A Generation of Pussies

[Stephanie B]

Not opening presents is less stressful?

https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/not-open-gifts-at-a-kids-birthday-party/

[JRB]

Astounding levels of idiocy. Utterly astounding.

[Joe in PNG]

My great aunt was happy if she got an apple for her birthday- not a common thing in Depression era rural Florida.

Happily, I'm convinced that a good number of kids are being raised like most normal kids by parents that don't read this sort of codswallop.

Edit to add:
I've also become convinced that stupid parenting advice posted on the internet has nothing to do with actual child raising, and everything to do with parental virtue signaling. That article pretty much screams "I'm better than you!"

[0ddl0t]

Not seeing the problem as long as the parents communicate those expectations in the invitation, as the article suggests.

[SeriousStudent]

I am quite involved in my granddaughter's upbringing. She's seven and a half years old and she can:

Cut up a fryer and make chicken and dumplings.
Help change a car tire.
Sharpen a 6" French knife.
Load Glock magazines.
Make a Powerpoint slide deck with pictures of her favorite animals for school.
Make pancakes from scratch.
Trim a dog's nails.
Put a DVD back in the storage shelf in alphabetical order. (Unlike her mother....)

And she loves wrapping and opening presents.

[AZgunguy]

It's dumbshit like this that makes me furious. Per the wingnut left, I shouldn't be here because I rode in a car without a carseat or a seltbelt even, I played tag and football on the playground, I opened presents at Christmas AND birthdays and saw other kids open presents on their birthdays. I shouldn't have survived.

How about telling your kid if they complain about, "Why didn't I get a present to open?" You can say, "Because, dumbass, it's not your birthday!!!!"

[LOKNLOD]

We've skipped present-opening at some birthday parties. Mostly it's a matter of practicality. If we're at an event center type place, the kids are all usually running around doing something fun in a space we've paid for them to run around doing something fun. Why make them stop just so they can watch my kid get goodies? Let 'em play.


Can the gift-giving be a little stressful, if you let it? Sure. Mostly for the parents, not the kids. You mix socioeconomic groups a bit and there's always a risk to somebody's feelings over value, cool factor, whatever. You know what? That's how kids learn to become functional adults who know how to navigate a complicated landscape. Hiding it from them just makes it more awkward later.

If there's one thing good about that 'article', though, it's the suggestion to write thank-you notes. That's a lost art.

[Chance]

In all fairness, I hated being the center of attention at birthday parties when I was a kid. So I told my parents I didn't want parties anymore, and they were more than happy to oblige.

In fact, I probably haven't had a birthday party in... twenty-five years. Just give me the presents and leave me alone.

[RevolverRob]

In fact, I probably haven't had a birthday party in... twenty-five years. Just give me the presents and leave me alone.

Shit I haven't had a birthday present that wasn't from myself in probably 15-years.

My oldest nephew had a birthday party, they all brought gifts but the kids were too busy playing capture the flag Nerf gun battles in the front yard to worry about presents.

[Joe in PNG]

In all fairness, I hated being the center of attention at birthday parties when I was a kid. So I told my parents I didn't want parties anymore, and they were more than happy to oblige.

In fact, I probably haven't had a birthday party in... twenty-five years. Just give me the presents and leave me alone.

I've done Ron Swanson parties for my birthday. Lots of good steak, good scotch, and solitude.

[Robinson]

How the hell did I raise my kids without that website to steer me right?

[UNM1136]

Wow. Like wow. The asshattery and potential, butthurt are there, but are they real?

Where is graciousness, tolerance, and understanding these days?

pat

[Hambo]

Not opening presents is less stressful?

https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/not-open-gifts-at-a-kids-birthday-party/

Her kid, her rules. I doubt the fall of humanity rests on whether a kid opens presents in front of others or not.

[camsdaddy]

My kids care way more about having friends come to the house to swim or whatever than any gift they might bring. My kids have far more than I did as a child. I hate the gift givin portion of birthdays and Christmas. People spend money on things that will rarely if ever see use and it distracts from the celebration to me.

[mmc45414]

My high school English teachers emphasized that utilizing words repetitively in two consecutive sentences was poor form, especially words like "mindful" and "compassionate".

[CCT125US]

Last year our kids asked for donations to the local humane society instead of gifts. Guests filled the bed of an F350. Each year at Christmas, I video the opening of gifts. Got real frustrated upon viewing the recordings, that most of the gifts had sat unused for sometime. Things changed after that, more practical gifts and useful items.

[willie]

My high school English teachers emphasized that utilizing words repetitively in two consecutive sentences was poor form, especially words like "mindful" and "compassionate".

Redundant use. Bloated language.

[the Schwartz]

My high school English teachers emphasized that utilizing words repetitively in two consecutive sentences was poor form, especially words like "mindful" and "compassionate".

Downright tautological, ain't it? :cool:

[mmc45414]

Got real frustrated upon viewing the recordings
I should show you the video of my friend unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning, it is just fifteen seconds of pure joy that will restore your faith in humanity!
The gift was an AR-15, and the friend is fifty five years old... :)

[fixer]

yeah that is a load virtue signaling there...

all that fuss over ensuring you have a present free birthday can be saved by coaching your kids to simply be happy and supportive of the other kid whose birthday party it is.

[MistWolf]

Birthday presents is a formalized way to practice the good social etiquette we're supposed to be learning. Yes, it can be painful to be grateful receiving but it teaches us grace. It also teaches us to be more mindful when we ourselves give a gift. It can be painful when we give someone something they have no clue what to do with or feel inadequate giving something that's "all we can afford". But not doing so robs us of the opportunity to get it right. Sometimes a thoughtful cheap gift, or a gift handmade made with more friendship than skill is received better than an expensive well crafted gift. Not giving gifts or opening them at the party may save a child from disappointment, but it also robs people of the opportunity for joy.

Everyone should make their own traditions for gift giving, parties and celebrations, but the article wasn't about that. It was about making birthday parties dull and joyless because the author is feeling sorry for their self.

[Gray01]

the opportunity for joy...Everyone should make their own traditions for gift giving, parties and celebrations

Since "shoulds" are in play for "everyone", then I would suggest that "joy" is the responsibility of the person (desiring to indulge in that and any other emotion) and does not source itself upon the response of others.

The premise of a gift is quite subjective; is the desire to please oneself, or the receiver of the gift? If the latter, why then should the givers enjoyment be an element of the gift?

The "should" of "Everyone should make their own traditions" could include traditions of less or none, both in receiving or giving, simply because of no desire to do so.

[MistWolf]

Since "shoulds" are in play for "everyone", then I would suggest that "joy" is the responsibility of the person (desiring to indulge in that and any other emotion) and does not source itself upon the response of others.
"Everyone should" means "It's your choice". You don't have to give or receive gifts because MistWolf says you do or don't. It's your life, make it up as you go along.


The premise of a gift is quite subjective; is the desire to please oneself, or the receiver of the gift? If the latter, why then should the givers enjoyment be an element of the gift?
Gift giving is about both. I'm happy when I can give someone a gift they can enjoy. I'm happy when the gift I get makes the giver feel good. I'm even happier when the gift I get makes me feel good. It's part of being human. If the gift giving doesn't work out as hoped, such is life. But it's better than never giving a gift because people might be disappointed.


The "should" of "Everyone should make their own traditions" could include traditions of less or none, both in receiving or giving, simply because of no desire to do so.
Exactly. If not giving or receiving gifts brings you and yours joy, go for it. That in itself is a gift.

But not giving or receiving gifts just to avoid disappointment is a cheerless way to live.

[OlongJohnson]

I got a dirt bike for my birthday when I turned 35. My mom couldn't say no anymore, and my best friend had told me a few weeks earlier that I'd have fun if I did. He was right. It wasn't literally on my birthday, but close enough.

[jc000]

While that article was obviously written by and for terrible people, I think opening presents “ceremonially” at a kid’s birthday party is pretty gauche. I feel it’s classiest to graciously accept the (wrapped) gift and then follow-up with a personalized hand-written note.

There are a lot of other things much more disturbing that parents today do, such as outsourcing the raising in their kids to video games and Apple product.

[rob_s]

While that article was obviously written by and for terrible people, I think opening presents “ceremonially” at a kid’s birthday party is pretty gauche. I feel it’s classiest to graciously accept the (wrapped) gift and then follow-up with a personalized hand-written note.

There are a lot of other things much more disturbing that parents today do, such as outsourcing the raising in their kids to video games and Apple product.

Totally agree.

People are all wrapped up in the “why” of what the article is stating, but we don’t open gifts at a kids party either, and I can’t remember the last time we attended one where everyone was made to sit around and watch some twerp open up their new Brats doll.

Kids parties for us are generally a pretty big deal, with multi generations, bounce house, snow cones, swimming in the pool, etc. it is way more fun for everyone involved and we’ve had 50 people at our house for a kid’s birthday party. I’m not going to put the brakes on all that and make everyone watch her open a bunch of gifts. That’s why people, grownups included (especially?), actually look forward to coming to our kids birthday parties and don’t dread them like they (and we) do everyone else’s. Oh, yay, come sit at the bowling alley and try to holler over the music while talking about the latest banal shit from the school... no.

And I frankly don’t care if you arrive with a gift or not.

[hufnagel]

we don't have the kid open presents during his party, mostly because he's too busy running around shooting cardboard creepers with the dozen or so nerf guns we brought out, or they're smashing the pinata, or they're chasing each other, or they're eating food/cake/ice cream, etc. he should be spending time with his friends/family.

[jwperry]

My wife is the type who wants to have all the pictures when our kids open presents. She always invites all the elderly family members who seem to expect this type of event.

I'm the one who always states "no gifts" to our friends. My kids get too much stuff from the family anyways and most of the gifts delivered never get opened; I'll wait until Toys-for-Tots at Christmas time and drop off all the gifts they never cared about/opened. I don't see a point in having people bring gifts so that I can store them until Christmas for re-distribution.

I personally prefer my friends' parties who don't have the spectacle of opening gifts.