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Thread: Stupid Criminal Tricks

  1. #11
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    One that was relayed to me years ago from a Deputy that was on the local/area meth task force (this was back when I lived in downstate IL). People had been hitting the local fertilizer facilities and stealing anhydrous ammonia from the tanks (for those that didn't grow up in corn & soybean company this is a good representation of the tanks/lots). The deputy was watching one facility when there was a call that someone had hit another location and made off with some of this anhydrous ammonia. He was in the area and took off to find the suspect.

    Apparently this guy was easy enough to apprehend because he was driving down the road Ace Ventura style with his head out the window and a 5 gallon bucket of this fertilizer in the passenger seat. It's a wonder the dude didn't kill himself before he got caught . . .

  2. #12
    ...same as it ever was... blues's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
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    blue ridge mtns
    Tailed a money laundering target at Miami International Airport who was about to board a flight to Colombia.

    Had some customs inspectors pull the guy over in the jetway and go through his carry-on. In his huge duffel bag he has one of those old style table top radios. Inspector opens the back and a substantial amount of U.S. currency is secreted within the chassis of the radio, wrapped in aluminum foil and covered in cardboard.

    Guy denies that he was involved or that he knew anything. Some anonymous guy or friend gave him the radio to deliver to someone in Bogota or Cali or Medellin. Who can remember?

    Anyway, I notice that the cardboard surrounding the packets of cash come from a cut up "British Knights" sneaker carton which were less than popular in the mainstream.

    What sneakers does the guy have on his feet? You guessed it. Idiot went to trial but you can envision the result.
    Last edited by blues; 01-03-2017 at 01:53 PM.

  3. #13
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
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    In a lot of rural counties, the assistant prosecutors are part-timers who have their own practices.

    I was somewhat fresh out of law school and working in a firm where one of the partners was a prosecutor. He wasn't very computer literate (not much more than my cat). So he would ask me to review the surveillance video CDs on cases.

    There was this one guy who was being charged with indecent exposure. Defense counsel had already looked at the CD and claimed that it was "inconclusive". (The perp had stood behind a shopper and played with himself.) I looked at the video and then told my boss: "Either he's jerking off, or that's the end of a hotdog in his hand". I then made a comment that if he managed to get some women on the jury, they would be out for all of 25 minutes. If even that long.

    The perp eventually pled out to something or other.


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    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  4. #14
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    Nov 2012
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    San Antonio, TX
    Two Brooklyn stories:

    1. On Flatbush Avenue by Erasmus Hall High School (my school) which is on a major shopping street - a guy grabs a woman's purse. He runs down the yellow line on the street as she screams. He turns the corner and run right down the side street where the police precinct is located. The shifts are changing and there are zillions of officers who give chase, horses, cars, everybody. So he runs back down the street with the charge after him. I saw one officer trip and fall. Another pulled his 38 and aimed but a fellow officer said: OH, for God's sake - we got him.

    I'm watching the whole thing. The guy is swarmed and disappears under a scrum of blue. You see his arm waving the purse as he cries - I didn't do nuttin. A car squeals up and and the fellow, who is not looking too hot, is shoved in the car. A Brooklynite says to an officer: Hey - what did you to him. He don't look too good.

    An officer says to him: He fell down, sir. YOU could fall down too!

    Guy says - Why that's all right.

    2. One of the young men who was on my block and played stick with us was a bad kid. Finally he goes into the corner bank and tells the teller that he has the teller's mother held captive - give him the money. Now the teller has just spoken to her mother on her lunch break. She presses the silent magic button. This bank is close to the above precinct. Johnny goes off to spend time in a NYS bad place.

  5. #15
    ...same as it ever was... blues's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
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    blue ridge mtns
    Quote Originally Posted by Glenn E. Meyer View Post
    Two Brooklyn stories:

    1. On Flatbush Avenue by Erasmus Hall High School (my school) which is on a major shopping street - a guy grabs a woman's purse. He runs down the yellow line on the street as she screams. He turns the corner and run right down the side street where the police precinct is located. The shifts are changing and there are zillions of officers who give chase, horses, cars, everybody. So he runs back down the street with the charge after him. I saw one officer trip and fall. Another pulled his 38 and aimed but a fellow officer said: OH, for God's sake - we got him.

    I'm watching the whole thing. The guy is swarmed and disappears under a scrum of blue. You see his arm waving the purse as he cries - I didn't do nuttin. A car squeals up and and the fellow, who is not looking too hot, is shoved in the car. A Brooklynite says to an officer: Hey - what did you to him. He don't look too good.

    An officer says to him: He fell down, sir. YOU could fall down too!

    Guy says - Why that's all right.

    2. One of the young men who was on my block and played stick with us was a bad kid. Finally he goes into the corner bank and tells the teller that he has the teller's mother held captive - give him the money. Now the teller has just spoken to her mother on her lunch break. She presses the silent magic button. This bank is close to the above precinct. Johnny goes off to spend time in a NYS bad place.
    Quit it, GEM. You're making me nostalgic. When I used to work out of the federal courthouse on Tillary St., your old high school was in one of the several neighborhoods my partner and I would cover. That was probably the nicest of the lot.

  6. #16
    This was one of my cases. Convicted felon posted a selfie on Facebook holding a Springfield XD. Things went downhill for him from there. We were able to prove at trial that the gun was real without ever having recovered it. It's already been appealed to the 6th Circuit, may wind up going even higher.


  7. #17
    ...same as it ever was... blues's Avatar
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    His counsel, from the little bit I have read, seems as big a moron as his client. Nicely done neighbor.
    Last edited by blues; 01-03-2017 at 05:51 PM.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by blues View Post
    His counsel, from the little bit I have read, seems as big a moron as his client. Nicely done neighbor.
    That's an understatement. I'd go into further detail if all the appeals were done.

  9. #19
    Being a California superior court judge that steals a US Citizen's ID to commit passport fraud (just to travel on vacation) while practicing under his real name and getting issued a CCW in that name. Agreeing to let me interview him and confessing to the crime both verbally and in a written statement. Having the judge at initial appearance throw out the immigration detainer because "Canadian citizens (which is where the judge was from) can't be illegal aliens...because they're from...Canada."

  10. #20
    sheep-hitting pipedog misanthropist's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
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    in the desert, culturally appropriating your organs
    Quote Originally Posted by State View Post
    Being a California superior court judge that steals a US Citizen's ID to commit passport fraud (just to travel on vacation) while practicing under his real name and getting issued a CCW in that name. Agreeing to let me interview him and confessing to the crime both verbally and in a written statement. Having the judge at initial appearance throw out the immigration detainer because "Canadian citizens (which is where the judge was from) can't be illegal aliens...because they're from...Canada."
    Ha! Immunity, bitches!



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