The Decade is Ending

[RevolverRob]

One thing that's happened that I have really mixed feelings about is that I have cut way back on drinking. I know I'm supposed to think that's a good thing but I don't, really. I needed to shave my caloric and financial budgets down so that was a good choice but the less I drink, the more isolated and uncommunicative I tend to become. I just lose interest in pursuing social interaction and I'm much more hesitant to communicate with anyone at all. In fact this thread is a good example: half cut, I'd have already posted three times because fuck it, why not?

Instead I've typed out three posts over the last couple of days and deleted two and I'm posting this partly because I am trying to break that cycle of being sober, knowing there's no real point to saying anything, and consequently saying nothing.

In fact the version of myself I miss the most is the one where I'm pretty buzzed a lot of the time, playing in a rock band, not really giving a fuck how things turn out, and completely unaware of, or indifferent to, my finances or mortality. I think basically all of my regrets in life relate to not pushing that phase harder, for longer. Even though really I delayed responsibility for longer than practically anyone I know. Still, I would trade 90 years of actuarial approval for 50 years of Motorhead even though I'd only have ten more years to go right now. But I ended up taking on a bunch of responsibilities and now I have them and that's that. I still have a good life and all and objectively speaking I'm doing pretty well for myself but I have to say that I hate feeling normal and watching my ETFs increase in value is a very poor replacement for the exhilaration of a chaotic, uncontrolled life.

On the other hand I did just spend half a year living in a cabin on an island without electricity or running water just because I thought it would be fun so maybe I haven't drifted quite as far into regular living as I fear. Anyway, I better post this now before I just delete it all again.

So there are 3 things that stick out to me here -

1) Ideally alcohol isn't part of your identity. Rather it's an enhancer. If it's how you previously released your inhibitions, then that's something to think about, seriously. It sounds in the realm of alcohol dependency. I don't think you want to be dependent on anything or anyone. Afterall...you just spent 6-months living in a cabin on an island with no electricity and running water.

2) Forcing yourself to do the uncomfortable things is what my therapist calls "exposure therapy". It works, but it sucks. I do it, because I pay my therapist $185/hour to help me figure this shit out. If nothing else, forcing yourself to do something because of the inherent cost (either literal of mental) is important. Afterall, you don't like being a quiet, pensive, moody, fuck. So, lighten up Francis!

3) "Regular Living" only means something if you make it mean something. Dude, you are still making new stories to tell that are fun and interesting. Contrast this when most people get a fucking caramel soy milk latte on their way to work and their whole story in life is, the barista made the drink wrong. I know what the fuck I'm talking about on this one, since my barista made my caramel soy milk latte wrong this morning.

TBH, I understanding all of your points, but 3 is one I connect to personally. One of the things I've struggled with professionally, is that I came to do the things I do along a very different path from many of my "peers". As a result, I have a very different set of life experiences, perspectives, opinions, and insights. It is sufficiently distinct that it unnerves people when they talk to me. It is sufficiently distinct that my insights are whole levels above what many of my colleagues are capable of providing. It is sufficiently distinct that I do not actually have very many true peers. Furthermore, I don't really sugar coat anything for anyone in what I do. Sometimes I hurt feelings, not necessarily out of malice, but out of not being able to give a fuck about petty shit that people care about. I basically do what I want to do, how I think it best to do it, and unless someone comes along with a good alternative idea, I keep on keeping on.

It is when I lose sight of my personal distinction, my own personal history, that I become the most frustrated with my work and life in general. What I have to remember, when that happens, is that no amount of work or life or change, takes away the experiences that I use to define me. No matter my responsibilities, EFT growth, or office politics, none of that changes who I am or that I did and do it my way. That's something that it seems fewer and fewer people can say. Many are stuck working dead-end jobs, even if they have retirement funds and take vacations. People are "working for the weekend". They are doing jobs they hate to pay bills for shit they don't need or even want. We have whole companies dedicated to helping you get rid of the shit you bought and paid for that you didn't need or really want. We have more reality TV than we have reality. Kids are spoonfed medications and Cheetos and parents wonder why they won't leave the house when they are 18. Can you imagine? I love my parents, but when it was time to move out, I was fucking ready to go. Raring for adventure, a chance to do things my way. The number of my colleagues who are going through the motions on a daily basis, effectively viewing their lives as deterministic, is appalling. They are here to carry out this chemical interaction to fulfill someone's deliverables on a government grant. A grant that the researcher who got it didn't even really want, because it just meant more work that was tedious and a distraction from the work they wanted to do. Some (many) view the grants as strictly the vehicle for fame and personal prestige, they'll walk on the backs of dozens if not hundreds of people, because they are slaves for the approval. They need external validation and verification to know their lives have meaning.

Do you need those things? I have never gotten the impression you needed external validation. So what if you have growing EFTs and a mortgage? It means something to you, because you're not only working for those things, but you're working to accomplish more. I can see how moving from a chaotic inchoate existence to a more deliberate and planned one is a culture shock. But that doesn't make it lesser, merely different.

I think Sinatra got it right -

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

[Totem Polar]

@misanthropist: FWIW, I cut way back on the cocktail hours, too, because it was the easiest way to shave both calories and outgo. I’m definitely not as much fun these days, either. But it’s the right course of action for the times, if that makes sense.

@RevolverRob: try oat milk, instead of soy, seriously. Both your taste buds and your gut will thank me later.

[RevolverRob]

@RevolverRob: try oat milk, instead of soy, seriously. Both your taste buds and your gut will thank me later.

Oat, soy, and almond all suck, in my experience. Fortunately, I can still drink real milk on the new diet, just not a lot of it. I actually went with skim milk this morning and could definitely taste the difference between it and whole milk, plus the barista actually did make the drink wrong and used hazelnut instead of caramel. I don't mind, I like hazelnut, but I was expecting caramel and my tastebuds and brain were confused.

That's actually the first latte I've had since I started my new diet 15 days ago. I'm pretty much just coffee with ~1/2 ounce of half-and-half in it for the most part. The bitch has been following doctor's orders and increasing the amount of coffee I drink. Going from basically 12-ounce a day to 36 ounces a day is actually more difficult than it might seem. You can't just start chugging coffee one day. I'm currently up to about 20-ounces a day.

But I have to be careful, because I'm prone to bouts of insomnia. Monday was a perfect example, well I guess Sunday night. I drank 24 ounces of coffee on Sunday starting at 8 am, stopping prior to 3pm, I "went to bed" at my normal time of midnight. I was awake until 6-fucking-AM...

[Guerrero]

I suppose, but nobody celebrated the new millennium on 1/1/2001

I did, because I'm like that. The wife just rolled her eyes and sighed.

[NEPAKevin]

What's so special about ten years vs. eleven?

Some guys have to drop their pants to count to eleven?

[Chance]

I haven't quite recovered from Y2K.

Simpler times....

[BN]

Simpler times....

Huh. They didn't say anything about guns and ammo.

[Maple Syrup Actual]

There's a lot to comment on but I will mostly restrain myself - and this is precisely the issue - not because I find socializing less comfortable while sober, but less appealing.

I appreciate, though, that there are people who get something out of my posts and that there is at least for some people the perception that I add something by posting. I can understand that - this is not intended to be a "poor me" post or anything - I just find that the less I drink, the more I start to talk, or write, and then rather than impulsively blurt something like I usually would, I hit the pause button.

And rationally I feel that there is usually a stronger argument for saying nothing than saying anything, so if I am being rational, I say nothing.



Finally I would say the only reason I would not describe my current mindset as "midlife crisis" is that I don't feel desperate about it...this is not what I think a crisis feels like. I feel fine, I just liked the irresponsible, intoxicated, impulsive version of myself better than who I became. But I'm not at a point in my life where I can really afford to be irresponsible, intoxicated, or impulsive and I don't really like it. Although I admit that I think the rewards will ultimately be worth it. I just feel deprived of a lot of my favourite things right now.

But in general, I assume these are the sensations that go with that term and I don't think my experience is anything unique. At most maybe I have a greater than average aversion to stability, or a greater love for wildness and disorder. But maybe not even that, I have no idea. Lots of people will riot when given the correct circumstances. At any rate it's not something I'm really struggling with exactly, it's just the reason I am currently feeling more introspective and withdrawn than usual.

[Jay Cunningham]

Anyone else finding themselves extra reflective heading into the New Year?

No, not at this time.

My only "regret" is not having more children at an earlier age.

But I thank God for my two daughters and my wife.

The past is the past.

I pray for an increase in Faith, Hope, and most especially Charity.

[Jay Cunningham]

Nah. Had my 25th wedding anniversary this year. Way more significant than the calendar rolling over two digits at once.

That's awesome.