So you're a police officer...how has it changed you?

[KeeFus]

I wanted to be a cop because it was a noble profession...still is...but the atmosphere is way different than it was in 1995. My goal was to make a difference in peoples lives. I've done that but not always for the better. There are a few people alive because of me and what ive done. One was about 2 years old when her mother was t-boned by a suspects car we were chasing. She was thrown from the car and had stopped breathing. I saved her...but her mom was obviously dead from the wreck impact. Her brother was wrapped up in sheet metal and had to be extricated. Two of my shift mates quit within a year over that incident. Lately Im hitting the goal in a different way. I try to have a positive impact on the people I work with and supervise. Since 2008 I have made it my mission to teach officers how to survive in today's society. What two of my trainees have learned since 2008 was how to survive the aftermath of two seperate OIS's they were involved in. Those two are still policing strong today. One recently gave the same guidance to one of his subordinates...that one is still being investigated but its a clean shoot. The guy who was with me on my OIS now sells insurance. We speak often and he loves his job and family time.

I look at everyone as a threat until they're no longer a threat. I avoid crowded places simply because I don't trust people. There is always enough stupid going on in crowded places that Im always waiting for the hammer to fall. This puts my wife in an alerted state...which leads to us both being uncomfortable. We just avoid it as it generally makes life easier and less stressful. I also dont trust admin types who are in their position because of who they knew...not what they know. The good-ole-boy system is still in full effect here and it has ruined many a career. Three years and they can have my stuff. I will miss some of the people but there is more that can kiss my ass. It is what it is and I make no apologies for feeling that way.

Being a cop is more than I ever suspected it to be...but I tell my kids to choose another profession. They have seen what this job has done to me and my demeanor. They know the sacrifices because they have had to do things without me there. Its hard as fuck to tell your kid that you cant do this or that because of something bad that has happened at work or because you cant get off. Ever tell your family not to watch the news because of some shit you were involved in? Ive done it a few times. Ever told a family member to get the fuck out of your house because of their opinion on something you did? I have. Ever had to tell your kid why daddy had to shoot someone (someone at their school made me out to be a murderer...how the fuck do you respond to that) ? I have. None of that shit is pretty. Ever had to lie to your kids about why you cant sleep? Ever been Mirandized? Did I mention Im on my third marriage?

Im a salty bastard and I know it. This job has changed me and I dont think it has been for the better. However, I have made good impacts in peoples lives...both citizens and LE. The best comments I have ever received were from my people thanking me for getting them through some emotionally rough shit. No one did it for me so it was trial and error at my expense. All that and Im still trying to be an effective cop by doing small projects within the community I serve...but i keep a keen eye for bullshit from citizens and admin types so that I can hopefully avoid it.

If I had to start over Id be a fireman. People are always glad to see them when they pull up to a call. Besides, they get to sleep at work and shit. Whats not to like about that? 🤣

[Lon]

....they see the same shit you do

Kinda, but not really.

Firemen don't have to convince a guy in an interview that you completely understand how he could find a 5 year old attractive and that the 5 year old probably came onto him and wanted him to stick his cock in their mouth. Without pulling out your pistol and shooting the motherfucker in the head. Firemen don't have to interview a dozen different high school students and talk to them about their football coach and ask them if he's ever done anything inappropriate to them. Firemen don't have to listen to a 12 year old girl talk about how she'd been molested by her uncle for years. Firemen don't have to wade through gigabytes of child porn trying to find a clue as to who the motherfucker in the picture is. Firemen don't have to cut a 11 year old girl who hung herself down, try to save her and then investigate why in the world this beautiful little girl killed herself.

Firemen deal with a lot of blood, guts and other horrible things and I don't mean to take that away or minimize what they do. But they don't have to "gaze long into an abyss", as Nietzsche put it.

Why do I do it? One of the Russian special ops units has a motto, "if not me, then who?" Sums it up pretty good. Like Keefus, I think it's a noble profession. I don't do it because I think I can change things for the better for someone. If I can, great. But I don't expect to do it. I do it because I don't have it in me NOT to do it.

How did it change me? I don't trust people. Especially coaches, teachers, and youth pastors. You can't always tell what evil looks like. I don't like crowds. I have a hard time getting worked up about stupid shit that annoys the piss outta my wife. I was raised baptist and went to Christian schools all the way through college. But when I go to church (which isn't as often as I should) I wonder about the people in the congregation and what dirty secrets they hide.

The funny thing is that I was a fireman. I did both for a while and chose cop work over firefighting. No regrets, really. But if I was starting over again today, I'd tell my young self to be a fireman.

My nephew wants to be a cop. I'm gonna try to talk him out of it. He's a good kid. Innocent. I hate to think of him doing the things I've had to do and see the things I've seen. Before he graduates we are gonna have a very frank conversation so he knows what he's getting into if I can't talk him out of it.

[LSP552]

I spent 30 years with Louisiana State Police, primarily in investigations (Narcotics, Criminal Intelligence and Detectives) and SWAT stuff, until promoting to Capt. I also spent 3 years as an Army MP and a year in a city PD. Retired from LSP in 2008.

I wanted to be a trooper since I was a kid. Frankly, I always enjoyed the action and the challenge. Pointing guns at bad guys is a noble profession and I take pride in the fact there are people alive and safer now because of my actions, citizens because of bad guys I put away and troopers I trained who won gunfights.

Much has changed in LE during from when I started, including me. I don’t like crowds, and don’t trust people in general. I know that the vast majority of people are good; I just rarely dealt with them. Cops in general deal with the worse of society and it’s easy to forget that’s the minority when it’s the majority of whom you are interacting with on a regular basis.

Like everyone in this profession, I’ve sacrificed family life for the job. My first wife died of cancer in 2003. I wish I had been less of a workaholic earlier in our marriage.

I carry a gun everywhere I go and see everyone as a potential target, until they prove otherwise. I don’t go to stupid places with stupid people and do stupid things.

I wouldn’t start a LE career today, and feel sorry for my brothers and sisters on the job who have too much time invested and not enough to retire. I don’t do political correctness and I don’t want to work for a public who now believes my life is worth the same as a felon’s. I’ve always been OK knowing my life was worth less than the innocent I was protecting, I just can’t do the worth the same or less than a shitbag.

My advice for anyone wanted to start a LE career today, focus on federal LE.

[Unobtanium]

Lots of interesting posts. Lots of good insight!

[BehindBlueI's]

I'm n the mid-career years, 11 years on and a very even split of patrol and investigations. I work on a 1600-ish officer department that covers a very diverse area and population. I've worked the ghetto, the suburbs, the yacht-club crowd, and the trailer parks as a patrolman. On special services, I've worked huge sporting events, parades, protests, etc. In Investigations, I've only worked Homicide & Robbery.

So, I became a cop because after the military I tried the civilian world and it sucks. I lacked the sense of purpose, the feeling I made a difference, and I missed the comraderie. I had tried the EMT thing, but it pays for shit unless you're also a fireman and I didn't have any desire to be a fireman. I ended up as a security contractor, and that was cool until it was time to settle down and be a daddy and husband. So, I needed a sense of purpose but didn't want to move every few years. I liked to drive fast, shoot guns, and honestly did want to help people. My skill set and personality seemed to mesh with LE pretty well, so I went for it.

I get to drive fast and shoot guns, and every now and then I actually get to help someone so I think I'm hitting my goals. This week I've been instrumental in taking a shooter who's a serious threat to public safety off the street. I've locked up a carjacker who's terrible at his job. I've also had some cases that are complete dead ends for various reasons. When I first became a detective, I had trouble letting those go. Now I punt them like an NFL kicker. I do the best I can with what I've got and don't worry if the prosecutor, witnesses, victims, juries, etc. fuck it up. I do my absolute best to not make any of it personal. Even when I'm interviewing some total shit brick, I have to sometimes remind myself that with a few different choices and a little different background, I could have been that shit brick. That's not to say I never get angry or frustrated, but I think that perspective has helped me become angry and frustrated much less often. It's also let me do better interviews, as even when I'm not actually empathetic I can fake it enough to build a good rapport.

I still really dig people. I see the worst in humanity, but I see the best as well. Tonight I had two fast food workers help an older woman who was being carjacked and they were instrumental in the apprehension. Two young black males in a rough neighborhood who were part of the solution, not part of the problem. If you hold on to those, it can help you see people in a more positive light. That said, I'm no longer bothered by death or injury as long as it's an adult. Children hurt or in bad spots still sucks and it's waaay tougher to remain objective. An adult with their brains blown out? I can discuss lunch plans over their corpse. Kids? I'll be in a shit mood for weeks if I'm not careful.

It's actually close to what I thought it would be like. Being in major felony is MORE like what I thought it would be like, though. I knew becoming a cop meant lots of paperwork, lots of stupidity, lots of drunks, etc. I just didn't realize how petty so many of the calls are. Neighbors who can't get along, parents who call because they can't control their 7 year old, etc. I miss some things about patrol, but I don't miss dealing with that bullshit. I *really* like dealing with felonies only and mostly adults.

I'd do it all again. It's the best worst job there is. I'd rather my son not become a cop, though. Primarily because it's changing so rapidly. It's not the job today it was when I started, although that pendulum may swing again.

I didn't know if I'd like it, but it's not the Army. I can quit tomorrow if I want to and there's no AWOL charge. But honestly, I've no idea what else I'd want to do.

[lwt16]

Did I mention Im on my third marriage?


��

Here, they'd call you "rookie" as far as marriages are concerned.

I'm in the minority here at my agency as I am still married to my original bride. She's had to put up with a lot being the wife of a cop.

Another reason I don't want junior doing this for a living. His mom has been through enough putting up with me/the job and the last thing she needs as we approach 50 is constant dread and worry about her only child.

Copulate that.

[Nephrology]

Thanks for sharing all this, guys. Definitely helps put a lot of what I am doing in perspective.

I am still in my (medical, non-LE) training but I've also seen a lot of awful things that make me really question both what I am doing and the society I am ostensibly doing it for. Murder, rape, physical abuse, child abuse, elder abuse, addiction, mental illness, all the terrible social shit and then of course lots of people just suffering and dying for whom there is very little that can be done. Etc etc.

I've already sacrificed at least three stable long-term relationships for my career and picked up a terribly poisonous and abusive one somewhere along the way as well. I have a much harder time connecting to other people (I've torpedoed at least one 1st date by talking about the first time I saw someone get their chest cracked in the ER) and have become substantially more introverted than I ever used to be. Have basically resigned myself to dating + a divorcing a nurse at some point down the line. I've also become distinctly less kind to both myself and other people and have issues with anger that I didn't have before, none of which I ever thought would be an issue with my historically positive and outgoing demeanor.

Again, I'm not in LE and don't think that what I am doing has the same associated risks or sacrifices, but some of the themes here definitely ring true with me. Gives me stuff to think about and to look out for in the future. Thanks for sharing all

[blues]

Late to the dance but I'll add a few brief thoughts.

I've always looked upon law enforcement as an honorable, and even noble profession...(those who tarnish the badge notwithstanding).

The times when you can make a positive difference in the lives of the citizens we serve is a source of great pride, for which no amount of money can compare. And, of course, there are times when our best efforts may or may not be enough.

The administrators of law enforcement agencies across the board, federal, state and local are a mixed bag...often infuriating and frustrating but occasionally supportive as well. It depends on the level of competence and the marching orders from layers of government above.

Speaking for myself, I became disenchanted with the way things were done and operated for a period of years before I opted to take retirement but, that said, I'd not have missed the experience for the world.

I don't think the job changed me fundamentally. I believe the talents and cynicism I entered with were relatively unchanged for the most part over the years with some exceptions along the way.

There is nothing like the thrill of the hunt, both in the investigative sense and the actual tracking down of those responsible for the crimes under investigation.

I would not recommend the job to anyone these days without a strong caution regarding the potential pitfalls lying in their path...but I still believe it's possible to have a rewarding career despite the inevitable politics, liabilities and roadblocks one will encounter along the way. Just don't enter the career blindly or with rose colored glasses or you are sure to be blindsided by the real world you hadn't prepared yourself for mentally and emotionally.

[11B10]

Late to the dance but I'll add a few brief thoughts.

I've always looked upon law enforcement as an honorable, and even noble profession...(those who tarnish the badge notwithstanding).

The times when you can make a positive difference in the lives of the citizens we serve is a source of great pride, for which no amount of money can compare. And, of course, there are times when our best efforts may or may not be enough.

The administrators of law enforcement agencies across the board, federal, state and local are a mixed bag...often infuriating and frustrating but occasionally supportive as well. It depends on the level of competence and the marching orders from layers of government above.

Speaking for myself, I became disenchanted with the way things were done and operated for a period of years before I opted to take retirement but, that said, I'd not have missed the experience for the world.

I don't think the job changed me fundamentally. I believe the talents and cynicism I entered with were relatively unchanged for the most part over the years with some exceptions along the way.

There is nothing like the thrill of the hunt, both in the investigative sense and the actual tracking down of those responsible for the crimes under investigation.

I would not recommend the job to anyone these days without a strong caution regarding the potential pitfalls lying in their path...but I still believe it's possible to have a rewarding career despite the inevitable politics, liabilities and roadblocks one will encounter along the way. Just don't enter the career blindly or with rose colored glasses or you are sure to be blindsided by the real world you hadn't prepared yourself for mentally and emotionally.

blues, you continue to share your thoughts, experiences, dreams, and your sense of humor in words that are always interesting, but more importantly, are needed here. It's a very old cliche, but there really ISN'T any substitute for experience. When reading your posts, I get the feeling that I've known you for a long time - a true gift, Sir. Thank you for sharing it and everything else - with us. Last and certainly not least, thanks for your years of sacrifice and service.

[Larry Sellers]

Kinda, but not really.

Firemen don't have to convince a guy in an interview that you completely understand how he could find a 5 year old attractive and that the 5 year old probably came onto him and wanted him to stick his cock in their mouth. Without pulling out your pistol and shooting the motherfucker in the head. Firemen don't have to interview a dozen different high school students and talk to them about their football coach and ask them if he's ever done anything inappropriate to them. Firemen don't have to listen to a 12 year old girl talk about how she'd been molested by her uncle for years. Firemen don't have to wade through gigabytes of child porn trying to find a clue as to who the motherfucker in the picture is. Firemen don't have to cut a 11 year old girl who hung herself down, try to save her and then investigate why in the world this beautiful little girl killed herself.

Firemen deal with a lot of blood, guts and other horrible things and I don't mean to take that away or minimize what they do. But they don't have to "gaze long into an abyss", as Nietzsche put it.

Why do I do it? One of the Russian special ops units has a motto, "if not me, then who?" Sums it up pretty good. Like Keefus, I think it's a noble profession. I don't do it because I think I can change things for the better for someone. If I can, great. But I don't expect to do it. I do it because I don't have it in me NOT to do it.

How did it change me? I don't trust people. Especially coaches, teachers, and youth pastors. You can't always tell what evil looks like. I don't like crowds. I have a hard time getting worked up about stupid shit that annoys the piss outta my wife. I was raised baptist and went to Christian schools all the way through college. But when I go to church (which isn't as often as I should) I wonder about the people in the congregation and what dirty secrets they hide.

The funny thing is that I was a fireman. I did both for a while and chose cop work over firefighting. No regrets, really. But if I was starting over again today, I'd tell my young self to be a fireman.

My nephew wants to be a cop. I'm gonna try to talk him out of it. He's a good kid. Innocent. I hate to think of him doing the things I've had to do and see the things I've seen. Before he graduates we are gonna have a very frank conversation so he knows what he's getting into if I can't talk him out of it.

It's unique to hear what other PD's do in other parts of the country. Here in my little world of CT the PD does zero.zero ems related responses unless it's on one of their own. We have an understaffed police department and overzealous dispatchers who send us to domestics, hangings and brawls without giving us any other information. Unfortunately I've had my ass handed to me by an unruly group of folks who weren't happy to see any authority on scene, all of which culminated with being OC sprayed. I've been involved in FD shit for 15 or so years and getting paid to do it for 6 and honestly I wouldn't want my kids involved with this career field either, too many political agendas and the inability to remove folks that have no business being here. Ironically I wanted to be a police officer as a kid and even to this day (at 31) I wonder how/where I can go and get employed at and work for an agency guys want to be at and stay working for.

I don't mean to detract from the thread so please let me know if I am: I have a much, much, much lower opinion of society as a whole after spending a short time working where I do. As you had mentioned you're not a fan of crowds, neither am I as well as overly loud places for lengths of time. Sundays at church I sit in the back with my wife near the doors and I quietly think as you do what some of these folks are hiding...I have the utmost respect for the job that you all do, I know everyone says they appreciate what you do but not many truly understand the work it takes.

I am in NO WAY comparing apples to apples, I just wanted to share a bit of how it can be slightly different depending on your zip code.