It's crazy to me to go back and read my first post in this thread.
Actually, it's cringy.
I feel like I was explaining something to a group of folks who were already aware. It was a real revelation to me at the time, but more of a "no shit, sherlock" to most here. I guess my thoughts and views have developed a fair amount since then. All the same I wish this thread would die so I dont feel embarrassed knowing people will read that OP thinking that's where I'm at in my journey.