"Useless as tits on a cookstove"
"Since Christ was a carpenter"
And one I’ve used here, more than once:
"...could fuck up a wet dream". (eg. On the new P210: "Sig could fuck up a wet dream")
"Useless as tits on a cookstove"
"Since Christ was a carpenter"
And one I’ve used here, more than once:
"...could fuck up a wet dream". (eg. On the new P210: "Sig could fuck up a wet dream")
”But in the end all of these ideas just manufacture new criminals when the problem isn't a lack of criminals.” -JRB
"That's all she wrote" - It's done. It can mean completed correctly or FUBAR'd such that there's no point in continuing.
My Dad used this, always in the FUBAR'd context. Being a kid, I thought "she wrote" was a one word description for FUBAR'd. I figure I'd have spelled it "shrote". My timing chain broke and now my engine is "all shrote". It wasn't until years later that I got it.
Guy Fierri often uses this on his triple D food show....in the positive context. He'll take a bite of some food, swoon with culinary pleasure, and say "that's all she wrote". It always makes me chuckle, as I have dad's version stuck in my head. Ha! Guy is telling this chef that his soufflé is FUBAR.
Rosco
When I worked in an equipment rental yard, our grizzled old mechanic used to tell folks, as he was explaining how to operate a piece of equipment: "If you don't know what lever A does... Leave'er B!"
Mother used to have one for when she was really surprised or shocked:
“I nearly shit and fell back in it.”
Great grandfather used to yell “Well shit fire!” when he was exasperated with something.
Road to hell paved with good intentions
People in hell want ice water
As poor as Job's turkey
Have heard the wind blow before
One brick short of a load
Elevator is stuck
They fell out as in had a disagreement
She fell out as in fainted
Horny as a dog with two dicks
Want to jump your bones
She's unwell
Bonehead English or math
Sparking(flirting)
Can't run a jackass in Kentucky Derby
Casting pearls before swine
Smells like a boar hog
Butt ugly
Chickenshit
Scratch that itch
Climb a tree to tell a lie
Walk 12 miles to tell a lie
Nut up to as in challenge
Chinaman's chance
Oh, I used that one pretty recently in the long version. "That son of a bitch would climb a tree to tell a lie when he could stand on the ground and tell the truth."Originally Posted by willie
"All assholes and elbows" - a group running in haste
" xxx went asshole over appetite" - to take a bad fall
"Shiny as a diamonds in a goat's ass"
"Fine as frog's hair"
"Rarer then hen's teeth"
Oh, and a tack on that's sort of a call and response:
Person 1: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Person 2: It'll keep anybody away if you huck'em hard enough (throw them hard enough)
Sorta around sometimes for some of your shitty mod needs.
I'd rather staple my nuts to a porcupine. - My response when asked if I wanted to go to the mall on a Saturday.
Taking a break from social media.
As welcome as a turd in the punch bowl.
"Close enough for government work."
"Sapiens dicit: 'Ignoscere divinum est, sed noli pretium plenum pro pizza sero allata solvere.'" - Michelangelo
Here's a few from cajun country, some funny to outsiders, some just interesting.
Ya'll get down (from the car.) An invitation to get out of the car and stay a while. Get down is probably a hold over from horse and buggy days.
He "took" the ditch. He ran off of the road in his car.
He "caught" a heart attack. I "caught" a flat (tire). Being on the receiving end of a misfortune.
I'm going to make groceries. Going grocery shopping.
Did you save the groceries? Putting the groceries away when you return home.
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