An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Hey, it could happen!
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Hey, it could happen!
TANSTAAFL
Managing Partner, Custom Carry Concepts, LLC
Last night's poker game broke up when the leper threw in his hand. And his arm...
We wish to thank the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement, without whose assistance this program would not have been possible.
How about getting a job circumcising elephants? The pay isn't very good, but the tips are big.
Career Day
It's career day in elementary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Seattle Mariners.'
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." - Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776
United Air Lines:
If we can't beat our competition, we'll beat our customers.
United Airlines:
We put the 'hospital' in Hospitality.
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A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated:
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
That's freaking hilariousOriginally Posted by Paul D
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State Government Attorney | Beretta, Glock, CZ & S&W Fan
A hamburger and hotdog walk into a bar and the bartender says “we don’t serve food here”.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey,it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Go ahead and make an offer of $900,000 They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
We wish to thank the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement, without whose assistance this program would not have been possible.
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