Uber Tales

[jeep45238]

I figured I'd start to chronical my more interesting Uber stories for your humor. I've only been doing this for about 2 months part time, so the pool of posibilites are limited now, but I"m sure they'll add up. In the mean time:



*I got most of it on me*



I work a college town (live here full time, going back to school at 32 on the GI Bill from active duty). We've simplified life and boiled a fleet of 3 down to 1 and some bicycles - works for us. This also means our only car is my Uber vehicle. It's a 13 Honda Fit, nothing special, but the newest car we've ever had. I've been doing it for about 2 months, took two weeks off for our wedding, and went back to it last night.

Last night I did a pick up from the local club, nothing out of the ordinary. I pick up the girl, her friend gives her a hug, and off we go to one of the dorms. We'll call our passenger snowflake - special snowflake. The ones that think they really are special in life, things are different for them, whatever.

Anywho, the towns small, as in 4 minute trips max across town. Surges don't happen often, every fare is just $3 to me, but the quick turnarounds make up for it. Business as usual, and we're making small talk about the nights haloween festivities as I'm dropping her off to her dorm, and mid-sentence hear that 'oh-$&@:' noise gurgitate from the rear seat.

Apparently she didn't grab the puke bag, and tried to play it off as just oranges, and most getting on her. Most of it on her. Yeah right.

Apparently what she meant to say is 'I aimed to get vomit on both back seats, door panels, floor mat, carpeting, under the trim at the floor, power window switch' and decides to wipe her puke covered hands on the seat next to her. Drop her off and get out, start taking pictures. Special snowflake decides to hang around and thinks it's funny that I'm snap chatting pictures. Calmly tell her that it's actually documentation of damages to get compensated for her actions, and that it'll cost her directly.

About this time I had a quick realization that there was a group of 7 that bid fairwell to our tutu wearing kiddo, and she probably wasn't the one that paid (though it was for her, confirmed and all). Took a picture of her and she tried to run away as I did so. Whatever.

The icing on the cake was her trying to talk me into deleting photos because her face might be in them. Not my problem- as it's public, no expectation of privacy, proof of damages, and my personal property either way. Special snowflake decides to take matters into her own hands and tries to climb BACK into the front passenger seat as I start to drive away. Yeah- opens the door before I hit the lock button just as I start moving and jogs along side to try and get in. &%$@!*ing snowflakes - worse than a drunken Army private trying to talk their way out of stupidity.

How dumb can one person be? I slowly accelerate with the door open and her trying to get in, and decide enoughs enough, punch the gas pedal (which awakens the fury of 4 gerbils under the hood), and the door shuts and she's standing there in a tutu holding a puke bag (empty) and I spend the next two hours disassembling the interior and cleaning out her stomach contents.

Most of it landed on her is what she claimed several times.

I do not think she knew what those words mean.

On the flip side, she didn't have a single puke stain on her, so at least she's an accomplished veteran at that.

Good job freshman (or sophomore, or whatever). Special snowflake.

[Luke]

That sucks dude.

[jeep45238]

They paid $150 for me to clean it, so about $75 an hour, so meh. Thankfully I was close to home and detailed cars in the past to pay bills, so it went quick.

[hufnagel]

sounds like an investment in a jeep wrangler with rubber floors and the drain plugs is a good choice for college town uber work. pull plugs, hose everything off, let drain.

[jeep45238]

At first glance, but the mileage would kill it (same with getting a car payment). With the $.54 tax deduction per mile, mpg is important, as is keeping overall expenses down.

But I do miss my old YJ.

[voodoo_man]

Two stories that never made the news...first one I made the stop/investigation and the second one was told by one of my coworkers who moonlights as an uber driver.

I am driving around "routine" patrol and see a black ford focus (newish) make an illegal turn right on red "no turn right on red" sign posted. I follow him and observe him disregard a posted stop sign. I then see him "beat" / disregard another red signal by just going right through it. I run the plate and stop the vehicle. I instantly smell the odor of burnt marijuana coming inside the car. It is strong. No occupants. "Hey man, it's cool, I'm an uber driver!" As he hands me his license and registration, no insurance. I end up getting him out of the vehicle after seeing a few more clues and conduct an SFST. He has most clues manifesting, and all HGN especially VGN which isn't normal with just marijuana use. I ask him to open his mouth to look at his gums (green tint/film is an indicator) and he's got it hardcore. He got arrested and after him consenting to a vehicle search I find a few bags of marijuana (just under 2oz) and a "syrup" mix in his YETI tumbler. He tried to give me all sorts of excuses ranging from his last fare was smoking weed and offered to him and he took one drag (I did not inhale...). His uber app was running he was on hour 2 of his shift (I scrolled through his history after asking for consent to do so). Good license though, was arrested twice before for......you guessed it - narcotics.

Coworker ends his shift, changes and gets in his new Chevy and starts his second job as an uber driver, he does an hour or two after each shift when he can't pick up OT at work - everyone told him to stop and not to do it, but he got permission from the department so....anyway, he's driving around and he gets a fare of this really attractive blonde. He's a single guy so why not, right? He goes to pick her up and, of course, she's with two complete hipster fucks that wasn't indicated on the uber app - apparently that's not cool but acceptable? I don't know anything about that stuff. So he picks them up and the trip was about twenty minutes through some shitty areas. The one hipster dude who appeared to be the girls boyfriend was being a total douche, talking about hillary winning and how all these racist cops are going to be put in jail, and how it is perfectly acceptable for the urban black community to defend themselves against white racist police oppression. My buddy was getting his pissed on when he heard the dude go "hey buddy, mind pulling over on that corner right there for a minute? I gata go get something from the store." So he pulled over, being the nice guy he is, and the guy ran in and came out not thirty seconds later. About three minutes into the ride the guy starts talking about how the "dealer" at the store charged him more than usual for the "E Pills" and that they "better be better than usual." Then the guy offers my buddy a pill. "Hey uber dude, you take E?" He's like "E? What's that?" "You know man, common, Ecstasy! MDMA, this stuff is awesome! $25 a pill, I got like 5 for you and your friends! $120 if you buy them all." My buddy was like, "wow only $120? That's a hell of a deal! Let me pull over here..." Which just happens to be right in front of a police station he knew about. He asked to see the pills, the hipster douche shows him 5 "!" stamped pills. My buddy was like, "mind steppin out?" They both get out and my buddy badges him right before he puts handcuffs on him. Guess he ended up working that OT anyway....

[TGS]

They both get out and my buddy badges him right before he puts handcuffs on him. Guess he ended up working that OT anyway....

Sounds like putting officers on Uber shifts is the logical evolution of plainclothes ops meets turn-key social media investigations.

[NEPAKevin]

sounds like an investment in a jeep wrangler with rubber floors and the drain plugs is a good choice for college town uber work. pull plugs, hose everything off, let drain.

I knew a guy who chose his pickup, forget if it was a Ranger of an F150, with the drain plugs so after a weekend of frivolity he could pull into the drive through car wash, empty the garbage out of the cab and bed, hose down the cab and bed and it was more or less like the weekend never happened. Also had a sliding glass rear window with a cooler mounted in the bed where he could reach through for refreshments

My buddy was like, "mind steppin out?" They both get out and my buddy badges him right before he puts handcuffs on him. Guess he ended up working that OT anyway....

Sounds like one of those "Priceless" memes.

Uber cab fee: $$$ Five pills of E: $$$ Arresting two deuchbags in your free time: Priceless

[voodoo_man]

Sounds like putting officers on Uber shifts is the logical evolution of plainclothes ops meets turn-key social media investigations.

I mean, yeah, but no. The girl ended up complaining to uber that he was a cop and they "fired" him. He appealed and through a process he got his "status" changed and was able to continue. Now he drives for both uber and lyft, he switches depending on who is paying more that night. He got a little bit of flack from the brass, but at the end of the day, he is working an outside job which was approved through all the proper paperwork and he saw a felony arrest-able violation (possession, with intent to deliver/sale) and made the arrest in front of a police station. They sort of had no leg to stand on for coming down on him.

[hufnagel]

problem is, said douchebag hipster will still vote.