Hi! If you drive a car and may consider traveling on any of the roads on which I have driven, currently drive, or may consider driving, please note the following:
The left lane on the highway or interstate is a passing lane. It is not a cruising lane. It is not a place for you to passive-aggressively “get back” at the segment of the driving population who may want to drive faster than you do. It’s not an appropriate place to clog up traffic behind you while you apply makeup, eat your lunch, read a newspaper or text your friends. In order to better communicate the purpose of the left line in this circumstance, I propose the following rules that you should immediately adopt.
- If you are a person who believes that the left lane is your personal cruising lane and that you should drive in it at speeds that are slower than those who may approach behind you – and you catch yourself doing so – you should immediately pull off of the road to the shoulder on the right when it is safe to do so. You should then turn off the ignition and sit idle for five minutes. While you are doing so, you should contemplate what you did wrong in order to learn from your mistakes.
- If you are a person who believes that the left lane is your personal cruising lane and you notice a car behind you, you should immediately yield the right-of-way to that driver at the first opportunity to safely do so. If you do not, you should immediately pull off of the road to the shoulder on the right when it is safe to do so. You should then turn off the ignition, saturate your underwear in Veet for Men and sit idle for five minutes. While you are sitting there in a measureable amount of pain and discomfort, you should contemplate what you did wrong in order to learn from your mistakes.
- If you are a person who believes that the left lane is your personal cruising lane and you notice a car behind you yet you refuse to ever yield the right-of-way, forcing the driver to pass you on the right, you should immediately pull off of the road to the shoulder on the right when it is safe to do so. You should then turn off the ignition, saturate your underwear in Veet for Men, exit the car and practice falling down on the pavement for five minutes. While you are doing so, you should contemplate what you did wrong in order to learn from your mistakes.
- If you are a person who believes that the left lane is your personal cruising lane and you intentionally speed up when another driver attempts to pass you on the right after refusing to yield the right-of-way, you should be shot. It doesn’t matter what happens after that as long as your car doesn’t injure anyone else.
Thank you and that is all. Have a nice day. Go Blues.