Craig D wisely advocates.

    Obviously this is not possible for infants, but if your kid is 5, it certainly might be an option.

    Generally when I get in the car I visual scan mirrors/windows, check gun access as needed, start, engage drive/reverse/feel for clutch while breaking/neutral, e-brake off as applicable, buckle, then proceed to drive/reverse. The seatbelt does nothing for me when in park/neutral in a typical parking lot. (Obviously getting into the car after changing a tire on the freeway is a totally different situation.)

    Like leaving a lot of room between the front of my car and the vehicle in front of me, my procedure is basically a habit now. Maybe there's a template you could have for kiddo transport to/from the car.

    My normal procedure for this is to have a good look around on the way to the car first, then unlock the car and let the kid in. While kids/kids are climbing in to their seat/seats I straighten up and have another good look before starting the buckling. Where this dude caught me was right about the time I would have straightened up to look around while the kid climbed into the seat. He literally got there about 2 seconds before the timing when I normally do it.

    I don’t think this vehicle is very conducive to having kids go in through the driver door and climb to the back. I may try a dry run of it at home though.

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