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Thread: Roll call stories.

  1. #121
    Quote Originally Posted by jlw View Post
    Snockered he was.
    JLW, have I mentioned today how awesome you are? Still waiting on that book to come out. And it better be full of words like "snockered."
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  2. #122
    LE Forum Moderator BehindBlueI's's Avatar
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    Mar 2015
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    Midwest
    I got a street robbery assigned to me and just reading the narrative it was readily apparent that there were some things missing. I didn't know what happened, but I knew it wasn't want the complainant told the reporting officer happened. The condensed version is "W/F is walking in an alley at 1am counting her money, gets jumped by unknown B/M, has her Crown Royal bag (being used as purse) and cash stolen. Minor injury to complainant."

    I called the complainant and the first thing she does is start complaining about the uniformed guys, that they "didn't even look for the guy..." which is a clue in and of itself that they also realized it was BS. I give her the standard "I'm not their boss, talk to a district sgt if you want to complain, but what's done is done so let's move forward and try to solve your case." She recites her story. Emphasis on "story".

    Her story is she leaves a friends house and is walking to a gas station, which apparently involves walking through an alley behind Section 8 housing, and decides to count her money on the way. She has about $200. I'm guessing if you're going to buy a lighter and want to see if you have enough you stop counting at $1 or $2, but what do I know? Random B/M sees her counting her cash, comes up behind her, proceeds to whip her ass and steal her stuff, then flees. She denies knowing anything about who he is and says "you're not going to investigate it anyway!" I assure her I'm investigating it and the first step is to get the details from her. We go back and forth a bit and she says "if I take revenge on him, you'll lock me up but you won't lock him up!" That's a pretty clear admission she knows the guy, but she immediately recants and says she was speaking in general. I start walking her through her story again, she realizes I'm not buying her BS, and she tells me again I'm not going to investigate it anyway, tells me to have a nice day, and hangs up.

    I'm figuring every cop here read this and already figured it out. For the others reading this, her dope man or her pimp beat her up and took her haul for the night. I'm guessing dope man on this one, no way she's pull in $200 in a night hooking. You'd be shocked how many people get robbed by the dope man, in the heat of the moment call 911, and then realize saying "I came to buy dope and got rolled" is not the sort of thing they want to tell the cops, so they come up with some odd ball occurrence to explain the situation.

    Case Inactive/uncleared - uncooperative victim.

  3. #123
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiffany Johnson View Post
    JLW, have I mentioned today how awesome you are? Still waiting on that book to come out. And it better be full of words like "snockered."
    Ha!

    Here's another one with the same guy.

    There is a subdivision that spans the county line into the neighboring county. On one of the roads within the subdivision there is a bridge over the creek that forms that county line. The bridge deteriorated. Neither county would repair the bridge claiming that it wasn't their problem with both counties telling the residents it was up to them to repair it. When this didn't happen, the bridge was blocked on both ends and closed to traffic.

    This guy was convinced it was a conspiracy, and he kept coming by the SO to demand that I bring in the FBI to investigate the conspiracy to deprive the residents of the bridge. He further specified that the FBI agents had to come in the black Tahoes. There was no need for them to get hotel rooms though because they were welcome to stay at his house.

    No matter how many times I told the guy the above wasn't going to happen, he was fixated on it. He eventually made so many 911 calls about it that I arrested him for misuse of 911. Dispatch transfered his last call to me. I told him to wait at the bridge for a deputy. He was still there when the deputy arrived.

    The sad thing is that the guy is actually genius level smart, but that can't overcome alcohol and crazy.

    Now I know he is showing up soon...
    I had an ER nurse in a class. I noticed she kept taking all head shots. Her response when asked why, "'I've seen too many people who have been shot in the chest putting up a fight in the ER." Point taken.

  4. #124
    Quote Originally Posted by jlw View Post
    Now I know he is showing up soon...
    Great!!! More amusing stories for my reading pleasure.
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  5. #125
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    CT
    Quote Originally Posted by jlw View Post
    Now I know he is showing up soon...
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiffany Johnson View Post
    Great!!! More amusing stories for my reading pleasure.
    Better still, video.

  6. #126
    Site Supporter Malamute's Avatar
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    Oct 2013
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    Northern Rockies
    Quote Originally Posted by jlw View Post
    The sad thing is that the guy is actually genius level smart, but that can't overcome alcohol and crazy.

    Now I know he is showing up soon...
    Wait, is he related to the guy that called about the dog in the car deal, then wanted warrants sworn out because of air pollution added to the water supply?

  7. #127
    Quote Originally Posted by Malamute View Post
    Wait, is he related to the guy that called about the dog in the car deal, then wanted warrants sworn out because of air pollution added to the water supply?

    Nope.
    I had an ER nurse in a class. I noticed she kept taking all head shots. Her response when asked why, "'I've seen too many people who have been shot in the chest putting up a fight in the ER." Point taken.

  8. #128
    Back in my FTO days, I had a new trainee fresh out of the academy on his first day in uniform and in a patrol car. He asks the most rookie of questions, "How often do we pull our guns?"

    I give the whole spiel, "Look, it's not like you see on TV. We don't roll from gunfight to gunfight and have high speed chases all day", etc, etc, etc. No sooner do I get done with this do we get dispatched to a call of a guy beating on a dorm room door and screaming. This dorm is one left turn from where we were. Dispatch and arrival time were the same. As I am making my way up the stairs, further info comes over the radio that he says he has a gun and is going to hurt himself if they don't open the door. I hit the landing and see the guy through a window of the hallway door.

    I pop the door, gun drawn, giving the guy "Get on the ground!!". He hits the floor immediately. I get him cuffed and realize at that point that the guy crapped himself when he saw my muzzle.

    I glance over at the rookie, and he has this look on his face that says, "Every word that just came out of your mouth was a lie."

    Turns out the guy was a senior in high school, but his girlfriend was a freshman in college. Well, she was his girlfriend until she discovered that college boys at college were fun than high school boyfriends back home, and she broke up with him... by phone. He skipped school the next day and came to talk to her. Turns out the girl wasn't in the room. She had run to friend's room when he called her telling her he was there and wanted to see her.

    The LT had gone to talk to her. To paint the picture, the LT is a big, scary dude. He comes walking up to this guy, hands him a necklace, and tells him, "She says its over."

    This poor guy got dumped, over the phone, and then drives two hours only to have me point a gun at him and cuff him resulting in his soiling himself... and then a big, scary dude breaks up with him.


    ***For years, anytime a new guy would mention the LT being a big, scary man, I would say, "Yeah, I saw him break up with a dude once. It wasn't pretty." and then nobody would tell the new guy the rest of the story.
    I had an ER nurse in a class. I noticed she kept taking all head shots. Her response when asked why, "'I've seen too many people who have been shot in the chest putting up a fight in the ER." Point taken.

  9. #129
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    Jan 2015
    Location
    Texas
    Years ago, back when I thought it was cool, I bought a pair of high speed tactical ninja gloves. They were like $60 and I felt like a real bad ass wearing them. Never mind that I weighed a buck forty and looked like I was 15 years old. Dan, my partner, would just not stop giving me a hard time about the gloves and how stupid they were. On the third or fourth day of glove ownership, we're working crime suppression. My partner and I jack up this hooker that we think is delivering crack rocks. We arrest her for a warrant and get a female officer to search. The female officer has the hooker spread her legs and baggy with a piece of a crack cookie about the size of an oreo falls to the ground. Without too much thought I kick the baggy out of the way, pick up the baggy and throw it on the hood of the squad car. Dan just erupts with laughter and quickly points, "Yo dumbass, that fell out of her cooter, how you like them gloves now?" I threw the gloves on the side of the road and haven't ever bought another pair.

  10. #130
    This may be breaking the rules as I did not directly experience it, instead was told by another who was there.

    Back in the early 90's, a soldier at the local base decides to drive his Jeep out into the middle of *$@#-nowhere on post, seal his jeep up and run a pipe from the exhaust to the cab. He's eventually found some days later, but mind you this happened in the middle of summer. Needless to say he had time to stew and built up an ungodly stench.

    As those tasked with removing the body begin to do so, the first individual goes to grab an arm, but the heat makes him jerk his hand away. The deceased's flesh in that spot adhered to the glove and came away with it.

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