FIFYOriginally Posted by CSW
Да!
FIFYДа!
If we have to march off into the next world, let us walk there on the bodies of our enemies.
A man walked into a bar in New Orleans: I’ll have a corona and two hurricanes.
Bartender: That’ll be $20.20.
If we have to march off into the next world, let us walk there on the bodies of our enemies.
You have to read this in the voice of Mel Brooks.
Back in the frontier days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food.
No other humans had been seen for days, when finally they saw an "Old Jewish Man" sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?
"Vell," the old Jew said, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else, they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge.
"So why did he say not to go there?" some of the pioneers asked.
"Oh, you know those Jews -- they don't eat bacon."
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who barely manages to escape back to the old Jew, who's enjoying a "glassel tea."
The near-dead man starts shouting, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree! There was hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone."
The old Jew holds up his hand and says "Oy, vait a minute." He then gets out an old English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing through it. "Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree.
It vuz a ham bush!"
Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for that dumb bastard.
Oy vey.
There's nothing civil about this war.
Mashugana!
Shoulda had a schmear...
"... And miles to go before I sleep".
Groan!!!!
But I know exactly who I'm going to forward it to.
If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat, please don't open it.
It's spam.
Is the boy you were proud of the man you are?
Fimbo iliyo mkononi, ndio iuwayo nyoka!
Every morning, the director of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine stall is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes an excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The Director asks in turn arrogantly: "Why are you so interested in that?"
"I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
"What's your name?" asks the Director. ……"John Smith," is the reply.
The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department: "Do we have a client named John Smith?"
"We certainly do, he has a million dollars in his account."
The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says:
"Mr. Smith, I'd like you to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you."
At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members:
"We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account.
I invited him to tell us the story of his life."
Mr. Smith began his story:
"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted.
"I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for fifty cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.
"I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele."
"I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy a chair so that my clients could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny.
"A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. And then, three months ago my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, died and she left me a million dollars.
Sent from my SM-A505U using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote