I think the factory weight for a 9mm is 19lb? Either 19 or 21...either should work just fine. I wouldn't go much lower than 19; lock times will start getting slower and it might start having issues with harder primers. If you didn't mess with the factory hammer spring, then you can safely leave it be. Just about any normal firing pin stop should work; again I'd avoid the small radius ones. If you really want to be sure about it, you can pick up an EGW oversized stop and a couple minutes with a small file should get it to fit and prevent your extractor from clocking. Though to be honest...if it's extracting and ejecting the cases...I wouldn't worry too much if the extractor wiggles a little bit.
I can't completely tell from your picture above, but it looks like you have a reduced radius firing pin stop in your gun, which is not typically recommended for a 9mm gun. Usually, they use those for higher recoiling rounds.
The 1911 has the same slide whether it is a 9mm, .38 Super, .40 S&W, .45 Auto, 10mm, etc. Since 9mm recoils less than all those other calibers, anything you do to that could slow or delay the slide on a 9mm gun (heavier recoil spring, grease on the slide, reduced radius firing pin stop) is probably going to cause you problems, especially if you are using low recoiling 115gr training ammunition.
I'd also be cautious using a heavy mainspring with a 9mm 5" gun. The more force required to cock the hammer, the slower the slide moves. Get it moving too slowly and you'll have problems with reliability.
I use a small radius FPS and plan to try a heavy mainspring on my 9mm commander though. But that's because I am experimenting more than anything.
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If going 9mm is commander the safest choice for reliability because of less mass or does it not matter much?
I use a standard weight mainspring in my Colt .38 super which has a 9mm conversion barrel. It's reliable in both calibers when used with #13 recoil spring in 9mm and #15 in .38 super.
Yes, it was one of the reasons Colt went with that length of slide/barrel in the first place; the Commander was the answer to an Army solicitation after WWII for a 9mm service sidearm that was supposed to be lighter, smaller, carry more ammo, etc. Of course Colt said "Meh, take a 1911, make it run 9mm, see if they like that"...it didn't make the cut (no one did), but the size of the gun was so popular that Colt rechambered it in 45 and started selling it commercially in 1949 if I remember right.
Not saying 5" 9mm 1911s can't be made to run; just saying they're a lot more sensitive to a lot of things that a 45 or even 38 Super wouldn't even notice.