The Gunny was saying to the Lieutenant one day. “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Not believing him, the Lieutenant called his bluff. “Okay, Gunny, how about Tom Cruise?”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it.” So they fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Gunny! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!” Although impressed, the Lieutenant is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, the Lieutenant tells The Gunny that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” The Gunny says.
“President Trump.” The Lieutenant quickly retorts. “Yep I know him, let's fly out to Washington.” So, off they go. At the White House, President Trump spots them on the tour and motions them over, saying, “Gunny, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and that Lieutenant come on in and let's catch up.”
Well, the Lieutenant is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to The Gunny, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope.” The Lieutenant replies. “Sure, I've known the Pope a long time.”
So, off they fly to Rome. They're assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when The Gunny says, “This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”
He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later, The Gunny emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
By the time he returns, he finds that the Lieutenant has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his side, The Gunny asks the Lieutenant, “What happened?” The Lieutenant looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the tourist next to me asked, who’s that on the balcony next to The Gunny?”