Sorry double post via the smart phone
Sorry double post via the smart phone
Last edited by vcdgrips; 04-07-2018 at 04:22 PM.
My 10 year old played a club volleyball tournament this morning, and a rec softball game this afternoon. You really have to just enjoy watching your kid play or it can be maddening. I absolutely hate softball/baseball (for the reasons cited above- it's not going to make them a better athlete, and by design you're doing absolutely nothing 99% of the time) but she loves it so there we are. I've also found youth ball to have the highest quotient of assholes - parents and coaches- by FAR of anything I've ever been involved in.
For example- today's game was forfeited by the other team because only 6 players showed up. We all agreed to go ahead and play a scrimmage anyway, even though it was 50 degrees and windy. Ref had to call the game after one inning because the opposing coach wouldn't quit arguing a ruling (that he was absolutely wrong about). My wife overheard that coach in the parking lot cussing about it, looking up the rule, and heading back to argue some more. Over a game that never even mattered. Something similar seems to happen almost every game, and this is in a church affiliated league.
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@rob_s, I won't presume you need meds, but you really need to chill the fuck out. I know a dude with six kids, the oldest of which is maybe ten and the youngest can't walk. He has the coolest sort of zen going because he cannot possibly worry about every little thing or get everything done. I'm certain you're not going to like this idea, but ask yourself, "If I don't get X done today, what's the worst that will happen?" Usually it's just that you didn't get X done.
Not that I could have articulated this as a kid, but all I really wanted from my parents was a sense of physical security and to know they loved me. If you can give them that, they probably won't care how much money you made or if they took part in every single thing that came down the pike.
Oh, and you can tell whoever is pressuring for a new bat that it won't improve your daughter's hand eye coordination any more than a new gun will make you Rob Leatham. Unless it's your wife and you're thinking about a new pistol, in which case you need a different analogy.
"Gunfighting is a thinking man's game. So we might want to bring thinking back into it."-MDFA
Beware of my temper, and the dog that I've found...
It seems to me that one of the issues here, is that you’re not convinced softball is good for her, in addition to your family. When it was a minor time commitment it was okay, but it is now too much for the (ostensible) benefits.
I think sitting down with the Mrs and your oldest would be a good idea. Discuss with your daughter what she finds compelling about softball and what she doesn’t? It may well be she is doing it for you or mom over herself. Especially, if she shows no enthusasim for it.
I have zero personal experience raising kids with ADHD, but tangential experience with my oldest nephew (8). Team sports, basketball, soccer, and flag football have all been non-starters in helping him be disciplined. At this age, team sports are centered around the 3-4 kids with talent and the position fillers. Not until JV high school will being on a “team” require significant commitment from each individual player. Right now your daughter goes, because you take her, not because she is talented and wants to go, there are a couple of kids who are good and everyone else is chasing their own team.
What has helped my nephew develop discipline, is martial arts (BJJ and taekwondo, both). He is passionate about (his mother is a black belt in taekwondo and his uncle (me) held a blue belt in my youth), and this makes him feel a family connection. AND most importantly, he benefits from one-on-one coaching and training. In a way that volunteer coaches could never provide. He started last year and will test for the green tag on his yellow belt soon, it’s improved his school and personal discipline DRAMATICALLY.
Point is, if your daughter seems bored, you’re bored, switch gears. Maybe your daughter needs a more individualized sport like a martial art. Not too mention, that I’m sure you can view that as more “practical” than softball.
Good point. A friend's son was a holy terror until he started martial arts. Settled him right down, across the board. FWIW, both parents are brilliant, disciplined and highly accomplished.
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Not another dime.
My oldest son, 12, is really into football and basketball. Unfortunately my youngest, 8, has completely soured on sports from being dragged to big brothers games and having the family revolve around big brothers sports. He has yet to find his own niche, but he thrives more in unstructured activities that unfortunately do not garner the same kind of societal value at a young age.
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Organized team sports I firmly believe are probably the best thing’s that kids can get involved in. Yeah, the time commitments can be brutal, but the payoff is sooooo well worth it.
We went all in with our daughter, 45 minutes each way to soccer practice 3-4 times a week for a couple seasons, up to 2 hours each way for games. That was one team. Another indoor league ran at the same time; the facility was also about 45 minutes away (EVERYTHING is 45 minutes away in the PA coal region). My son played football which was a MUCH simpler logistics arrangement; we live 3 blocks from the school / field / gym. Fall and spring for a few years we were lucky if the 4 of us were in the same room at the same time, much less actually have a meal together.
Both kids are grown and married now. My son did a 4 year stint on active duty with the Army, he’s now in the CO national guard, and going to school full time. My daughter just re-enlisted for another 4 years in the USAF....(they’re sending her to Avino Italy....made signing the contract a little easier...)I like to think that my wife and I did alright raising them, they’re certinaly not part of the “lost generation” or whatever it’s called anymore. I think years of competing on team sports has had a HUGE impact on the people they have grown to become. They’re tough and resilient, they can both take a punch. They respect authority. They get at a very deep level that life isn’t always fair, and that loosing is as much a part of life as winning is. They’re gracious and courteous, always willing to help someone out. They’re very active people, no lounging around waiting for diabetes to set in. Plus they’re sports fans....which is nice because regardless of anything else, there’s always sports to talk about. I’ll assume that a couple fathers of son’s here can relate to that.
Yeah, the logistics were a challenge for a while, I look at them now and see that it was all worth it.
Last edited by Kanati; 04-08-2018 at 03:14 AM.
I find it interesting the shit people carry around with them about their childhoods. I sort of *assume* my dad was "at all my games" but I frankly don't remember one way or the other.
One thing that went a long way towards me forgiving whatever minimal baggage I was carrying around about my own parents pretty much evaporated over the first few years with kids. Our kid, for example, could grow up and have an issue with "my dad only ever came to the last game of the day", but whatever issue that may turn into is almost entirely because her mom and I weren't on the same page with signing up for this shit to begin with. That's the kind of thing that I may have held a grudge about when I was 25, but at 43 I've moved on.
I find my parents behavior as they age far more disturbing than anything they "did to me" as a kid.