I hear you. About the FBI load. I have a few boxes of Federal, and just now examining them, I verified that the bullet is swaged and not cast. Swaged, as you know, are softer. For your purposes you might search for swaged h.p. bullets. Or(and don't laugh), use a drill press to make your own from available solid nose varieties. Good luck.
Would you take time to use once fired .38 Spl brass that has crimped primers? You would have to remove the crimp. I have a batch from the border patrol from many years ago.