Stupid Criminal Tricks

[Sero Sed Serio]

There was an incident when I was working on the Utilities contract where 2 girls were out 4 wheeling in daddy's brand new jeep. Anyway they went over a jump, took out the perimeter fence of a substation and landed inside the substation. They were extremely lucky that they weren't killed. So they back out of the substation and left the front licence plate behind.

Supposedly daddy and the police were waiting in the driveway with the plate when they got home

One of our local agencies, A, has a well-deserved reputation for zealous DUI enforcement, especially when it comes to officers from a neighboring city, B. One officer in particular from agency B has been arrested twice by agency A, only to have the charges dismissed because his BAC was at a .02 or .03 both times. Most officers from agency B avoid driving through city A if they've had anything to drink at all, but one apparently missed the memo and drunkenly crashed his POV into the fountain that is in front of city A's municipal complex (city hall, police headquarters, courts, etc.) He fled the scene on foot, but considering his car was registered to him and his agency B-issued duty weapon was in the car, it didn't take long to track him down.

I worked a case where a drunk guy followed someone into the secure parking lot of the Tucson Sector Border Patrol station. When initially contacted he said he was driving his friend home, then gestured to the empty seat next to him. He kept saying variations of "fuck you, baby" to the female Tucson PD Officer called to the scene, and at one point "attempted suicide" by holding his breath. Somewhere during the course of the investigation, he ended up at a hospital for some sort of "treatment." The medical staff determined that a catheter was necessary, and administered such. As a prosecutor with no medical training, I felt it wasn't my place to second-guess their expert judgment.

At some point I need to look through my stuff to see if I still have the picture, but a drunk guy on probation for his last DUI, while driving his friend's lifted Chevy truck, managed to drive due east on a north/south road. This short journey came to an end when he jumped the curb, drove up a 4-5 foot high dirt berm that was perfectly shaped as a ramp, and dropped the front tire directly through the windshield of a parked car, without touching the front bumper or hood. He then took off on foot, dropping his open bottle of liquor as he went. When we interviewed him (making sure to get pictures of his Crown Royal hat), the thing he was most upset about was that one Officer, after asking him why he didn't go back for the bottle after he dropped it, informed him that, in addition to DUI, he was also going to be charged with alcohol abuse.

[Cypher]

I worked a case where a drunk guy followed someone into the secure parking lot of the Tucson Sector Border Patrol station. When initially contacted he said he was driving his friend home, then gestured to the empty seat next to him. He kept saying variations of "fuck you, baby" to the female Tucson PD Officer called to the scene, and at one point "attempted suicide" by holding his breath. Somewhere during the course of the investigation, he ended up at a hospital for some sort of "treatment." The medical staff determined that a catheter was necessary, and administered such. As a prosecutor with no medical training, I felt it wasn't my place to second-guess their expert judgment.

If the place I work at now determines that you need a UA they give you a reasonable amount of time to produce a sample then they catheterize you.

[Sero Sed Serio]

If the place I work at now determines that you need a UA they give you a reasonable amount of time to produce a sample then they catheterize you.

Seems like a good way to gain compliance...

Not sure if that's what happened in this case, but possible. In Phoenix metro they typically get a telephonic warrant, and if they still don't want to play nice, there's a polyester pileup and the phlebotomist jabs a needle into whatever limb is sticking out of the scrum. Honestly, on a few of them I've seen I was surprised that an Officer didn't get their blood drawn in the confusion.

Oh, and refusal to submit to a blood/breath/urine test in AZ after arrest results in a one year license suspension, even if the BAC comes back triple zeros...a nice touch.

[Nephrology]

Oh, and refusal to submit to a blood/breath/urine test in AZ after arrest results in a one year license suspension, even if the BAC comes back triple zeros...a nice touch.

I believe it is the same in CO but I am not aware of the specifics.

[Chance]

By the way, do people still referred to seedy bars as a "bucket o' blood"?

There was a bar in Killeen like that. The guys at the MMA gym I went to would go there and basically wait for the fight to start, then get some real world practice in.

[Stephanie B]

More from Print:

Arrest: 800 block Brushton Ave., Homewood South, Feb. 24, 1:43 a.m.:
Officer was on patrol when he spotted a tan Buick Century with an expired license plate. Upon speaking with the occupants, officers detected an odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle and one of the occupants appeared unusually nervous. The make was removed from the car at which point offers found 28 stamp bags of heroin as well as marijuana. The male, 25, also repeatedly lied about his name. Officers later identified him, address unknown. The male also had a warrant out for his arrest. He was transported to the Allegheny County Jail. Enroute to the jail, the male became irate and began yelling racial slurs at the officers and informed them that he was a "savage" and requested officers remove his handcuffs so he could fight them. That did not happen.

Shadyside, Feb. 24, 3:08 p.m. Unknown actor removed lamp post.

I know it's my sister's paper and yes, I might be biased a little, but I'd subscribe just for the police reports. Whatever cop is writing them could give Sgt. Cotton in Bangor a run for his money.

[RevolverRob]

More from Print:

I know it's my sister's paper and yes, I might be biased a little, but I'd subscribe just for the police reports. Whatever cop is writing them could give Sgt. Cotton in Bangor a run for his money.

These are my FAVORITE stories. Seriously, they'll accuse the cops of racial profiling...despite...

1) Driving in a car with expired plates @2am in a bad neighborhood
2) Smells like weed when the window is rolled down
3) Lies to the cops about his name
4) Has a warrant out for his arrest
5) 28 stamp bags of heroin and weed in the vehicle when searched

But it's racial profiling and the cops are racist. It can't be that someone did something fucking stupid like...all of the above.

The only thing missing from this story was to claim that Sumdood gave him the car, the drugs, the warrant, and his pants...Because Sumdood is the nicest guy ever...always giving people pants with drugs, guns, and stuff in them, and the free cars.

[TDA]

There was a bar in Killeen like that. The guys at the MMA gym I went to would go there and basically wait for the fight to start, then get some real world practice in.

There's a bar in my town like that. I remember hearing a Judge admonish a defendant, "If there's one thing I've learned in 25 years on the bench, it's stay the hell out of [that bar.]" It's the dice game on the sidewalk outside where you probably get stabbed though, if we're talking statistics.

[BehindBlueI's]

Lookout of a serial robbery crew, who's already admitted to knowing the guys, riding with the guys, hearing the guys discussing a robbery, seeing the guys load things from a home invasion robbery, etc.

On multiple surveillance videos he goes in, looks around, then waves the main suspect in. He then watches the robbery and leaves with the suspect.

Me: Is this you in this photo? (business 1)
Him: Yeah.
Me: And this one? (business 2)
Him: Yeah.
Me: And this one? (business 3)
Him: Yeah.
(this went on for awhile)
Him: Yeah, but I was at all of them but I didn't do nuffin.
Me: You just happened to walk into every one of these businesses a few seconds before your buddies came in and robbed them?
Him: Yeah. I was just trying to buy some chips. Before I could buy the chips, they would come in and rob the store. So I'd tell them to go to another store and I'd go in and try to buy chips and then they'd come in and rob it before I could buy the chips, so I'd tell them to go to another store... (this went on awhile)

He was legitimately surprised he was being arrested.

****

During a traffic stop for a DUI:

Suspect: This car is stolen...but you can't prove it.

Turns out we could.

****

Skinny McCrackhead attempts to rob Thunderhead the Muscular, a recent African immigrant who apparently deadlifted rhinoceroses back home for fun. Skinny takes the gun off Thunderhead to reach into the register...and Thunderhead pounces. Thunderhead takes the gun from Skinny, throws it down so hard it breaks the slide off the frame, and then puts Skinny in a headlock. He lifts Skinny up so hard he breaks his belt and Skinny, being a moist crackhead, wriggles out of the headlock and takes off. I ID'd Skinny and put a BOLO on him. He got picked up shoving meat in his pants at Kroger and came off it pretty quick. Back to Thunderhead, I asked why he didn't kill the guy. Thunderhead said he wasn't sure if you were allowed to kill robbers in the US. I liked Thunderhead.

***
My very first robbery with apprehension as a detective. Another example of poor victim selection. Slim Shadeless takes a taxi, and the Taxi is driven by the reigning champion of the Heavyweight Taxi Driver Boxing League - International. Slim pulls a folding pocket knife, reaches through the window, and demands Champ's earnings for the day. Champ hits Slim so hard it breaks his nose and knocks him out...with an over the shoulder swing. Slim's nose looked like something you'd see on a muppet. He was still leaking when I interviewed him, and his eyes were puffing up to the point he looked like a sad bleeding raccoon. He confessed because he thought Champ used excessive force....

[Totem Polar]

^^^that book thing... tell me you are on it...