Defusing A Sticky Situation

[XXXsilverXXX]

Mods please move as you see fit was just thinking mindset would be best place...

We talk just about everything else here, and I was thinking about some past situations I had been in and one in particular. I was probably 19 years old didn't have a gun yet, had made it to purple belt in BJJ in my youth, loved my knives, was strong enough for a Fat man, and always carried a knife. I was talking to my car after a great workout in a semi nice area in a lit parking lot, and I noticed this guy and his girl standing by a car didn't even look or think twice, and as I'm walking to my car the guy starts making a b-line to me, and yelling something about me looking at his girl and somehow having offended her, I've personally never seen either of them in my entire life. Guy was about 6'3" maybe a bit taller and built (to my 5'11" 260 poundness), 100% knew that if I got into a fight with this guy I would lose and probably die. So I ignore the guy and while continuing to walk to my car get my knife out of my back pack 5" kickback folder (totally illegal for me to carry concealed). Ignoring him just didn't seem to make him stop at all, just seemed to enrage him even more, so as I get to my car he is about 30 feet away from me I turn around with my back to my car and start yelling back at him asking what his problem was, just kept yelling about how I somehow disrespected his girlfriend. I as calmly as possible tell him I am sorry but I didn't, and he keeps walking toward me in an even more aggressive manner, so I open up my knife and prepare to at best lose a few teeth and break a few bones, at worst die. And as he is within 10 feet of him notices the knife comes to his senses and walks off saying that it's not over, and he will see me another day when I'm not hiding behind a little knife.

My thing is now as I have gotten older, not as strong as I was before, not even as fat, can't carry a gun, knife or anything 90% of the time because of my job, and Not wanting to get into a fight, are there any ways to defuse situations like this without resorting to a violent option, especially if the attacker is just to far gone in their own little world to even care if someone has a knife or even a gun?

[HCM]

Mods please move as you see fit was just thinking mindset would be best place...

We talk just about everything else here, and I was thinking about some past situations I had been in and one in particular. I was probably 19 years old didn't have a gun yet, had made it to purple belt in BJJ in my youth, loved my knives, was strong enough for a Fat man, and always carried a knife. I was talking to my car after a great workout in a semi nice area in a lit parking lot, and I noticed this guy and his girl standing by a car didn't even look or think twice, and as I'm walking to my car the guy starts making a b-line to me, and yelling something about me looking at his girl and somehow having offended her, I've personally never seen either of them in my entire life. Guy was about 6'3" maybe a bit taller and built (to my 5'11" 260 poundness), 100% knew that if I got into a fight with this guy I would lose and probably die. So I ignore the guy and while continuing to walk to my car get my knife out of my back pack 5" kickback folder (totally illegal for me to carry concealed). Ignoring him just didn't seem to make him stop at all, just seemed to enrage him even more, so as I get to my car he is about 30 feet away from me I turn around with my back to my car and start yelling back at him asking what his problem was, just kept yelling about how I somehow disrespected his girlfriend. I as calmly as possible tell him I am sorry but I didn't, and he keeps walking toward me in an even more aggressive manner, so I open up my knife and prepare to at best lose a few teeth and break a few bones, at worst die. And as he is within 10 feet of him notices the knife comes to his senses and walks off saying that it's not over, and he will see me another day when I'm not hiding behind a little knife.

My thing is now as I have gotten older, not as strong as I was before, not even as fat, can't carry a gun, knife or anything 90% of the time because of my job, and Not wanting to get into a fight, are there any ways to defuse situations like this without resorting to a violent option, especially if the attacker is just to far gone in their own little world to even care if someone has a knife or even a gun?

You can't reason with unreasonable people, therefore you can't defuse everything.

If you could get to the car to retrieve your knife, why not just get in and either drive away or run you assailant over as appropriate?

I will take a car over a knife any day.

[XXXsilverXXX]

I had never thought about that when then even as a after thought, but I had already had the knife in my bag while it was with me in the gym, I should of been more clear. In my mind I thought I couldn't of got in the car locked the doors started the car and drove away before said person could or broken the window and pulled me out. I know I wasn't thinking as straight as I could of been.

[HCM]

I had never thought about that when then even as a after thought, but I had already had the knife in my bag while it was with me in the gym, I should of been more clear. In my mind I thought I couldn't of got in the car locked the doors started the car and drove away before said person could or broken the window and pulled me out. I know I wasn't thinking as straight as I could of been.

Breaking a window and pulling you out is harder than it looks in the movies. It becomes progressively harder as you accelerate.

[45dotACP]

Usually I have a talent for defusing bad situations...or at least preventing them from going violent.

But that's because of work. If I go hands on with a patient they'll probably sue and win because you can literally punch a nurse in the face and pretty well get away with it. Get them to punch you back and you'll probably get rich. (End of bitter sarcastic rant here)

Usually you just back up and keep backing up until you're safe. Saying cute shit is not a good idea. Backtalking some dude who thinks you're disrespectful won't make him want to beat your ass less. Apologizing helps. Sure, being macho is cool...but we'll get to notions of how "alpha" you are later.

If they're inebriated or on something or just out of their fucking gourd it might not do much good.

I'll take a lot of shit talking and a patient throwing a half-hearted little sick guy punch is whatever. Hell I had a trached patient tell me he was gonna beat my ass. Recognizing the difference between a blowhard and an impending violent threat is a big deal, but disengaging is the trick.

Now...as to the notion of being an "alpha": If you can just get in your car and drive off, you're hard pressed to find a better option. Imagine if you kept talking cute to this dude and he decided you needed an attitude adjustment irrespective of your toothpick. Now you're an armed man, he's unarmed and has a witness who will testify that you're a violent psycho. Cut him up and you're in deep shit even if you win.

Best case scenario is what you got, but cut him just a bit and BOOM...felony record, never get to buy a gun, get a job etc...

Worst case scenario: You just eviscerated sumdood in an empty parking lot in front of his girlfriend. You are going to jail for the rest of your life for no other reason than you decided to try out the age old one liner "what's your problem pal?" and show him your knife instead of getting in the car.

Hard to do as a teenager...but you would not believe the trouble I've saved myself in my youth by not letting ego play into it, muttering a quick "Sorry Bro" And getting in my car. And as a nurse, if I shoot a perfect double leg on a patient and dislocate their shoulder because we got into a shouting match in the hall, I'll most definitely be fired...at best.

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[Mr Pink]

...are there any ways to defuse situations like this without resorting to a violent option...

Next time don't be looking at his girl and offending her.
A buddy of mine had a great response one time when a guy said he was eyeballing him at a bar. My buddy replied with, "I'm sorry, I was looking at the bottles of scotch on the bar behind you". He then rambled on about how he loved scotch. Guy walked away, and my buddy confessed he was actually looking at the guy because he didn't like the way he looked. Situation diffused.

[HCountyGuy]

If you haven't read it yet, I'd recommend the book Verbal Judo. It'll help shift your mindset about handling assholes and offer some suggestions on how to diffuse such situations.

Sometimes though, folks won't back down and you may have to get your hands dirty. If you've had no choice but to give some hothead a fat lip, make every effort to be the first to call the local law and get a report going. Usually the first party to call is viewed as the "victim". Be mindful of the company the opponent keeps, because in situations like the one you had, they're highly likely to lie to make you out as the aggressor.

If you can see such a situation coming, start the recorder on your cell phone to have some evidence of you trying to de-escalate.

[XXXsilverXXX]

If you haven't read it yet, I'd recommend the book Verbal Judo. It'll help shift your mindset about handling assholes and offer some suggestions on how to diffuse such situations.

Sometimes though, folks won't back down and you may have to get your hands dirty. If you've had no choice but to give some hothead a fat lip, make every effort to be the first to call the local law and get a report going. Usually the first party to call is viewed as the "victim". Be mindful of the company the opponent keeps, because in situations like the one you had, they're highly likely to lie to make you out as the aggressor.

If you can see such a situation coming, start the recorder on your cell phone to have some evidence of you trying to de-escalate.

I'll get the book thanks, it's almost been 10 years my mindset has changed a lot, but still I just have never encountered a situation like that since. When I worked at the county jail I had todo a lot of talking the inmates down, and just dealing with the stupid shit they said and did. Even with the cameras and the CO's you still got the bad end of the stick after a confrontation with a inmate.

[FrankinCA]

I had something like that happen recently at work. Co-worker got in my face and started pointing his finger at me.

Took a step back and kept my hands at my centerline. I was very polite . I was able to defuse the situation. Turns out, the individual was on medication. He apologized later . I just let it go.
I have to thank Cecil Burch. Took his class in Phoenix . I was able to apply techniques from that class.
The trip and expense we're well worth it.
Thanks Cecil.

[RJ]

Good thread.

One comment and a question.

Other day we rolled through Crescent City CA on our way up the 101. I pulled my rig (I'm 55' long with truck and trailer) into a side parking lot. I stopped and, like I normally do, started to observe the area before getting out.

I first saw the store was closed, with boarded windows. I then noticed an Adult Video store that was going out of business, followed by a couple dudes with no apparent thing to do other that notice me arrive across the lot.

Well. After a minute, a dingy sedan drove up to a few car lengths of the dudes, and some discussion ensued.

I had enough at this point and drove out smartly to another location.

I guess my comment is to practice good SA, even in vehicles. I can't think of anything good that would have come of staying.

My question is on 'Tape Loops'. I know I need a ECQC / MUC class, but what do you guys recommend for tape loop phrases?

My search skills suck as I've tried but failed to find any good links. Appreciate any thoughts on this.


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