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Thread: Jokes. The good the bad and the ugly.

  1. #811
    banana republican blues's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy in NH View Post
    Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch...

    Yeti never complains.
    That joke is abominable.
    There's nothing civil about this war.

    Read: Harrison Bergeron

  2. #812
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    the Deep South
    I just heard this one yesterday. I apologize if someone has already posted it upthread.

    A photon checked into a hotel, and the bellhop asked if he could take the photon's luggage to his room. "No thanks. I'm traveling light," replied the photon.

  3. #813
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    Sorry mods if this is the wrong thread. Please move to medical thread if you need to.
    So, I fixed a dinner of baked Ziti and green beans. As usual, I fried some bacon and mixed it and some of the grease with the green beans. I made enough for us to have a couple of left over meals.
    The next day the wife and I are talking about warming up food. When we got to the green beans, suddenly she started mumbling gibberish. I could make any sense of the sounds she was making. I wondered if she'd switched to a foreign language. A few seconds later, she was again speaking english.
    The episode seemed to be over. I was afraid it might have been a stroke. But I've also heard of people tapping into ancient languages. So, I though I'd try to post the sounds she made in case anybody here might recognize them. As best as I can reproduce them in print:

    "Tu Muttch bay kun."

    Completely intelligible to me. I just couldn't grasp what concept she was attempting to convey. Anybody else got any ideas?

  4. #814
    Site Supporter JohnO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigguy View Post

    "Tu Muttch bay kun."

    Completely intelligible to me. I just couldn't grasp what concept she was attempting to convey. Anybody else got any ideas?
    Improper BIOS settings. You need to update the BIOS and reload the OS!

  5. #815
    Quote Originally Posted by Bigguy View Post
    "Tu Muttch bay kun."

    Completely intelligible to me. I just couldn't grasp what concept she was attempting to convey. Anybody else got any ideas?
    Yes. She said "Next time, hold the green beans"
    We wish to thank the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement, without whose assistance this program would not have been possible.

  6. #816
    The R in F.A.R.T RevolverRob's Avatar
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    From the IG Ministry of Dad Jokes:

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  7. #817
    @GJM

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”
    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzle bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices- either I maul your to death or we have rough sex.”
    Again, Bob thought it was better to co-operate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder, He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it, Bob, you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?”
    I'll wager you a PF dollar™ 😎
    The lunatics are running the asylum

  8. #818
    Quote Originally Posted by UNK View Post
    @GJM

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”
    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzle bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices- either I maul your to death or we have rough sex.”
    Again, Bob thought it was better to co-operate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder, He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it, Bob, you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?”
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  9. #819
    Member Greg's Avatar
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    Please don’t mention Bigfoot erotica in this thread. It will never recover.
    Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for that dumb bastard.

  10. #820
    banana republican blues's Avatar
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    "You know what they say...big feet, big..."




    "Why do you think I always turn sideways when someone takes a picture?"
    There's nothing civil about this war.

    Read: Harrison Bergeron

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