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Thread: Stupid Criminal Tricks

  1. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie B View Post
    I just checked PACER, his appeal brief is due later this month. I might download that one, it could be interesting.

    Seems his AKA is "Marvin Buckles". He got 15 years for that selfie.
    Yeah, his birth name was Marvin Buckles. He changed it to Malik Allah First-born Farrad, because, well, why not?

  2. #32
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TC215 View Post
    Yeah, his birth name was Marvin Buckles. He changed it to Malik Allah First-born Farrad, because, well, why not?
    I imagine that there are places where he would be charged with blasphemy for that name. He'd not get much of chance to appeal the penalty they'd give him for it.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie B View Post
    I imagine that there are places where he would be charged with blasphemy for that name. He'd not get much of chance to appeal the penalty they'd give him for it.
    What I was thinking when I read the name - guys not a native to that language or culture.

  4. #34
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    More from my sister's paper:

    Dec. 21, 800 block Brushton Ave., victim reported that her 2003 green GMC Denali had been stolen one week earlier after she left it running when she ran into Bett's Market on Brushton Ave. to purchase "blunts". It us unknown why the victim waited a week to report the theft, but she did state that a friend saw the car recently at the Wendy's drive-thru on Penn Ave. in Wilkinsburg. On Dec. 24, an East Liberty man was arrested after officers stopped the vehicle.

    (Maybe this belongs under "Stupid Victim Tricks"?)
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  5. #35

  6. #36
    Needs Trigger Warning RevolverRob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jck397 View Post
    "Yeah, what'd he say?"
    "He said: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
    "
    Nice.

    Not my story, but given to me by a very good friend.

    My buddy -Jim- works for a Sheriff's department in the Deep South. One afternoon he gets a radio call for backup to felony stop a stolen vehicle. Jim heads over to backup his partner and a high-speed pursuit ensues. Normally pursuits aren't a big deal because most of the county is pretty sparsely populated, but as you can guess, this one is different. This time the perps are driving right into a small town at 3:30 in the afternoon and headed straight for an Elementary school zone. Jim's partner PITS the perp's car and crashes it just 100 yards from the school zone. Jim jumps from the car as his partner is attempting to extract the driver who is now fighting hardcore. In the ensuing fight his partner actually injures his shoulder trying to remove the large perp from his crashed vehicle and pulls out of the fight. They finally get more backup and Jim approaches the suspect and demands him to show him his hands and get out of the car.

    The perp starts shouting, "No hablo ingles, no hablo ingles!"
    Jim holding the perp at gunpoint shouts, "I bet you speak Glock motherfucker! Now show me your f*cking hands!"

    The perp realizing he is done becomes compliant.

    Fast forward a few months and the case comes up in court. The perp gets up on the stand and testifies that Jim is a racist cop who hates Mexicans and was profiling him. The whole incident started from racial profiling. He gives this testimony in...nearly perfect...English.

    When cross-examined he was asked if he said, "No hablo ingles!" to officers...he nods and says, "I just learned English..."

    The jury was out for 10-minutes before coming back with a guilty verdict. I never asked Jim if he had to attend any sensitivity training for his "Speak Glock" comment...
    Trigger Warning: Commentary provided by the above author does not constitute a reality in which any person should live. Commentary is highly opinionated and may include crude, caustic, intentional or unintentionally offensive verbiage. If you find any of the above objectionable, please exit now and seek professional help.

  7. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie B View Post
    It us unknown why the victim waited a week to report the theft

    Rock rental wasn't returned on time.

  8. #38

  9. #39
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    And another one from Print:
    Aggravated Assault: 7200 Frankstown Ave., Homewood, Dec. 28, 4:38p.m. Officers responded to a ShotSpotter alert and arrived to find a car stopped sideways in the street with several .22 caliber shell casings on the ground around the vehicle. The driver of the car was a 31 year-old female who indicated that an ex-boyfriend fired shots at her while she was driving along Frankstown Avenue. Witnesses at the scene indicated that she was driving down the sidewalk, attempting to run the man over before he fired the shots. This case is under investigation and warrants will be obtained if appropriate.
    Yeah, if they can keep the judge from laughing when they ask for the warrants, that is.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  10. #40
    Queen of Haikus- PF 2016 Stephanie B's Avatar
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    More from Print:

    Aggravated Assault: 8032 Bennett St. (Taboo Nightclub), Jan 7, 2:10a.m. A 53-year old male victim came to the police station to report that he had been assaulted the previous night. The victim had a bloodshot left eye, a swollen upper lip with a chunk of skin removed, and a swollen nose. He reported that he was playing pool at the club the previous night when someone grabbed him from behind and began assaulting him. He was thrown to the floor at which point someone stomped on him. Prior to losing consciousness, the victim was able to identify his step-daughter as one of the people attacking him. Zone 5 detectives are working to identify the other suspects.
    Stolen Vehicle: Bruston Ave. and Kelly St., Homewood South, Jan. 2. Victim reports that he had a flat tire and pulled over at the above intersection. He noticed his friend, known only to him as "S" and asked "S" for help. "S" told the victim he would change the tire for him. While the victim waited in a nearby store, "S" fixed the flat tire, then stole the car. The vehicle is 2010 gray Chevrolet Impala.
    The next day, the cops found a dead guy in the middle of a street in Homewood South. He had been shot multiple times. Care to wager whether or not his name or nickname began with a "s"?
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

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