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Thread: I hate Turkey rant

  1. #1
    Wag more, Bark less RJ's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
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    I hate Turkey rant

    I hate Turkey.

    There, I said it.

    As a little boy, we always ate Turkey in November. Later in life, it was always there for the holidays, like some kind of winged specter.

    I don't like the taste of Turkey. It's so bad, you have to disguise it with mountains of mashed potato, ladles of gravy, and gobs of cranberry relish.

    Turkey leftovers stay in the fridge for days, like an unwelcome Uncle. In my life, I've had to eat Turkey sandwiches, Turkey Soup, Warmed up Turkey. For days. And days.

    It takes forever to cook a turkey. Frozen, they take a minimum of two days on the drainboard. Space that could be better used, like, say, to make a plate of chips and salsa. They bake for hours and hours. The house heats up. The smell of Turkey lingers, much like that Uncle.

    I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

    Tomorrow we're going for Chinese Take Out.

    Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
    J. C. Watts

  2. #2
    Member orionz06's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
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    Turkey is garbage. The number of people who eat it because of some bullshit tradition is nuts. It's a shame to see all the effort made for family to get together and eat a garbage bird. I did a half assed comment poll on Facebook and very few people actually chimed in saying they liked turkey and many of those folks had the caveat that it's an easy meal to fuck up. Deep fried it is pretty decent but nowhere near a well prepared chicken or cornish game hens. My preference is ham. What I found my wife, myself, and two other participants on our meal doing was just eating the plethora of sides. Mother in law does a damned good job of making noodles and then cooking them in turkey broth.
    Think for yourself. Question authority.

  3. #3
    Site Supporter Clobbersaurus's Avatar
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    While I don't share the turkey hate above, I will admit that cooking a Turkey is a pain in the ass. I do love turkey sandwiches though.

    This year at Christmas I am cooking a prime rib. An unabashed stuffing lover, I can't do Christmas without stuffing so I am going to make it as a side dish with fried farmers sausage added.....

  4. #4
    Member Luke's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
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    Alabama
    I hate turkey. Every once in a while I'll get a good fried turkey, but 95% of the time I hate it.

  5. #5
    Member orionz06's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clobbersauras View Post
    I do love turkey sandwiches though


    I was gonna say this but I only like them with really good, fresh bread and smothered in gravy. Turns out bread smothered in gravy is what I like, the turkey just keeps me looking a little more civilized.
    Think for yourself. Question authority.

  6. #6
    IS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE BehindBlueI's's Avatar
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    My wife brines the turkey before baking, and it's awesome.

    Because this is a gun forum I will now heckle you with "it's the Indian, not the arrow."

  7. #7
    Site Supporter BaiHu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BehindBlueI's View Post
    My wife brines the turkey before baking, and it's awesome.

    Because this is a gun forum I will now heckle you with "it's the Indian, not the arrow."
    Bingo! I had a g/f a decade back that hated turkey until I made it--eureka moment. Her mother couldn't cook a turkey, but she could rock some Filipino food....Indian, not arrow.
    Fairness leads to extinction much faster than harsh parameters.

  8. #8
    THE THIRST MUTILATOR Nephrology's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BehindBlueI's View Post
    My wife brines the turkey before baking, and it's awesome.

    Because this is a gun forum I will now heckle you with "it's the Indian, not the arrow."
    This is 100% true.

    I used to hate Turkey (and indeed I hate almost all turkey unless it is ground or sliced for deli meat), but then I had thanksgiving with some good friends out in Oregon who properly brined it before baking. It was the best bird I've ever had, bar none. Indian and not the arrow indeed.

  9. #9
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    http://www.theatlantic.com/science/a...turkey/417648/
    http://www.theatlantic.com/notes/201...e-wild/417852/
    http://www.theatlantic.com/internati...giving/417849/

    Fear the turkey. Our turkey dinner was great as the turkey was smothered in delicious mushroom gravy. And I love chestnut stuffing.

  10. #10
    IS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE BehindBlueI's's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nephrology View Post
    This is 100% true.

    I used to hate Turkey (and indeed I hate almost all turkey unless it is ground or sliced for deli meat), but then I had thanksgiving with some good friends out in Oregon who properly brined it before baking. It was the best bird I've ever had, bar none. Indian and not the arrow indeed.
    Brined and then smoked is turkey perfection. You'd punch a baby for another slice.

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