Girlfriend doesn’t want me to have my CCW when I come over her house.

[365X]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes……
Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend kinda doesn’t want me to come over her house with my CCW in a pocket holster, wants me to keep the gun in my car in the car when I visit her.

I pocket carry a P365XL in condition 3, and I’m a low C USPSA shooter. I’ve been shooting for 2 years. Late 50’s age both of us. While she lives in a pretty safe neighborhood with a guard gate…….anything is always possible. And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid.

Now I live in Florida and for example when I visit my 30 year old kid in Philly, I’m going to leave the gun home because I don’t believe my Florida CCW permit would allow me to carry in the city of Philadelphia. So there are places and occasions I won’t have my CCW on my person, I try and limit those situations I can’t have my CCW with me.

Anyway am I being stubborn in not leaving my CCW in the car when I visit her ? She can either let me in her house and not bust my balls about the CCW, or come to my house. And accept the fact that most places I go I will be armed if I can.
Of course if going on a cruise or something like that it would be illegal to bring my CCW, so I of course won’t, as I follow the law. And the law in Florida is I can legally carry my CCW with my permit most places, and that’s what I do.

Am I being unreasonable ?

[Duelist]

This is something you will have to decide for yourself: this woman, or this right you feel is important to exercise.

Do not leave your gun in your car: cars are stolen all the time, and cars are broken into and guns stolen from them all the time.

If you aren’t married to her, and don’t share a kid, you might need to decide that yes, this is unreasonable and take a break from her if you feel like visiting her isn’t worth the hassle.

[1slow]

You may be able to educate her and get her to understand CCW is for your and her safety.

If not you have a choice.

Only my view:

Anyone who wants me to be more helpless will never be my friend or fully trusted.

[FNFAN]

Talk it over and find out why she feels that way, explain your thoughts, offer to take her shooting. If it's a "hell no" and you're looking for something long term, let her know this is an absolute & unchangeable deal breaker long term. If it's just sport, make sure she understands that and that you'll never be exclusive.

[Ed4032]

Get a new girlfriend.

[RoyGBiv]

.

Now I live in Florida and for example when I visit my 30 year old kid in Philly, I’m going to leave the gun home because I don’t believe my Florida CCW permit would allow me to carry in the city of Philadelphia. So there are places and occasions I won’t have my CCW on my person, I try and limit those situations I can’t have my CCW with me.


FWIW, I don't see anything in PA law that prohibits a FL resident with a valid FL license from carrying in Philadelphia.

I am not a lawyer. This is just my opinion.

https://handgunlaw.us/states/pennsylvania.pdf

[Bucky]

FWIW, I don't see anything in PA law that prohibits a FL resident with a valid FL license from carrying in Philadelphia.

I am not a lawyer. This is just my opinion.

https://handgunlaw.us/states/pennsylvania.pdf

I thought PA dropped reciprocity with FL altogether. Has that been reinstated?

[Hambo]

Am I being unreasonable ?

Is she?

My wife didn't know anyone who had guns, hunted, or liked shooting, until she met me. She took it as part of who I am and has never complained or asked me to stop or get rid of guns.

I would advise you to dump this chick and get enough training to be confident carrying a gun that's ready to shoot.

[hufnagel]

https://handgunlaw.us/states/pennsylvania.pdf
Best "information" out there. As always and of course, you carry at your own risk.
re: the female companion, if she's not even open to a conversation, IMHO you need a different one.

[rob_s]

If this is nothing more than a booty call or friends with benefits, I’d leave the gun in the car, tap it, and go home.

If this is someone you’re pursuing a long-term serious relationship with I’d bail asap (or revert to FWB). Not because of the gun, but because of the other bullshit that’s going to go along with someone that thinks like that. Major red flag.

[RJ]

FWIW, I don't see anything in PA law that prohibits a FL resident with a valid FL license from carrying in Philadelphia.

I am not a lawyer. This is just my opinion.

https://handgunlaw.us/states/pennsylvania.pdf

Nor me. My "CCW" iPhone app I use when traveling indicates PA honors the FL CCW permit, but only if the person is both 1) over 21 and 2) a resident of PA. I'm not 100% sure what they mean by "resident", i.e. permanent or temporary.

*Edit: I followed the link hufnagel provided and "resident" means resident of FL. I take it as you are GTG in PA if you have a valid FL permit:

https://www.attorneygeneral.gov/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Reciprocity-Summary.pdf


I have no opinion on the family situation, seems like that's something you have to work out yourself with your partner.

103102

[RoyGBiv]

I thought PA dropped reciprocity with FL altogether. Has that been reinstated?

Not according to the handgunlaw link I posted.


*Edit: I followed the link @hufnagel (https://pistol-forum.com/member.php?u=369) provided and "resident" means resident of FL. I take it as you are GTG in PA if you have a valid FL permit

My understanding is that PA does not honor non-resident permits, so, someone from NY can't get a FL non-res and carry in PA, for example. But if you are a FL resident with a FL permit, PA honors it.

Again, IANAL. Just my opinion.

[RJ]

My understanding is that PA does not honor non-resident permits, so, someone from NY can't get a FL non-res and carry in PA, for example. But if you are a FL resident with a FL permit, PA honors it.



That makes sense.

Like as a FL resident, I can obtain a UT permit to "cover" additional states (It might have been WA at the time I was after, since we planned to travel there). Once I went so far as to take the UT non-resident permit class here in FL. For reasons I can't recall, I never applied for a UT permit.

[Phaedrus]

I suppose it depends on if she's "worth it." I'm only slightly older than you and by now I know myself pretty well and what's important to me. I got married at 22 and my wife didn't care about guns much herself but understood that I was going to CCW at all times. I was carrying at my wedding! We split for other reasons. Now if a woman didn't want me to CCW in her house I might not break it off immediately but I probably wouldn't spend time at her place much. Ultimately it depends on where I felt it was heading. In your late fifties, is this a fling or a thing? If you got married what would she say about guns in your shared home? Personally I wouldn't want to dishonest with her but neither would I quit carrying a sidearm to appease her.

[UNK]

Its a check to assert dominance. If you like being dominated and are ok with that creeping into all aspects of your life and being micro managed, with probably nothing to her satisfaction eventually then stick around. If thats not appealing Id lay down the law and if she isnt compliant move on. The question is, is this a one time thing that can be quashed or will it be a forever issue.

[Leroy Suggs]

Drop that bitch like a hot potato.

Start carrying your gun loaded. It ain't loaded with the chamber empty.

[CraigS]

The way I feel after just 8 years of carry, I'd be looking real close at moving on. If I am outside our house I am armed. Maybe a month ago I was working on a project and needed to make a Lowes run. Somehow I ended up w/o my carry piece. I realized it getting out of the car at L. I was real close to skipping L, going home, arming up, and coming back. I decided to go in anyway since it was a short trip and I knew exactly what I needed and where it was in the store. Man I felt weird and vulnerable. It can sound crazy some people but there is no way I would stay in a relationship where I was forced to feel vulnerable.

[Caballoflaco]

A friend once told me that hooking back up with an ex is like digging publicly through a trash can to find and eat the half-eaten sandwich you threw out the day before because it tasted bad and expecting it to taste better this time.

On the other hand, I’d rather carry a decent knife and some pepper spray than pocket (or any kind of carry really) a gun in condition 3. So you’re not loosing that much if you continue to see her and leave the gun locked up at home.

[Trooper224]

As I see it, this seems to be more of a ego battle between the two of you, rather than over any safety concerns.

You admittedly refuse to carry your weapon in a state of readiness because there's a microscopic chance you'll have to use it. Yet, respecting her wishes in her own home are a problem for you. You're willing to be unready in your daily life, yet you draw a line in the sand over carrying an unready weapon in your girlfriends home?

Ditch the gun, you're not mature enough to handle the responsibility.

[joshs]

https://handgunlaw.us/states/pennsylvania.pdf
Best "information" out there. As always and of course, you carry at your own risk.

Handgunlaw.us is a great resource, but it should be treated like a secondary source which can lead you to a primary source.

https://www.attorneygeneral.gov/resources/concealed-carry-reciprocity/

https://www.attorneygeneral.gov/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Florida.pdf

[TGS]

I agree Rob_S and Trooper 224.

Ditch the girl. Go get some relationship coaching to not be so submissive....this isn't machismo internet chest thumping, it's about knowing yourself, how to draw boundaries, and how to select a person to pursue a relationship with. At your age, it's a huge red flag that you even have to ask this question. It's a huge red flag to me that she won't let you bring a gun in the house, I'm assuming even if that means installing a safe and locking it up.

Next, get some training and learn how to properly carry a gun. Condition 3 ain't it.

ETA: might I also suggest to the mods that this isn't an appropriate topic for the "Mindset and Tactics" subforum.

[Glenn E. Meyer]

First, if it is relationship power issue with guns just as a focal point for the struggle, rethink the relationship.

If it is a serious question from her - here's some info why car storage is bad: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/25/us/illegal-guns-parked-cars.html

[365X]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.
I was married for 27 years, and now I’m somewhat eccentric and retired so I do what I want when I want.
I don’t have much drive to be with a woman other than the company and had/have dated this lady for 5 years.
She’s crazy about me physically, and that’s an ego boost to me. But I don’t really care care about dating.

I think having the gun in condition 3 in my front pocket is better than a stick, and gives me mental piece of mind.

BTW Pennsylvania is reciprocal with Florida, but PHILADELPHIA is classified as something like a “city of the first order” ( or something like that)………so having my CCW from Florida which is legal in Pennsylvania, is not legal in the city of Philadelphia.

I guess I won’t visit her at her house or tell her I won’t go there if she busts my balls about my CCW. I did stay with her when I broke my ankle/leg last year, for several weeks. And I had to follow her rules. I was in bad shape. But now fully recovered I don’t follow her rules.

Settled. I won’t shelp to her house if she busts my balls about my CCW. I thought about finding someone else, but to me everyone is a hassle eventually. I’m a stick in the mud.

This was like a sounding board, and if it should be moved from mindset and tactics then please do. Or if it’s not allowed then delete. If allowed then leave. I figured it’s “Mindset and tactics”………talking about condition 3 and carrying all the time or not. Thanks all for mostly reinforcing my mindset of not going there if I can’t carry (even if it’s only condition 3).

My M9A4 that I sleep with one foot away from my head at night, covered with a towel and a pillow, is also condition 3. But that’s my house. So I have the M9A4 less than a foot from my head. A 6” GP100 loaded in the bathroom hidden, and my CCW in my nightstand drawer, that goes with me in jeans or shorts.

I just realized when I’m walking around my house in my PJ’s I don’t have the CCW on me !

[WobblyPossum]

It sounds like the relationship stuff has been addressed satisfactorily. I’ll just add that there is a huge difference between a condition 3 home defense gun that’s kept off-body and your on-body CCW gun. Condition 3 is perfectly acceptable for an off-body home defense gun for numerous reasons including that you should generally have more time to react to someone breaking into your home, you don’t have constant control of the firearm, and since you’d possibly be awakening from a deep sleep having to perform an extra action to get the gun ready to fire is actually prudent. The exact opposite is true for on-body CCW guns. You generally don’t have much time to respond to the threat, you do have constant control of the firearm, and you might not have the ability to chamber a round because of the circumstances. I highly encourage you to seek additional training to the point that you’re comfortable carrying with the chamber loaded (in a pocket holster if your primary mode of CCW is pocket carry). I don’t know how capable you are at chambering a round one handed as you draw from your pocket but there’s a good chance you won’t be able to use two hands to chamber that round should you have to use your gun. There’s numerous reasons most of us prefer to avoid the possibility entirely and just carry loaded guns to begin with. An unloaded gun is useless when you need a loaded one in your hand.

[Andy in NH]

Girlfriend doesn’t want me to have my CCW when I come over her house.

You don't align with her intellectually.

This might be the first example, but it won't be the last.

Cut ties and move on.

[okie john]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.
I was married for 27 years, and now I’m somewhat eccentric and retired so I do what I want when I want.
I don’t have much drive to be with a woman other than the company and had/have dated this lady for 5 years.
She’s crazy about me physically, and that’s an ego boost to me. But I don’t really care care about dating.

I think having the gun in condition 3 in my front pocket is better than a stick, and gives me mental piece of mind.

BTW Pennsylvania is reciprocal with Florida, but PHILADELPHIA is classified as something like a “city of the first order” ( or something like that)………so having my CCW from Florida which is legal in Pennsylvania, is not legal in the city of Philadelphia.

I guess I won’t visit her at her house or tell her I won’t go there if she busts my balls about my CCW. I did stay with her when I broke my ankle/leg last year, for several weeks. And I had to follow her rules. I was in bad shape. But now fully recovered I don’t follow her rules.

Settled. I won’t shelp to her house if she busts my balls about my CCW. I thought about finding someone else, but to me everyone is a hassle eventually. I’m a stick in the mud.

This was like a sounding board, and if it should be moved from mindset and tactics then please do. Or if it’s not allowed then delete. If allowed then leave. I figured it’s “Mindset and tactics”………talking about condition 3 and carrying all the time or not. Thanks all for mostly reinforcing my mindset of not going there if I can’t carry (even if it’s only condition 3).

My M9A4 that I sleep with one foot away from my head at night, covered with a towel and a pillow, is also condition 3.

I once dated a woman who (at first) said she was fine with me carrying. Then she started pushing back on me carrying in specific places. The issue came to a head over me carrying when we went to her church. Logic and news stories did not persuade her--she didn't want me to carry at her church.

We agreed that she'd ask her pastor, then abide by that choice. The pastor said it was fine and actually welcomed having a well-trained and properly armed parishioner. Then I started to get pushback on carrying other places. As others have pointed out, this is the tip of the iceberg in a battle for control of the the relationship--and of you.

Find someone who's on the same page as you. At your age, there are more fish in the sea than when you were younger. As you get older, there will be even more--it's just demographics.

Also, get the training you need to feel comfortable carrying a pistol on Condition One.


Okie John

[Jason M]

Philadelphia is still a part of The Commonwealth. If you are legal to carry concealed in PA, you are legal in Philly. PA Title 18, Chapter 61 covers CCW. PA calls it LTCF.

[RoyGBiv]

BTW Pennsylvania is reciprocal with Florida, but PHILADELPHIA is classified as something like a “city of the first order” ( or something like that)………so having my CCW from Florida which is legal in Pennsylvania, is not legal in the city of Philadelphia.

Interesting.... Are they really able to circumvent LEOSA as well?
https://criminallawpennsylvania.com/philadelphia-gun-lawyer/laws/other-jurisdictions/


Reciprocity With Other Jurisdictions A valid license to carry issued in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is valid in the City and County of Philadelphia. However, Philadelphia does not have reciprocity with any other jurisdictions regarding concealed carry or other gun registration. Any out of state licenses, special licenses out of the county, and certain licenses involving police officers are not valid in Philadelphia.


For example, police officers from New Jersey may not be able to carry their firearm across any of the Philadelphia bridges connecting the two states, because the lack of reciprocity opens up an officer to criminal prosecution. The only license that carries any weight is the license issued throughout the City and County of Philadelphia or the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.



You could get a PA non-res and be legal in Philly... I suppose
https://handgunlaw.us/documents/Pennsylvania_County_Sheriffs.pdf

[Glenn E. Meyer]

A friend of mine married a woman after his first wife passed. His new wife swore she would ride motorcycles, shoot guns and not get fat. Guess what. Add spend money like water.

[Andy in NH]

A friend of mine married a woman after his first wife passed. His new wife swore she would ride motorcycles, shoot guns and not get fat. Guess what. Add spend money like water.

If they aren't already doing the first two when you meet them, they probably won't.

[365X]

It sounds nice a lady/companion involved with your hobby any hobby…..in theory.
For me it’s never worked out that way. I don’t care who it is, I need a break from them. AND I’m sure they need a break from me.

And believe me there are a lot of things I’m not easy going about……..just ask my ex-wife.

[crosseyedshooter]

Would she consider having a lockbox at her place where you could put your gun? Maybe she’s worried she’ll shoot you if y’all got in an argument.

[HeavyDuty]

Her place, her rules.

That said, to me this is an enormous red flag. When I started dating after losing my wife tolerance for shooting and carry was a non-negotiable, and I actually amicably walked away from a few promising women because of it. My wife now is a Texas liberal, meaning she just wants me to be safe and keep guns not on body locked up (because of the kids) - something I would do anyways.

I’d be looking for an out.

[Clusterfrack]

Since this is the mindset and tactics subforum, I'll answer with that in mind.

"Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend": Sounds like this may be an on/off relationship? Do you trust her with a loaded firearm?

Condition 3 (Israeli carry): A good friend of mine is a USPSA M and carries C3. He understands that this is poor self-defense tactics, but still can't bring himself to carry a "fully loaded" firearm. It's a mindset thing, and I won't try to talk him out of it.

Likelihood of a AD or a ND: It is easy to learn out how to lower that likelihood significantly, and mitigate it if it happens by only doing administrative functions while pointed in a safe direction. We're big fans of training here on P-F, and I'm sure someone can recommend a good instructor near you.





Not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes……
Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend kinda doesn’t want me to come over her house with my CCW in a pocket holster, wants me to keep the gun in my car in the car when I visit her.

I pocket carry a P365XL in condition 3, and I’m a low C USPSA shooter. I’ve been shooting for 2 years. Late 50’s age both of us. While she lives in a pretty safe neighborhood with a guard gate…….anything is always possible. And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid.

Now I live in Florida and for example when I visit my 30 year old kid in Philly, I’m going to leave the gun home because I don’t believe my Florida CCW permit would allow me to carry in the city of Philadelphia. So there are places and occasions I won’t have my CCW on my person, I try and limit those situations I can’t have my CCW with me.

Anyway am I being stubborn in not leaving my CCW in the car when I visit her ? She can either let me in her house and not bust my balls about the CCW, or come to my house. And accept the fact that most places I go I will be armed if I can.
Of course if going on a cruise or something like that it would be illegal to bring my CCW, so I of course won’t, as I follow the law. And the law in Florida is I can legally carry my CCW with my permit most places, and that’s what I do.

Am I being unreasonable ?

[365X]

Since this is the mindset and tactics subforum, I'll answer with that in mind.

"Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend": Sounds like this may be an on/off relationship? Do you trust her with a loaded firearm?

Condition 3 (Israeli carry): A good friend of mine is a USPSA M and carries C3. He understands that this is poor self-defense tactics, but still can't bring himself to carry a "fully loaded" firearm. It's a mindset thing, and I won't try to talk him out of it.

Likelihood of a AD or a ND: It is easy to learn out how to lower that likelihood significantly, and mitigate it if it happens by only doing administrative functions while pointed in a safe direction. We're big fans of training here on P-F, and I'm sure someone can recommend a good instructor near you.

I trust her not to shoot me, but not to safely handle a firearm. She wouldn’t touch it. She’s someone that’s very smart in some things, and not in others. I just won’t go over her house unless she changes her mind, I’m done with being nagged. And I resemble your friend although I’m not nearly as skilled.

[cosermann]

One of the first few dates I took my wife on was a trip to the range. She did not know it at the time, but it was a litmus test. Had that not gone well, it would have been over. I wasn't about to get emotionally involved/invest in a relationship I knew wasn't going to go where it needed to go. Twenty-nine happily married years later and I'd have to say it was the right choice. So there's that.

That said, there could be different reasons why she's reluctant to have your gun in the house. Teasing out the "why" suggests different actions/solutions.

One could be she's antigun.

Another could be she's not confident in your firearms handling. Now, I don't know you. Just offering this up for personal reflection. But some things in the thread, like carrying with an empty chamber, etc. make me wonder if it could be applicable. Just saying. May/may not apply. Take it for what it's worth.

[Erick Gelhaus]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes……
Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend kinda doesn’t want me to come over her house with my CCW in a pocket holster, wants me to keep the gun in my car in the car when I visit her.

I pocket carry a P365XL in condition 3, and I’m a low C USPSA shooter. I’ve been shooting for 2 years. Late 50’s age both of us. While she lives in a pretty safe neighborhood with a guard gate…….anything is always possible. And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid...

Anyway am I being stubborn in not leaving my CCW in the car when I visit her ? ...

Am I being unreasonable ?

It may have been covered already, but there are two, no, three problems here: Your comfort with the pistol, her comfort with the pistol, and leaving it in the car.

The car ... it does neither you nor anyone else any good if you are leaving the handgun in the car. And, unless you have legit secure storage in your car, you are risking a very real chance of theft. That'd let another goun get into the hands of those with zero right, need for one.

Your comfort - this isn't derogatory towards you; however, if you are not comfortable carrying a quality handgun with a round chambered, then you should not carry that handgun concealed on you. The research and validation is out there.

Her comfort - If are committed to that relationship and concealed carry, you'll need to find out her fears, concerns and work to address them. Your lack of comfort may well be playing into that.

I wish you the best.

[RoyGBiv]

Took Wife to the range early on in our relationship... She out-shot me. :o
BiL is an avid hunter... No problems visiting there armed. I give him crap about his lack of carry permit.. He's got a little Fudd in him, I suppose.

[fly out]

I don't really feel that telling a guy what to do in this situation is a topic for polite conversation (especially since we haven't seen a picture), but hey, you asked...

The answer almost certainly isn't "I just won't go over to her place" - you're still wasting time with her, when there might be someone else out there who won't need the compromises. Take your rod down to the pier and throw a line in the water. Part of the fun of fishing in the ocean is that you have no idea what you might reel in.

If George Zimmerman carried in Condition 3, we would never know his name. There would have been an obituary in the Sanford paper, and that's it. He was on the ground under an attacker who was trying to beat him to death. If he had needed to rack his slide after drawing, it would have been game over for him. Of course you can argue that he made lots of bad decisions to be in that position in the first place, but, carrying with a round in the chamber isn't one of them.

[Joe in PNG]

The C3 thing isn't a good thing, really. It's very possible that one won't have the time to rack the slide, or an extra hand when it is needed most. I believe it was BBI who had a personal story about a broken thumb not letting him deactivate the safety on a 1911.

If one is worried about an accidental loud noise with a semi-auto, it may be better to switch to a revolver.

[Oldherkpilot]

I think having the gun in condition 3 in my front pocket is better than a stick, and gives me mental piece of mind.



A good case can be made that a lowly stick makes a decent one-handed weapon while an essentially unloaded pistol in your pocket is worthless with one hand even if you manage to retrieve it. Personally, I wouldn't pocket carry a striker fired pistol. But the market is loaded with good holsters for them and DA pistols and revolvers for your pocket. Either of those will give you real peace of mind.

[DDTSGM]

Having read through the responses as well as reading your decision reference going over to her house, I'm not going to offer relationship advice. Sorry, that's your loss.

I do want to address C3 carry, though. It sounds like you've thought about this decision a bit, so, although I don't agree with your decision, I recognize I'm unlikely to change your mind.

Here's the deal though, you really need to practice going from unloaded chamber, to loaded chamber. Use dummy rounds to practice. Practice seated in your car, seated at a table, in your recliner, in bed, and on the move - both walking and running. Always make sure for two-handed manipulations you muzzle is in a safe direction and
Then go back and figure how you can go from unloaded chamber, to loaded chamber with one hand.

Figure out how you could do it with someone on top of you while you are trying to fend them off with your other hand.

Always make sure for two-handed manipulations you muzzle is in a safe direction and your finger is outside the trigger guard. For one-handed manipulations you will often have to settle for 'muzzle in the least dangerous direction possible' and finger outside of the trigger guard.

I'm sure there is a plethora of 'one-hand manipulation' videos on you-tube, before watching them I would try to brainstorm and figure it out for myself, then see how I did.

Ask questions if needed.

Good luck.

[LJP]

You seem to have thought a bit about the issues at hand, but I’ll add my thoughts.

The woman: red flag, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Car storage: minus a real lockbox, just don’t.

Condition 3 carry: you mentioned a GP100, so you have at least some passing familiarity with revolvers. I would get a LCR in the caliber of your choice and pocket carry that with a fully charged cylinder instead of the P365. Without a round chambered, you are severely disadvantaged in any scenario approaching reality.

[Thy.Will.Be.Done]

As I see it, this seems to be more of a ego battle between the two of you, rather than over any safety concerns.

You admittedly refuse to carry your weapon in a state of readiness because there's a microscopic chance you'll have to use it. Yet, respecting her wishes in her own home are a problem for you. You're willing to be unready in your daily life, yet you draw a line in the sand over carrying an unready weapon in your girlfriends home?

Ditch the gun, you're not mature enough to handle the responsibility.

/Bingo, age is not a measure of maturity.

[MickAK]

I really wish people would stop mocking and chastising people for carrying in C3.

The appropriate response to that information is to strongly suggest training. Sufficient training will correct that mistake naturally. Aside from people like Clusterfrack mentioned who are making an informed choice even if it's the wrong one.

If someone hasn't done enough training to understand why that's a problem then having a round in the chamber isn't going to make them or anyone else safer. I think everyone has met at least one of those people in the wild. I don't think we need to make more.

[Mark D]

I may have missed it, but has anyone suggested that @365X (https://pistol-forum.com/member.php?u=21416) switch to a J frame in the pocket? It can be carried fully loaded while still being less likely to make an unintentional loud noise.

And since 365X asked, I recommend:

1. Ditch the GF.
2. Load a S&W 642, put it in the pocket holster of your choice, and drive on.

Edit: Just noticed that LJP had the same thought regarding a pocket revolver. Great minds and all that...

[Hambo]

I really wish people would stop mocking and chastising people for carrying in C3.

The appropriate response to that information is to strongly suggest training. Sufficient training will correct that mistake naturally. Aside from people like Clusterfrack mentioned who are making an informed choice even if it's the wrong one.

If someone hasn't done enough training to understand why that's a problem then having a round in the chamber isn't going to make them or anyone else safer. I think everyone has met at least one of those people in the wild. I don't think we need to make more.

A friend of mine carries C3 and here's what I've learned:
-He will never spend money on training
-He will listen politely to any reasoning, and still won't get training or stop carrying C3.

Every day he gets away without needing a C1 pistol reinforces that he doesn't need one.

I have found that women respond to logic on C3 carry and are more willing to invest in training. When I ask women how they plan to fight me while getting their P365 into shooting mode, the light bulb comes on instantly. Men, not so much.

[Boxy]

Back when I was dating the gun issue was the litmus test. I once was ask "why do I have to have guns". It essentially was a psychological eject button to remove the other party as a spousal candidate who ended up in the cull pile of potential mates.

When initially dating my wife of 22 years about my guns she said "let's see the guns". She had limited access to firearms outside the military in Eastern Europe during Cold War era. We will be going to the pistol range this weekend.

It has been my experience that conflicts in relationships only get bigger when the stakes become higher when investing time, treasure, and having children evolve.

Girlfriend will want you to liquidate your battery of arms if and when you marry.

[willie]

Two gun owning friends married women who hated guns. Soon after the ceremony, both women insisted that the husbands discard the firearms. They did so. The op can expect the same response if he marries this person.

About the op's weapon choice. I suggest he switch to a revolver. Drawing a pocket pistol and then having to rack the slide would be an example of intentional fumbling. The other guy will either kill the op or take his weapon from him. Though I still have all my marbles(?🤔), my degree of physical infirmity suggests that I may be an example of a person who might be easily disarmed. It's something to think about for me.

[Trooper224]

Regarding this particular issue: gun ownership is a core issue for many people, whether for or against. Just like politics and religion are core issues for even more. It's been my observational experience that such intracability on a core issue will invariably lead to incompatibility down the road.

[RevolverRob]

For me there are multiple red flags, but the two big ones. 1) You state this woman finds you physically attractive, which boosts your ego. 2) You mention Condition 3 pocket carry is for peace of mind not reality.

These two aspects are part of a larger underlying issue that you need to look to resolve and involve both a mindset change and some tactics to produce said mindset change.

Mindset:

1: You need to learn how to not need to have your ego stroked by any one person. You cannot find healthy, stable, relationships, or even contentment in life if you're not able to be comfortable with yourself.

2: Comfort with yourself extends to being comfortable in your surroundings or comfortable in your ability to alter those surroundings to meet your needs. That isn't just being comfortable in your own skin, it's comfortable and confident in your own abilities.

Tactics:

1: Drop this woman and forget she exists.

2: In fact, if I were you, I'd swear off women for awhile. Focus solely on self-improvement. Learn new things, go to the gym and lift heavy weights, start rolling Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, teach yourself how to reload, shoot more competitions, dry fire more. Whatever you do don't choose booze, partying, or eating - none of those are improvements.

3: As part of 2...you need to get yourself to a series of shooting courses that continually press you to be a better shooter. Your decision to Condition 3 is a function of lack-of-confidence in handling your firearm and overconfidence in your ability. You need to confront the reality of both.

_

To conclude:

I won't mince words or play nice about it your issue is ego. And if you don't make changes to confront and crush your ego, you will in the absolute best case - continue exactly as you are in your current status quo. In the worst case you'll end up over extending yourself and get yourself into a lot of trouble that could have been avoided entirely.

Ego is the enemy of progress and contentment. Ego is what causes us to be complacent, it is what causes us to covet, it is what causes us the most pain. Crush your ego and you'll start to win at life.

[willie]

Regarding this particular issue: gun ownershipw is a core issue for many people, whether for or against. Just like politics and religion are core issues for even more. It's been my observational experience that such intracability on a core issue will invariably lead to incompatibility down the road.

Excellent point and well said!

[Moylan]

I was fortunate enough to take my second-ever pistol training class with a fellow student who wanted to shoot the class as he carried--no round in the chamber. So I got to see the inspiring phenomenon of this guy drawing from concealment how ever many dozens of times all day, and failing to rack a round into the chamber just about every single time. To me, the first problem with empty chamber carrying isn't so much that you'll have a hard time racking the slide if you get into a grappling situation, or if you have an injured hand, or whatever. To me, the first problem is that you just won't rack the slide on the draw. Anyone who trains himself enough on the draw/rack so that he becomes actually capable of doing that in a defensive situation will at the same time develop sufficient comfort with his gun that he'll no longer want to carry on an empty chamber.

[Glenn E. Meyer]

Old debate on unchambered carry. I broke my wrist and had taken an injured shooter class. So I knew the drills on one handed manipulation. Spending a few months with my dominant hand out it, certainly convinces me that I would never do that voluntarily.

[kwb377]

Your comfort - this isn't derogatory towards you; however, if you are not comfortable carrying a quality handgun with a round chambered, then you should not carry that handgun concealed on you. The research and validation is out there.

Her comfort - If are committed to that relationship and concealed carry, you'll need to find out her fears, concerns and work to address them. Your lack of comfort may well be playing into that.


This may be issue...perhaps she senses or has seen the OP's discomfort of handling firearms and it's a safety concern with her rather than an anti-gun sentiment.

[willie]

At home when I was a kid we had a 1911 45 which I started using at age 13. My father, older brothers, and uncles trained me well. The old man would have taken it away from me had I not demonstrated safe handling. It was one of my woods companions, and I was under strict order to keep the chamber empty. I obeyed 100%. As a teen I figured out aside from plinking and field shooting, condition 3 put folks at a disadvantage. I can't imagine using it with a carry gun.

[willie]

A friend of mine carries C3 and here's what I've learned:
-He will never spend money on training
-He will listen politely to any reasoning, and still won't get training or stop carrying C3.

Every day he gets away without needing a C1 pistol reinforces that he doesn't need one.

I have found that women respond to logic on C3 carry and are more willing to invest in training. When I ask women how they plan to fight me while getting their P365 into shooting mode, the light bulb comes on instantly. Men, not so much.

Excellent teaching point. I will borrow that and use my old infirm ass as an example by saying If I latched on to you, you must first get my 190 pound frame off of you and point out that you eventually can but will have a dead gun during the process. And like Mike Tyson I bite!:)

[365X]

For me there are multiple red flags, but the two big ones. 1) You state this woman finds you physically attractive, which boosts your ego. 2) You mention Condition 3 pocket carry is for peace of mind not reality.

These two aspects are part of a larger underlying issue that you need to look to resolve and involve both a mindset change and some tactics to produce said mindset change.

Mindset:

1: You need to learn how to not need to have your ego stroked by any one person. You cannot find healthy, stable, relationships, or even contentment in life if you're not able to be comfortable with yourself.

2: Comfort with yourself extends to being comfortable in your surroundings or comfortable in your ability to alter those surroundings to meet your needs. That isn't just being comfortable in your own skin, it's comfortable and confident in your own abilities.

Tactics:

1: Drop this woman and forget she exists.

2: In fact, if I were you, I'd swear off women for awhile. Focus solely on self-improvement. Learn new things, go to the gym and lift heavy weights, start rolling Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, teach yourself how to reload, shoot more competitions, dry fire more. Whatever you do don't choose booze, partying, or eating - none of those are improvements.

3: As part of 2...you need to get yourself to a series of shooting courses that continually press you to be a better shooter. Your decision to Condition 3 is a function of lack-of-confidence in handling your firearm and overconfidence in your ability. You need to confront the reality of both.

_

To conclude:

I won't mince words or play nice about it your issue is ego. And if you don't make changes to confront and crush your ego, you will in the absolute best case - continue exactly as you are in your current status quo. In the worst case you'll end up over extending yourself and get yourself into a lot of trouble that could have been avoided entirely.

Ego is the enemy of progress and contentment. Ego is what causes us to be complacent, it is what causes us to covet, it is what causes us the most pain. Crush your ego and you'll start to win at life.



1) Truthfully I’m not looking for any woman. Don’t have the energy and desire for the BS. (Was formerly married for 27 years)

2) currently going to the gym and lifting weights again as 40yr high school reunion is later this year.

3) My reality is if there is trouble I……
A) Run
B) Hide
C) fight

(Wait…..that’s a movie that never got released).

Ha, my imaginary friend just came over my house. Just beat the crap out of him with my fists.

[HCM]

1) Truthfully I’m not looking for any woman. Don’t have the energy and desire for the BS. (Was formerly married for 27 years)

2) currently going to the gym and lifting weights again as 40yr high school reunion is later this year.

3) My reality is if there is trouble I……
A) Run
B) Hide
C) fight

(Wait…..that’s a movie that never got released).

Ha, my imaginary friend just came over my house. Just beat the crap out of him with my fists.

So what you’re saying is:

103172

[Hambo]

2) currently going to the gym and lifting weights again as 40yr high school reunion is later this year.


So you'll work out for months to looks better and possibly impress people, most of whom you haven't seen in 40 years. However, you won't put in the effort to carry a gun in state of readiness. My first answer was mistaken. Quit carrying the gun and have fun with the chick. You might score at the reunion, too.

[RJ]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes……
Girlfriend/ExGirlfriend kinda doesn’t want me to come over her house with my CCW in a pocket holster, wants me to keep the gun in my car in the car when I visit her.

I pocket carry a P365XL in condition 3, and I’m a low C USPSA shooter. I’ve been shooting for 2 years. Late 50’s age both of us. While she lives in a pretty safe neighborhood with a guard gate…….anything is always possible. And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid.

Now I live in Florida and for example when I visit my 30 year old kid in Philly, I’m going to leave the gun home because I don’t believe my Florida CCW permit would allow me to carry in the city of Philadelphia. So there are places and occasions I won’t have my CCW on my person, I try and limit those situations I can’t have my CCW with me.

Anyway am I being stubborn in not leaving my CCW in the car when I visit her ? She can either let me in her house and not bust my balls about the CCW, or come to my house. And accept the fact that most places I go I will be armed if I can.
Of course if going on a cruise or something like that it would be illegal to bring my CCW, so I of course won’t, as I follow the law. And the law in Florida is I can legally carry my CCW with my permit most places, and that’s what I do.

Am I being unreasonable ?

I reread your post...wow this is freaky. We have a lot in common.

I was married for 29 years, got divorced then dated for a while. I live in FL. I started shooting in my mid 50s in 2014, when I decided I wasn't going to be a victim. I managed to get to high D in USPSA. A couple years ago I decided to focus on health and lost 35 lbs to size 34" pants using a low-carb diet and going back to the gym for weights and cardio.

I tried match.com, and luckily for me, met my (what is now) hawt wife after a few tries. :cool: We had some conversations about guns, but not being a gun guy, I had to start the journey from ground zero. She was on board with that. Fortunately I stumbled on p-f early on. That led me to my first "real" training class, Tom Givens Rangemaster two-day. It was eye-opening.

These days I keep things simple with two carry options. As a backup, around the house or at the gym / taking out the trash etc., I have my Ruger LCR. It's either in a clip-on Dark Star Gear kydex holster, or a Desantis Nemesis, in my pocket. My normal EDC is a P365X in a JM Custom Kydex AIWB 2.5, or a Vedder Pocket Locker.


In your case, honestly, it doesn't sound like things are going swimmingly, the way you've described your situation. It might sound trite, but I always say pistol-forum is where you get what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. The guys are giving you some good advice about C3 carry. I concur with getting some training to make you more at ease.

I hope you stick around the forum. Best of luck.

[UncleGabby]

I only started to concealed carry all the time about 4 years ago. Before, I carried sometimes, and went through various firearms trying to find something that I was comfortable and worked for me. Carrying condition 3 never seemed like a good idea for reasons others have explained better than I could. Further, carrying a firearm comes with a lot of liabilities and possible negative outcomes. Examples are: getting the firearm taken away from you by a very bad person who wants it more than you, getting made while carrying in a non-permissive environment, etc. I’m sure you’re smart enough to see what a lot of these bad outcomes could be.

So, if I am going to run those risks, the juice has to be worth the squeeze. I have to be proficient enough with the gun, and carry it in a manner that gives me a chance of being able to use it effectively in a life or death situation. Otherwise, why bother? Just leave it at home.

[Bucky]

Not according to the handgunlaw link I posted.



My understanding is that PA does not honor non-resident permits, so, someone from NY can't get a FL non-res and carry in PA, for example. But if you are a FL resident with a FL permit, PA honors it.

Again, IANAL. Just my opinion.

Ah, I am reminded now. PA dropped the non resident FL reciprocity. That was a big deal for my buddy’s shop, as a lot of NJ people would come take the FL class to get a permit to be able to carry in PA. In fact, I still have mine, and I moved out 20 years ago.

[G19Fan]

A friend of mine carries C3 and here's what I've learned:
-He will never spend money on training
-He will listen politely to any reasoning, and still won't get training or stop carrying C3.

Every day he gets away without needing a C1 pistol reinforces that he doesn't need one.

I have found that women respond to logic on C3 carry and are more willing to invest in training. When I ask women how they plan to fight me while getting their P365 into shooting mode, the light bulb comes on instantly. Men, not so much.

Spot on for this post. Common sense is uncommon

[G19Fan]

Two gun owning friends married women who hated guns. Soon after the ceremony, both women insisted that the husbands discard the firearms. They did so. The op can expect the same response if he marries this person.

About the op's weapon choice. I suggest he switch to a revolver. Drawing a pocket pistol and then having to rack the slide would be an example of intentional fumbling. The other guy will either kill the op or take his weapon from him. Though I still have all my marbles(?🤔), my degree of physical infirmity suggests that I may be an example of a person who might be easily disarmed. It's something to think about for me.

Had a friend go through the same thing till 2020. His wife got concerned snd realized she couldn't fight off men despite Hollywood bs. They ended up overpaying for used guns

[G19Fan]

So you'll work out for months to looks better and possibly impress people, most of whom you haven't seen in 40 years. However, you won't put in the effort to carry a gun in state of readiness. My first answer was mistaken. Quit carrying the gun and have fun with the chick. You might score at the reunion, too.

Yup. Wtf cares about the opinion of people not in their core group.

[UNM1136]

Rereading this thread I think of a couple of mindset quotes, that may seem to have become cliché over the last few decades, but still ring true to me...

"Experience is something you tend to get AFTER you need it."

"Don't confuse good luck with good tactics."

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want".- Uncle Pat

"You have the rest of your life to solve this problem"- also Uncle Pat

And my favorite addition to the last one for the slower among us..."-how long you live will depend on how well you solve the problem."

pat

[Stephanie B]

You could get a PA non-res and be legal in Philly... I suppose
https://handgunlaw.us/documents/Pennsylvania_County_Sheriffs.pdf

My one problem with PA is that they stopped allowing for mail-in notifications (moving) or renewals some years back, you have to appear at the sheriff's office to do that. If I'm driving through the Commonwealth, I try to make time to stop off in Centre County and pick up a new one.

Thank (insert name of your dear and fluffy lord here) that CT and NH allow mail-in notifications and renewals.

Anyway, back to the OP's initial post: Her house, her rules. Your choices would seem to be comply, try to persuade her to see things your way, or move on.

[RoyGBiv]

Thank (insert name of your dear and fluffy lord here) that CT and NH allow mail-in notifications and renewals.

TX licensing process is online except for initial training class and fingerprints...
Renewal notices go out about 6 months ahead of expiration. Renewal is online entirely.

Recently, about 3 weeks from renewal application to receiving the card in the mail.

/humblebrag ;)

[Jeff22]

“And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid.”

Carrying in Condition 3 is pretty much like being unarmed.

When choosing who to date, you have to find somebody culturally compatible, and that is difficult.

[JimCunn]

My solution is to carry a J-frame

[FNFAN]

“And while I never chamber a round because I think the likelihood of a AD or a ND is greater than ever having to use my weapon in a self defense situation that I couldn’t avoid.”

Carrying in Condition 3 is pretty much like being unarmed.

When choosing who to date, you have to find somebody culturally compatible, and that is difficult.

Arguably worse than being unarmed. If you're trying to draw, chamber a round and get on target, what is your adversary doing? At least unarmed you have an immediate choice of engage or withdraw and you're aware of the opponents actions.

[Jeff22]

If you’re fumbling around with retrieving an auto pistol from a pocket AND trying to chamber a round, it’s possible an adversary who knows what they’re doing and moves quickly could disarm you.

Other posters are tight. This problem might best be solved by (1.) Getting a different girlfriend and (2.) pocket carry of an air weight revolver.

[Glenn E. Meyer]

The surreptitious draw is hard enough when faced with an adversary at least in FOF. Drawing, loading, racking - impossible unless you are not being observed. When I was 'criminal' in a FOF, holding the convenience store at gun point, the dude fumbling at his pocket was just shot. On the other, when being a terrorist held at gun point by the 'law' with hands up, an airsoft pistol in the SOB was easy to draw and 'shoot' one good guy while they were chatting on having us surrendered. Then I 'died'.

[titsonritz]

Ask yourself fi this how you want to end up...

103672

[BWT]

It’d be wise to carry a gun chambered.

It’d be wise to find someone who accepted you and what you value as important enough to hear you out and pursue common ground.

You can try to work around that but eventually it’ll come to a head and avoiding this will not solve. Initiating a conflict or discussion and saying “this is what I need and why it’s important” is valuable. Are you trying to discuss this with her or just not rocking the boat at all?

I feel like this is a boat to rock because it’s important. I dunno - up to you. We’ll see how it goes.

[Stephanie B]

The surreptitious draw is hard enough when faced with an adversary at least in FOF. Drawing, loading, racking - impossible unless you are not being observed. When I was 'criminal' in a FOF, holding the convenience store at gun point, the dude fumbling at his pocket was just shot. On the other, when being a terrorist held at gun point by the 'law' with hands up, an airsoft pistol in the SOB was easy to draw and 'shoot' one good guy while they were chatting on having us surrendered. Then I 'died'.

I watched a guy demonstrate drawing and racking the slide on a Glock (thankfully, empty). On his third demonstration, he dropped the gun.

[Magsz]

C3 carry is like a daily driver that wont start.

Fucking useless.

C3 is a choice and a dumb one to boot. There is ONE reason to carry C3.

You have obtained a carry permit and have not yet taken a training course but have one scheduled with a reputable instructor that will train you on the basics of safely handling a firearm.

Other than that, there is no reason to ever carry C3.

I've never understood why people want to spend their precious time in romantic relationships where there are such vastly divergent core values. If you're just smashing that shit and your little head over rules your bigger head and its desire to self preserve then rock on. Otherwise, get out man. Go find someone that has the same sense of self preservation and appreciation for life.

I walked away from quite a few dating relationships because the individual couldn't wrap their head around my lifestyle. Yes, guns are a lifestyle as well as a core value. If that statement doesn't resonate with you, to each their own but whether you want to acknowledge it or not, carrying concealed is a responsibility to yourself AND the public. DON'T half ass it.

[DDTSGM]

Since the OP hasn't been active in this thread since 3/31 - nearly a month - at this point we seem to be screaming at clouds. :rolleyes:

[Joe in PNG]

Since the OP hasn't been active in this thread since 3/31 - nearly a month - at this point we seem to be screaming at clouds. :rolleyes:

People asking questions with the goal of seeking validation for choices already made is a sadly common occurrence.

[Stephanie B]

Since the OP hasn't been active in this thread since 3/31 - nearly a month - at this point we seem to be screaming at clouds. :rolleyes:

New to the Internet, Pilgrim? :p

[Archer1440]

Since the OP hasn't been active in this thread since 3/31 - nearly a month - at this point we seem to be screaming at clouds. :rolleyes:

[DDTSGM]

New to the Internet, Pilgrim? :p

Yes, and I:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3-5YC_oHjE

[UNM1136]

Yes, and I:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3-5YC_oHjE

Thanks, Dan! Exactly what I needed today...


pat

[Crusader]

Concealed means concealed, I never ask for permission and I never tell anyone ‘oh by the way, I have a gun on me’. It’s need to know and I’m the only one that needs to know.

Of course during physical contact she might discover it, but then again it’s really simple for me. My Glock, Sig, 1911, etc that is with me. Means more to me then you do, so if your asking me to choose. Well it’s been nice knowing you.

[ObiWan]

During my early college years I had a gf that didn’t like my hobbies: guns and flying. I started seeing it as a control issue. She wanted to control me. Didn’t happen. Later a different gf, tolerated flying and reluctantly tolerated guns. When her roommate started getting harassed by a big corrections officer my gf asked me to spend more time at her home - with my gun. We later split up but my interests weren’t the reason.
A few years later I met a very nice lady, took her shooting, took her flying, both went well. We’ve been married 38 years.

[titsonritz]

Concealed means concealed, I never ask for permission and I never tell anyone ‘oh by the way, I have a gun on me’. It’s need to know and I’m the only one that needs to know.

Of course during physical contact she might discover it, but then again it’s really simple for me. My Glock, Sig, 1911, etc that is with me. Means more to me then you do, so if your asking me to choose. Well it’s been nice knowing you.

This is where I stand.