what's the most unusal thing youve ever cut

[Hambo]

A friend...actually two friends. What can I say? Hold still when I've got a blade in my hand.

[Wondering Beard]

My own foot, in order to remove nearly invisible tiny shards of broken glass. Used the tip to find them, and the edge to create a bigger opening to squeeze the shards out.

[Maple Syrup Actual]

One thing I forgot to mention was that I cut my own head open once about ten years ago to dig out a bone chip that was under my scalp and had gotten wrapped up in this ball of scar tissue (which apparently is also something that runs in my family...I know nothing about how this works but there's a history of people getting foreign bodies lodged in them and sealed off, and then discovered later when they appear as benign tumors. I can't really give any more details because that's all I know but when it happened to me, my grandmother had a long list of people on her side of the family with the same story).

Anyway, I had this chip knocked off my skull years ago and it floated around a bit and then stopped and then scarred up internally or something, and I got sick of having a lumpy head so one day I just took a hand mirror, a razor blade, and some needle-nosed pliers into the bathroom and hacked it out. I took a couple of pictures because it was the early days of digital photography but I don't know where they'd be any more.

It pretty much worked although the bathroom looked like a slaughterhouse, and eventually the other couple of smaller fragments did the same thing, and by that time I'd stopped shaving my head so I went to an actual doctor, and they insisted on referring me to a surgeon, who wanted to sedate me to cut the rest of them out in a full-on surgical theatre.

I agreed to the surgery but drove myself to the hospital and thus successfully argued for no sedation, and had it done under a local. Ridiculous. Could have been done in a damn bathroom with a pair of pliers. Tied up an OR for two hours while they fucked around, and then midway through the surgery one of the nurses got friendly and started asking me questions about what I do, which I dodged for a while but ultimately admitted I was in the gun game, which really seemed to anger the old surgeon, who I think suddenly associated me with western militarism. He was about seventy and arabic, and I think he just had this a-ha moment in which a big, youngish, heavily tattooed white guy with good posture and a high comfort level with blood and surgery, was tied to the arms industry, and man, he did not like it.

So there's this huge difference between the first set of incisions and stitches and the last set, which were just a fucking mess. When my wife took the second set of stitches out ten days later (which IMO should be tons for a scalp thing) it totally fell apart and bled all over the place.

So the moral of that story is no matter how friendly the nurse is, if you have an old arab guy for a surgeon, don't get halfway through and then suddenly remind him of all the guys who probably shot the fuck out of people he wasn't necessarily a fan of...but when you shake that fence, it might turn out he was leaning a lot further to the other side than he let on.

Anyway it took about three months to heal that damn set of cuts, and the one I did myself was fine after a few weeks. As was the one he did before I got on his bad side. So basically, I can do a pretty good job of surgery compared to a pissed-off professional.

[ReverendMeat]

A couple former coworkers who liked invading my personal space.

[That Guy]

One thing I forgot to mention

Damn, dude... That there was a proper story!

[BobLoblaw]

the cheese..bu-dum-tss!

Groan all you want. That fruit needed picking.

[Rex G]

Well, not an unusual thing, but an unusual circumstance, and the only time I recall I ever had a pistol in one hand, and a blade in the other, while ready for a fight, was when we were approaching a stolen van, with the rear, outward-opening doors, held closed by a bungee cord. (The only safe direction to approach was from the rear of the van.) I carried a Tarani Masters Model Karambit folder at that time, and held it in the extended position, to cut the bungee cord on the pull stroke, while stepping back to create distance. My left blade hand then moved to support my grip on my P229. The van was found to be unoccupied, so there was no fight.

I do not remember whether I retracted the Karambit, into the standard grip, immediately after the cut, or kept it in the extended grip until the scene was known to be under control.

[Corey]

A Saguaro cactus. I know, they are a protected plant, but this was for a desert survival class that had authorization to cut one down. They even marked the specific one we were allowed to cut open. There was about 15 people in the class with a wide variety of fixed blade and folding knives. We learned that it doesn't matter what kind of knife you use, cutting open a saguaro is hard work. We also learned the easy way to do it, forget the knife and use a survival saw.

[Paul Sharp]

...Anyway it took about three months to heal that damn set of cuts, and the one I did myself was fine after a few weeks. As was the one he did before I got on his bad side. So basically, I can do a pretty good job of surgery compared to a pissed-off professional.

I'd have been sitting on the hood of that dudes car the next morning, waiting for him to come out and play.

[Maple Syrup Actual]

And I love you for that. I basically just looked into what kind of skidoo he owned and whether he needed free gas for it, then offered him free health care and a passport.

I just put a cider back and I'm frustrated because I worked on my boat all week and just took it for a test run and hit something with my prop which now needs welding so this is a level of honesty I don't generally express online but I WISH I was more like that. I would feel a lot better about myself if I could truthfully say that I waited for him and cracked him in the mouth. But instead I walked away and frankly if I think about that I regret it.

Your approach is better and I wish I was more like that. I'm not sure if this is coming off sarcastic but I'm being serious.

Keep on being a T-rex, you're one of the guys I take my inspiration from.

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