Werner Heisenberg goes the IPSC match. He cannot even hit the target at times. He turns to a fellow physicist competitor and says he doesn't know what is going wrong. The other fellow asks if he chronographed his rounds' velocities. Heisenberg says: AHA!
A woman was home, alone, on a Saturday, when the mailman came by with a package. She invited him in for a cup of coffee and a brownie, and then took him upstairs and screwed his brains out.
When they were finished, she handed him five dollars. “What’s this for,“ the mailman asked.
“When I asked my husband what to give you for Christmas, he said: ‘Fuck him, give him five dollars.’ The coffee and brownie were my idea.”
If we have to march off into the next world, let us walk there on the bodies of our enemies.
A man goes to a doctor and he says “I’m having a terrible time with flatulence, I fart 40 or 50 times an hour. The farts are silent so no one knows I’m doing it, but they smell really bad. It happens so often, it’s even happened four or five times since I got here. What should we do? “The doctor replied, “ The first thing we’re going to do is get your hearing tested.”
If we have to march off into the next world, let us walk there on the bodies of our enemies.
True story: at my very first pistol class, one of the fellow students was a bit...gassy. After the first day I made a joking comment about farting on the firing line. His eyes popped open and he said, “You heard that?” Apparently he wasn’t familiar with electronic earpro.
Did you know the word "homeowner" has the word "meow" in it?
Good luck pronouncing it correctly ever again!
(From Paul Sharp's Instagram.)
Is the boy you were proud of the man you are?
Fimbo iliyo mkononi, ndio iuwayo nyoka!
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." - Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776
Not a joke perse, but I couldn't think of a better place to post, AND it's seems like something you sic ..... uh I mean clever guys would enjoy.
I sat three boxes of chocolate covered strawberries, a Pepperidge Farm coconut cake, and a valentines day card on the counter. The lady checking me out began to ring up my items, then winked at me and said," Somebody must have been a very good girl."
I winked back and said, "Or a very naughty one."
My patient screamed in pain during labor so I asked "What's wrong?" She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry" I replied. "What is wrong?"
What's the difference between Joe Biden, Jesus Christ and herpes?
Joe Biden ain't coming back........
There is a floor in one of our office buildings where most of the crazy women have been located. You know you’re there because of the warning signs on the doors declaring the floor to be a “fragrance free zone”
I like to read that sign as an invitation to crop dust the entire floor as often as possible. Others do as well.
Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for that dumb bastard.
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