What did socialists use for light before candles?
Electricity
What did socialists use for light before candles?
Electricity
A girl wakes up her boyfriend and says "I just had the strangest dream! You gave me an engagement ring and proposed to me! What do you think that means?" He winks and says "I guess you'll find out tonight."
She spends the rest of the day in giddy anticipation and calling all of her friends to be ready for a big announcement.
That night he takes her to a fancy restaurant and after the meal hands her a bag with a small box inside. Excitedly she tears it open to find a book entitled How to Interpret Dreams
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits - Mark Twain
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy / Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Procrastination is much easier to do than say.
Just saying...
Is the boy you were proud of the man you are?
Fimbo iliyo mkononi, ndio iuwayo nyoka!
The guy who invented the umbrella had planned to call it the brella. But he hesitated.
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I've got a buddy who's getting rich taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. He say's it's like shooting fish in apparel.
Q: Why do men make great used-car salesmen?
A: They're experienced at lying about their equipment.
If we have to march off into the next world, let us walk there on the bodies of our enemies.
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. Do you understand?!!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs: “Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”
"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." - Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776
I was named after my dad.
I couldn't have been named before him.
What does a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.
I don't know why people dislike vegetarians.
I've never had a beef with one.
I tried to change my car's oil and accidentally cut the brake cable.
It went downhill fast after that.