View Full Version : Chuck Norris Sold His Soul???
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 12:01 AM
Seen on FB recently so it must be true:
"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts skills. Shortly after the transaction was finalized Chuck roundhouse kicked the Devil in the face, and then took his soul back. The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad at Chuck and admitted that he 'should have seen it coming'. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."
~ Typos brought to you by my laziness & in attention to detail.
Chuck Norris once urinated in the gas tank of a semi-truck because he was miles away from a restroom. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 02:09 AM
Ha! Okay, here we go... I'll start with the classic:
Chuck is so tough he sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
~ Typos brought to you by my laziness & in attention to detail.
Guinnessman
05-24-2013, 07:13 AM
According to Webster's Dictionary, the word "Lesbian" means:
Has yet to meet Chuck Norris.
WobblyPossum
05-24-2013, 07:32 AM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the pool gets Chuck Norrised.
A long time ago, Chuck Norris was doing a little sparring with MR. T. Chuck threw a roundhouse which Mr. T happened to block with his mohawk. The resulting explosion is known as "The Big Bang."
When CHuck Norris wants a steak and a glass of milk, he just eats a cow.
Andy in NH
05-24-2013, 08:11 AM
Children look under their beds for the Boogieman.
The Boogieman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris!
archangel
05-24-2013, 08:33 AM
I actually have a t-shirt that says "Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection."
texasaggie2005
05-24-2013, 08:38 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj2Zf9tlg2Y&feature=share&list=PLQ-7WiWmOuK-55mfcd_tdcvy-57VMCkOW
Chuck Haggard
05-24-2013, 11:09 AM
Only one person in history has ever kicked Chuck Norris in the face. Bruce Lee.
Bruce Lee is dead.
Coincidence?
NEPAKevin
05-24-2013, 11:37 AM
Only one person in history has ever kicked Chuck Norris in the face. Bruce Lee.
Bruce Lee is dead.
Coincidence?
As is Bruce's son, Brandon. Talk about unintended consequences.
When Chuck Norris wanted to get high, he snorted Charlie Sheen.
NickA
05-24-2013, 11:54 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris shaves by punching himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
And every time I type in "Chuck", SwiftKey automatically suggests "Norris", because SwiftKey doesn't want a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris' daughter lost her virginity, Chuck Norris found it and put it back.
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 11:59 AM
I actually have a t-shirt that says "Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection."
Similar to: Bullet-proof vests wear Chuck Norris for protection.
LOKNLOD
05-24-2013, 12:19 PM
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 12:23 PM
And every time I type in "Chuck", SwiftKey automatically suggests "Norris", because SwiftKey doesn't want a roundhouse kick to the face.
Now THAT'S a gem!
Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people... and then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck gives you the finger he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
punkey71
05-24-2013, 12:26 PM
Chuck Norris was once asked how many pushups he can do.
His reply?
All of them.
Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2
Beneath Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin. There is only another fist.
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 12:57 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets know better than to miss.
Chuck actually died for years ago but the Grim Reaper doesn't have the nerve to tell him.
NickA
05-24-2013, 01:12 PM
Chuck Norris was once asked how many pushups he can do.
His reply?
All of them.
Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups. He pushes the Earth down.
BobLoblaw
05-24-2013, 01:38 PM
You can reach Chuck Norris at gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris's balls have balls.
Chuck Norris never blows out his birthday candles. He breathes them in.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris was born 3 months premature...because he had asses to kick.
There's no natural selection. Just a list of species Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
KeeFus
05-24-2013, 01:52 PM
Saw this on FB and thought it was appropriate....:rolleyes:
http://i.imgur.com/uFPhnoF.jpg
LOKNLOD
05-24-2013, 02:07 PM
Saw this on FB and thought it was appropriate....:rolleyes:
That's AWESOME.
I bet he'd bitch about being associated with FB in any sort of way though...
Chuck Norris once round housekicked someone so hard, his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and also killed Amelia Earhart.
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 06:46 PM
Chuck Norris can hear sign language and speak Braille.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says "Chuck Norris".
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can drink Cutty Sark and piss Balvenie Portwood.
Guinnessman
05-24-2013, 06:56 PM
Chuck Norris can drink Cutty Sark and piss Balvenie Portwood.
Classic!:D
Corlissimo
05-24-2013, 07:21 PM
Chuck Norris can drink Cutty Sark and piss Balvenie Portwood.
Uh oh... I sense potential thread merge with the Scotch thread? :p
Uh oh... I sense potential thread merge with the Scotch thread? :p
Um, don't cross the streams?
Jon
KC
In Soviet Russia, life is the same for Chuck Norris as anywhere else.
Clyde from Carolina
05-25-2013, 10:04 PM
Saw this on FB and thought it was appropriate....:rolleyes:
http://i.imgur.com/uFPhnoF.jpg
Probably true. Not to veer the thread too much, but...
My dad was a 50s and 60s Marine and pretty much worshipped at the shrine of Puller-Dom. I have a good friend who was a WWII Marine who served in the 1st Marine Division. He got there after Puller had left following Peleliu and all the old hands he was educated by did NOT like Puller. Many saw his fanatical tenacity at Peleliu as being a little TOO much.
Funny how some of that stuff is generational. I've seen this referenced in histories, but it was quite amazing to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
Sorry for thread hi-jack.
Corlissimo
05-25-2013, 11:29 PM
Probably true. Not to veer the thread too much, but...
My dad was a 50s and 60s Marine and pretty much worshipped at the shrine of Puller-Dom. I have a good friend who was a WWII Marine who served in the 1st Marine Division. He got there after Puller had left following Peleliu and all the old hands he was educated by did NOT like Puller. Many saw his fanatical tenacity at Peleliu as being a little TOO much.
Funny how some of that stuff is generational. I've seen this referenced in histories, but it was quite amazing to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
Sorry for thread hi-jack.
Thread-jack forgiven if you provide a quality Chuck Norris joke.
~ Typos brought to you by my laziness & in attention to detail.
Clyde from Carolina
05-25-2013, 11:42 PM
Thread-jack forgiven if you provide a quality Chuck Norris joke.
~ Typos brought to you by my laziness & in attention to detail.
Fair enough.
"A man's got to know his limitations", said Inspector Callahan.
Then he met Chuck Norris.
"Kitten," he said. "This Kittener is a force of nature; Have you SEEN Way of the Dragon ? Nobody better kitten with Chuck Norris."
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