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Thread: Stupid Criminal Tricks

  1. #21
    Paws Before Boots Coyotesfan97's Avatar
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    Mar 2011
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    Phoenix Metro, AZ
    I had a guy one time I knew was lying about his name but I didn't have enough to arrest him for it. I wrote him a traffic ticket and he signed it with his real name. Yes we have a winner!
    The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.* Thucydides 471BC

    "Hey! Let's be careful out there." Sgt Phil Esterhaus played by Michael Conrad

  2. #22
    Paws Before Boots Coyotesfan97's Avatar
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    Mar 2011
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    We had a double stabbing one time where the suspect dropped his wallet in the yard behind the victims. I've seen several armed robberies where the suspect left his wallet on the counter.
    The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.* Thucydides 471BC

    "Hey! Let's be careful out there." Sgt Phil Esterhaus played by Michael Conrad

  3. #23
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    Feb 2014
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    Midwest
    One of my all time favorites. This 17 year old kid and a 15 year old accomplice do two shotgun drive by shootings in a residential neighborhood practically right underneath our police chopper. No one hurt, but two houses ventilated. Needless to say they are caught, almost still in the same neighborhood.

    The 15 year old is literally too stupid to be bound over as an adult, he was a couple points below the minimum IQ (I had no idea there was a threshold). The 17 year old does have a sufficient IQ to go to the bigs, and the case gets assigned to a judge not known for a cheery disposition. The 15 year old, as a part of a plea agreement, has to testify against the 17 year old. He shows up to one prelim wearing an airbrushed tee shirt saying free his friend, "Lil' Steve." We did not go forward that day, so he did not go in front of the court.

    Later, as part of prep, I am taking the prosecutors out to the scene and we are talking to the victims. One of them, no saint himself, starts going off on the fact that Lil' Steve made a rap CD bragging about the shooting that Is being sold at the corner store. We obtain one, and sure enough, he even refers to the victims by name, noting how they, "woke up with buckshot in their house." We schedule a revokation hearing almost immediately, in which we play the rap CD. It drew quite a crowd. The defense attorney later told me of all the defendants he had ever represented, this was a first.

    Lil' Steve, realizing he had rapped himself into a poor position legally, eventually took a deal (which was quite generous by all accounts). The judge was less enthusiastic, and while he accepted the plea, he consec'd Lil' Steve on some of the counts instead of running them concurrently. This added about four years. We figured that was the judge's way of expressing the fact he did not like rap music in his courtroom. So not only did this kid hasten his conviction with his rap, it cost him four extra years of his life.

    Word...
    Polite Professional

  4. #24
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    I forgot another favorite. False ID to law enforcement. It might just be an M-3 but it looks good on their criminal history. Judges love liars

  5. #25
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
    Location
    Northern Southeast Missouri
    Second surveillance video story:

    The ADA gave me another video CD to look at. He never gave me the story of what the case was about, it was always "look at this and tell me what you see."

    The video was of a hallway in the local high school. A couple of boys were standing in the hallway, apparently chatting. Then this bigger kid came up from behind one of the kids (sort of at a 135deg angle) and punched one of the kids in the head. The punchee almost fell down, dropping his stuff, and then the two got to fighting.

    The school resource officer arrested the kids. The school, in its usual zero-tolerance bullshit, suspended both kids.

    The prosecutor dropped the charges against the punchee. The puncher got a free upgrade in his charges. If I remember correctly, the punchee had a laptop in his stuff, which broke when he dropped it after getting sucker-punched. So the puncher got a "damage to property" beef added in.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  6. #26
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    Jan 2012
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    Georgia
    Some of you probably see things like this all the time but here goes. Earlier this year i was driving home on a busy boulevard when up ahead of me I see an officer light up the car ahead of him. The guy in the car speeds up and the officer speeds up with him. There is traffic so the guy pulls over and stops on the right side of the road. As soon as the officer gets out and walks up to the driver's side the guy floors it and takes off. I could see the officer cursing as he ran back to his cruiser. He got in and gave chase. Again, there was traffic on the street at this time so it's not like the offender is going to get real far. Finally I saw the guy make a right turn with the officer in hot pursuit -- both of them speeding up into the distance as I went by the street. I have no doubt the guy was caught and faced charges.

    Not a big deal by any means, just one of those things that is humorous to watch unfold. The jerk probably put some folks in danger though the way he was driving.

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by PD Sgt. View Post
    So not only did this kid hasten his conviction with his rap, it cost him four extra years of his life.

    Word...
    If only all bad rap music was punished so.
    The Minority Marksman.
    "When you meet a swordsman, draw your sword: Do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet."
    -a Ch'an Buddhist axiom.

  8. #28
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
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    Northern Southeast Missouri
    Quote Originally Posted by TC215 View Post
    This was one of my cases. Convicted felon posted a selfie on Facebook holding a Springfield XD. Things went downhill for him from there. We were able to prove at trial that the gun was real without ever having recovered it. It's already been appealed to the 6th Circuit, may wind up going even higher.
    I just checked PACER, his appeal brief is due later this month. I might download that one, it could be interesting.

    Seems his AKA is "Marvin Buckles". He got 15 years for that selfie.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  9. #29
    ADMiTTED SiGARMS HiPSTER
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    Oct 2014
    Location
    Tempe, AZ
    Reasonable Doubt?
    My first felony trial was a stone cold whodunit--guy gets arrested in a bar fight, arresting officer finds meth pipe in his vest pocket. Guy is squirrelly at the scene, so officer can't do a full search at the scene, but when they get him to the jail, they find a baggie of meth in the coin pocket of his jeans. We knew from the city prosecutor who handled the bar fight portion of the case that the guy claimed someone at the bar set him up and planted the drugs on him. In my case, he gets on the stand and says he never saw that stuff in his life, but didn't go as far as to put the blame on anyone in particular for planting it on him. So I decide to have a little fun:

    "So, when you get to the bar, you take your jacket and vest off?"
    "Yes."
    "And you put it on the stool next to you?"
    "No, I sat on it."

    At this point I'm confused: how can the meth fairy sneak a pipe into your vest pocket if you're sitting on it. So I look at him like he's the dumbest person alive...

    "You SAT on it?"
    "Yes."
    "It was UNDERNEATH you?"
    "Yes."

    Then you literally see the lightbulb come on...

    "Well, uh, except when I got up to go to the bathroom...

    Gotcha! So I start reeling him, and all the while, you can just see visions of reasonable doubt dancing in his head...

    "And you left your vest and jacket on the barstool?"
    "Yeah!"
    "It was totally unattended?"
    "Yeah!"
    "You couldn't see what anyone was doing with it at all!"
    "YEAH!"

    Remember this doesn't explain the baggie of meth in his pants pocket, but I've got him thinking that he's got this thing beat. So I look at him, and with a face of absolute innocence, ask my last question:

    "Did you leave your pants on the barstool when you went to the bathroom, too?"

    His deflated "No" is drowned out by one of the back row jurors snorting, and the guilty verdict came back in 6 minutes.


    Call the Sheriff!
    The scene: popular bar at 1:45 a.m. (state law closes all bars at 2:00 a.m.) The hero of our tale, a Constitutionalist who doesn't recognize the authority of the US government blah blah blah, and who has an outstanding felony warrant, has run up a $60 bar tab, and decides to cash out. His first card is declined. He tries a second. Also declined. So the bartender tells him to leave. His response? "Fuck you, you can't make me!" So the bouncers make him. What does our little Rhodes Scholar do? Tries to push his way back into the bar. Where he voluntarily decided to quick drinking just a few minutes before. That is closing in 15 minutes anyway. That isn't going to serve him anything else no matter what. So the bar staff calls the police.

    Officer arrives to see this guy still trying to push his way into the bar. Officer tells him to leave. Guy responds "Fuck you, you can't make me!" Officer wants to be sure the guy knows he is actual police, as opposed to security, so grabs the guy, spins him so that he is facing the officer, and says "I am the police. You need to leave." Guy still refuses. So officer tells guy (who remember, has felony arrest warrant): "I don't care who you are, I don't care what happened in there, just walk away." Guy still refuses, and continues yelling and trying to push his way back in the bar. So officer and sergeant attempt to physically drag guy off property, and tell him to leave 5 or 6 more times. Finally guy takes a swing at the sergeant, and that earns him an arrest. As the backup officers are dragging him to the transport van, guy starts yelling "Call the Sheriff! Call Sheriff Joe [Arpaio]!" because Constiutionalists believe that Sheriffs are the only true authority because of something to do with how they were appointed in Medieval England or some such nonsense.

    When they get him to the station, he's still being aggressive, so they chain him in a holding cell, Jesus-style. He keeps yelling for someone to call the Sheriff until an OIT (Officer In Training) gets tired of hearing it, goes over to the cell, and opens the door:

    "Hey buddy, we called Sheriff Joe like you asked"

    Guy completely believes that a city police department called the elected sheriff on one of the largest counties in the country and immediately calms down...

    "Yeah, what'd he say?"
    "He said: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"


    He stopped me...
    Tucson Police Officer assigned to graveyard shift has family member flying into town. Oftentimes flights to Tucson are hundreds of dollars more expensive than flights to Phoenix, so family member flew into Phoenix airport, and officer was going to get off early and drive the 2 hours to pick family member up. As officer is driving back to the station, he's doing his best not to look for crime. He comes up behind a car driving well below the speed limit (often an indication of a DUI), and tries to pass the car. The car cuts off his patrol car. The officer is annoyed, but has to get up to Phoenix, so he tries to pass again. The guy cuts him off a second time. Officer is pissed, but doesn't have time for this stupidity, so he jerks the car into the other lane and guns it so guy can't cut him off again. Apparently the guy didn't like being thwarted, and expressed his displeasure by throwing a beer can at the passing patrol car. At this point officer decides enough is enough, and makes a traffic stop. Lo and behold, guy is, in fact, DUI.

    Case (not mine) goes to some sort of court hearing. Defense attorney asks officer "Why did you stop my client." Officer responds, "Uh, well, he stopped me..."

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by jck397 View Post
    ...because Constiutionalists believe that Sheriffs are the only true authority because of something to do with how they were appointed in Medieval England or some such nonsense.
    I'm no legal scholar, but my understanding is that this completely BS legal theory arose in the post-Civil War South as an attempt to justify local LEOs refusing to enforce (and sometimes actively participating in the violation of) Federal laws providing equality for black people. Make of that what you will.

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