The "gun shop" stupidity aside, small women can and do handle any firearm they are willing to handle until age/infirmaties takes over.
Desire/want, need, are their only limits.
I've known young, tall, fit, athletic women who don't really "want" to shoot hand back a shotgun in disgust.
My 4'-10 3/4" (don't forget that 3/4"!) Mom shot 12 ga with good effect thru a Rem 1100 until she was 81 yrs old. But she saw and had the need. She can't do it anymore but that's the ravages of age and arthritis.
My fit Daughters can and do rock the heaviest recoiling firearms I own, with a smile & a giggle and I own some decent recoil producers.
It is to me, more of a "want to" issue than a "can't do because I'm small or I'm a woman" issue.
Those that don't want to, never will. Those that want to/see the need to, will deal with the appropriate power/recoil levels with style.
With the weight of the gun, there are usually ways to deal with that (ie small frame 20 Ga with a choke the gun likes and ammo that patterns in it). Recoi,l to a determined woman is a non issue in my experience.
Of course a short, light weight AR carbine in 6.8 with good bullet selection trumps ANY shotgun for the frail elderly in my opinion. Just harder to hit running coyotes & feral dogs and not so hot on snakes under the car next to the house : ).
Again, 20 Ga rocks for a lot of people.
I stand on my opinion that J-frame revolvers and shotguns are not for beginers but for those willing to use, practice, and understand/live with/live with the limitations of their guns. And that most things done with a J-frame could of been done easier with a K or larger frame Smith.
Pick your compromise. We all make them.