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Thread: Stupid Criminal Tricks

  1. #1
    The Revolver Enabler Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
    Northern Southeast Missouri

    Stupid Criminal Tricks

    My sister runs a small weekly paper that covers the east side of Pittsburgh. I don't live there, but I subscribe, because she's my sister.

    One of the items I've come to love is the police reports. I'm going to summarize one:

    Dec. 1th: At 11:30 AM, the Zone 5 cops respond to a hit-and-run at Lincoln and Meadow. A black Kia had hit the victim's car, causing the vic's car to be lodged under a SUV. The vic had injuries. Witnesses reported that the driver was a white dude. The Kia had shed its bumper cover at the scene.

    At 2:30 PM, when the cops involved were at the cop shop, writing up their reports, a guy came in and asked for help because he had run out of gas on Washington Ave. The cops checked on the car; it was a black Kia which was missing its bumper cover. The driver first denied that he had been driving the car earlier, but they Mirandized him and, under questioning, he fessed up. On his person, he had pot, a hypodermic, some unknown white pills and Suboxone strips.

    He was charged with a few counts of possession, possession of paraphernalia, and a bunch of charges related to the hit-skip.

    I guess all of that pretty much translates to Driving While Stupid.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  2. #2
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    Oct 2013
    East Greenwich, RI
    I once worked a hit and run where the driver's side door was literally left at the scene. You know, the door with the VIN number on it. And a burglary where the idiot put on new clothes before leaving the store. He should have taken his drivers license out of his old jeans before leaving them on the floor.....

  3. #3
    Pragmatist Fuddite Sidheshooter's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    This thread has real potential.

  4. #4
    AIWB Cultist Lon's Avatar
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    Apr 2011
    Dayton, Ohio
    You'd be surprised how many crooks leave their IDs or wallets behind.
    Formerly known as xpd54.
    The opinions expressed in this post are my own and do not reflect the opinions or policies of my employer.

  5. #5
    The Revolver Enabler Stephanie B's Avatar
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    Mar 2014
    Northern Southeast Missouri
    On Dec. 11th, the same day as the hit-skip, the cops attempted to pull over a car with a "non-standard" license plate that read:"Moorish-American National Government Natural Person is Traveling not Driving". The car continued on for several blocks at 15 MPH. When he pulled over and exited the car on command, the cops smelled pot. The driver gave the cops a fake ID. Once the cops determined his real identity, they arrested him. No surprise, when they searched him, they found more than one baggie of pot.

    I would assume they impounded the car. The report didn't give the results of the inventory search.

    (My sister, the publisher of the paper, says that the police reports would make a handy "how not to commit crimes" tutorial.)
    Last edited by Stephanie B; 01-03-2017 at 06:40 AM.
    What the hell is an "aluminum falcon"?

  6. #6
    100% Retro Hambo's Avatar
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    Aug 2014
    In a dark alley with my P-F rape whistle
    My favorite was two guys who walked into a stop and rob, picked and paid for $20 worth of merchandise, then pulled a gun a robbed the joint. They got their $20 back and just a few bucks more. The moral of the story is to always consider statutory minimums versus the probable take prior to pulling your gun.
    You can never beat a monkey in a poo flinging contest.

  7. #7
    Site Supporter RoyGBiv's Avatar
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    Jan 2012
    Fort Worth, TX
    Quote Originally Posted by Hambo View Post
    My favorite was two guys who walked into a stop and rob, picked and paid for $20 worth of merchandise, then pulled a gun a robbed the joint. They got their $20 back and just a few bucks more. The moral of the story is to always consider statutory minimums versus the probable take prior to pulling your gun.
    Woulda been hilarious to find out that the extra $20 in the till kicked it up a category.
    "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." - Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776

  8. #8
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    May 2015
    Let's see,
    Trying to pass counterfeit travelers checks that say this is genuine in big letters.
    Driving a car registered in one state and license from another state. Usually lost their license for DUI
    Vehicle inspection expired more than six months ; often the traffic stop trifecta. Suspended license, registration, no insurance
    Counterfeit drivers license - leads to all kinds of interesting things
    Carrying a wad counterfeit cash- every counterfeit bill has the same serial number
    Committing an armed robbery- switching clothing. Going from a black hoodie to a different black. Turning their jackets inside out when it is very obvious the lining is outside
    Leaving their home state to commit crimes while on parole
    Going to their probation/ parole officer's office and dumping their guns in that convient bush by the front door under CCTV
    My favorite - turning a shoplifting charge into armed robbery by producing a gun/ knife while leaving

  9. #9
    Say "No" to a Nanny State blues's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    blue ridge mtns
    Bad cop not heeding his own counsel...

    Arrested a Miami-Dade detective who was involved in facilitating narcotics trafficking, (my case), as well as home invasions, strong arm and a variety of other unsavory acts which Miami-Dade's Internal Affairs detectives were interested in. As a courtesy I had M-D's OPR along on the case once I identified this target as well as on the subsequent arrest.

    We took him down went he was going home after his shift at oh-dark-thirty in the a.m. He was a pretty cool customer and didn't put up a struggle or act like he was either surprised or not.

    Gave him his Miranda warning once I got him in the room and he invoked as any smart cop would do under the circumstances. Told him that he should just shut up and listen to the evidence I had against him and began going down a list of things I intended to introduce against him at trial.

    As I was summing up, I said, "Look Joe, I know you're not at the top of the food chain in this organization..." And he puts a nail in his own coffin and says: "Nowhere near the top". My partner and I just looked at him and smiled and transported him to the lockup.

    A few months later we go to trial as he wasn't inclined to work out a plea arrangement. I was standing on a balcony outside the courtroom having a smoke, (as I did occasionally back then), when he walks out to stand beside me with a smirk on his face, lights up and says "You'll never convict me."

    I say, "Joe, I haven't lost a case I've brought to trial yet and I don't intend to begin with you."

    Trial goes on for however long it was...days, a week, I don't recall now. Anyway, jury comes back...done. His own words sealed his fate.

    Judge gave him 30 years at sentencing and that was only after I intervened on his behalf by saying that it was essentially a life sentence. She intended to give him more.
    Last edited by blues; 01-03-2017 at 12:14 PM.
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  10. #10
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    Feb 2014
    A guy tried to pass a fake prescription off at the pharmacy. The pharmacist called the doc, just to make sure he had not actually written a script for, "A pound of mofine."

    Had a guy try to rob a carry out with the old finger in the jacket pocket trick. The clerk wasn't buying it even before the dude's distal phalange poked out a hole in the pocket. The would be robber continued to insist he really had a gun in his pocket. Of course, he denied being armed after he was caught.

    I have seen several other robbers settling to room temperature on the floor of carry-outs they tried to rob with air soft or other fake guns. They should have done their homework and found out the clerk carried a real pistole.

    Watching a dope house one day and see a dude walking away after scoring. We keep an eye on him for a block or two when he spots us (must have been the lights on top of the wagon). To his credit, he does not panic, but keeps walking. Then he "bumps into" a working girl on her way to score going the opposite direction. Anyone who has worked for 10 minutes on the street knows that accidental personal contact never happens, so we stop to talk to the guy. While my partner talks to the dude, I walk to where the contact took place. Lying on the ground, wrapped in some paper, is about a twenty dollar rock.

    I go back to the guy and compliment him on his sleight of hand, as I did not actually see him drop the crack. He of course denies any such activity occurred, until I point out to him that the paper he dropped the rock in was a temp agency pay stub with his name and the current date on it. He then gave in.
    Polite Professional

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