Page 66 of 67 FirstFirst ... 165664656667 LastLast
Results 651 to 660 of 669

Thread: Jokes. The good the bad and the ugly.

  1. #651
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    CT (behind Enemy lines)
    Quote Originally Posted by 5pins View Post
    A man who has always wanted to see the Super Bowl buys a ticket months in advance for $2000. He later realized that his wedding is on the same day. Not wanting to waste the tickets he post on Facebook. "I have tickets to the Super Bowl but my wedding is on the same day. I don't want to waste them so if someone would like to take my place just show up at the Baptist church on 14th street at 11 am".
    Can I arrive early and inspect the merchandise? An exhibition game might be in order.

  2. #652
    Foppish Dandy Darth_Uno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    STL
    Quote Originally Posted by Unisaw View Post
    What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine.
    What's the difference between a BMW and an elephant? An elephant has the trunk in front and asshole in back.

  3. #653
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Cincinnati Ohio
    Quote Originally Posted by blues View Post
    Sicilians bury the witnesses.
    I was married to a Sicilian. I don't think there is enough of the witness left to bury.
    Dean,
    “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine
    Free people are not equal. Equal people are not free
    “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except bears. Bears will kill you.” - My Wife

  4. #654
    keep back 200 feet blues's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    blue ridge mtns
    Quote Originally Posted by baddean View Post
    I was married to a Sicilian. I don't think there is enough of the witness left to bury.
    I'm still married to one. What's left of me.
    "Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing." - John Stuart Mill, 1867

  5. #655
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Cincinnati Ohio
    Quote Originally Posted by blues View Post
    I'm still married to one. What's left of me.
    I think you're safe as long as you don't witness anything.
    Dean,
    “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” - Thomas Paine
    Free people are not equal. Equal people are not free
    “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except bears. Bears will kill you.” - My Wife

  6. #656
    Once, I was asked if I was a Jehova's witness. I said, how could I be? I never even saw the accident.
    Robot 1: "I understand now. Humans died out from environmental disaster."
    Robot 2: "Yeah, pretty much. And also because at one point, they genetically engineered their cats to give them opposable thumbs."
    -Love Death + Robots

  7. #657
    Foppish Dandy Darth_Uno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    STL
    I just finished a book on Stockholm Syndrome. It started off pretty bad, but by the end I liked it.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  8. #658
    Site Supporter RoyGBiv's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Fort Worth, TX
    What makes Hillary Clinton invulnerable to the Caronavirus?

    She drinks BleachBits.
    "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." - Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776

  9. #659
    Value Instiller RJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Tampa FL
    Two blondes walk into a bar looking very pleased with themselves, whooping and giving high fives.
    The bartender asks:
    "What are you celebrating?"
    "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle, in 3 days!"
    "Yeah, the box said 2-4 Years!"
    Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught. J. C. Watts
    USPSA#A92555

  10. #660
    Irony Connoisseur Sidheshooter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    PacNW
    Every country will eventually get the corona virus.

    But china got it right off the bat.
    "Sometimes there is fuckery afoot."
    -Chuck Haggard

User Tag List

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •