Page 99 of 107 FirstFirst ... 4989979899100101 ... LastLast
Results 981 to 990 of 1069

Thread: Jokes. The good the bad and the ugly.

  1. #981
    Site Supporter Totem Polar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    PacNW
    A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

    "Do you think the shoes will still be at the shop?" the man asked.

    "Not very likely," his wife said.

    "It's worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped in the car and drove to the shoe shop. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."

    He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

    "No kidding," the customer called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time?"

    The man came back to the counter, empty handed. "They'll be ready on Thursday," he said calmly.
    ”But in the end all of these ideas just manufacture new criminals when the problem isn't a lack of criminals.” -JRB

  2. #982

  3. #983
    Gucci gear, Walmart skill Darth_Uno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    STL
    I started a band called the Megabytes.

    We still haven't gotten a gig.

  4. #984
    Site Supporter
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Texarkana, Texas
    Name:  Funeral.jpg
Views: 617
Size:  37.8 KB

  5. #985
    Quote Originally Posted by Totem Polar View Post

    What is six inches long, two inches wide, and gets everyone excited?

    A $100 bill.


    What's got 40 teeth and holds back a monster?

    My zipper

  6. #986
    Member That Guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    overseas
    More of a random quote from the Internet, but I guess this is the best place for it:

    "Rage Against the Machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with but I reckon it was probably a printer."

  7. #987
    Gucci gear, Walmart skill Darth_Uno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    STL
    Just broke up with my girlfriend for being Communist. I can’t believe I missed all the red flags.

  8. #988
    Site Supporter
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Erie County, NY
    Was she a party girl?
    Cloud Yeller of the Boomer Age

  9. #989
    Site Supporter gringop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Central Texas
    Quote Originally Posted by Darth_Uno View Post
    Just broke up with my girlfriend for being Communist. I can’t believe I missed all the red flags.
    You was just stallin'.

    Gringop
    Play that song about the Irish chiropodist. Irish chiropodist? "My Fate Is In Your Hands."

  10. #990
    Wood burnin' Curmudgeon CSW's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    I can pee outside.
    Quote Originally Posted by Glenn E. Meyer View Post
    Was she a party girl?
    You might have hit it right on the Marx.
    "... And miles to go before I sleep".

User Tag List

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •