Need advice

[voodoo_man]

Pm in bound...

[bladehack]

"irrational jealousy, binge drinking, esplosive anger, physical violence"

These things flash a warning sign to me to get all ammo and guns out of shared residence and in the hands of a trusted friend.

[Hambo]

If you're living together, you're not dating. You're co-habitating. If you were dating you just block her calls, give back her shit, and drive on.

If you're living together and she gets physically violent, that's called domestic violence. Better for you to call the law as the victim than to have her alcohol fueled brain decide to call on you even though you've done nothing. Yes, that would not be good for her career, but she's on the path to destruction anyway.

What to do. The first time she's gone for long enough to pack your shit and leave, do it. If that's this afternoon, so much the better. If she calls and threatens you, herself, or the world in general, call the law.

Here's a final bit. She may be the greatest person in the world when not drinking, but she has a drinking problem. Unless she wants to quit, she won't. Unless she does quit, this behavior will not change. Don't ever fool yourself into believing it will. Maybe a breakup will get her to help, or maybe she's the type who has to crash the plane before she realizes she needs it.

If you want to talk more about alcoholism, PM me.

[miller_man]

I'm just some random dude on the internet - so take this for what it's worth.

The way I see it - your really in a good situation - no kids, not married, no financial tangles, etc. Ya, it sucks emotionally and situationally - but those are pretty temporary things in all reality. At least you have been able to see this side and been exposed to how real/serious her issues are - before you got more intangled. Echoing others - get your stuff and get out. Don't hesitate, get wishy washy, or drag it out. Life is too short and there are too many fish in the sea - all that jazz.

Stay cool, calm and professional - you'll be looking back at this sooner than you think and be really glad.

Just my $0.000002

[RJ]

PM inbound.

[Jason M]

Hambo is right on the mark.

[YVK]

Time for a friendly and loving ultimatum, bud. She either agrees that both of you do couples counseling and further plan on alcohol counseling for her, or you move out. You mentioned protecting yourself; you realize that you may be required to report her as an impaired physician since both of you now have clinical responsibilities? Either all in with counseling/help; or if she wants none of that - all out.

[FNFAN]

I suggest you talk to an attorney immediately and protect yourself. If you do try to retrieve your belongings take local LE and a level headed friend with you as a witness. You're incredibly vulnerable to false accusations at this point.

[Chuck Haggard]

Be extremely careful at this point in being around her while alone. A false report of you being the DV aggressor is going to be a serious issue for you to deal with.


If you need to it's not uncommon for the cops to stand by when people have to go somewhere and get there shit out of what is now the partner's place. At least take friends, and a recording device.

[GardoneVT]

You almost have to treat modern breakups like undercover drug stings.

It's a very long story,but it proves the points stated above.

Same circumstances as OP; after a date where she talked about visiting the UN HQ as a highlight of her life ,I decided a tactical retreat was in order. I'd been out of practice in the dating game for years ,as being stationed at an isolated military base will do. So I dropped her with all the subtlety of a coin down a roadside toll basket.

Cupcake had other plans. After the breakup she calls another guy she'd been seeing on the side and fills his head with a fanciful story about me trying to corner and assault her . This guy naturally gets upset, decides he wants to kick her ex's behind.

When she drops my name he gets suspicious. Unbeknownst to her wed met on campus and shared a beer ,so he knew enough about my nature to suspect she was full of it. But he didn't know me well enough to decide I was automatically in the clear.

So he knocks on my door, and we sit down. He says he's having girl issues and needs my advice,but the look in his eyes motivates me to keep my right hand free just in case. He says it involves Bad Cupcake ,and it's serious.

Without further ado I get the fifth of Jim Beam Black Label I'd stashed against campus rules , and pour us some glasses. At which point I told him how my date went, and he told me how his went. Five hours ,some laughs and one empty bottle of good bourbon later both of us settled our differences for good.

We became the best of friends up to this day- yet it could have turned out very differently for all parties involved had cooler heads not prevailed.