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View Full Version : Being both Cautious and Friendly



GRV
03-21-2016, 10:34 AM
It seems to be both safe and effective, police in making person encounters need to do two things:

1) They need to develop rapport in order to maximize the effectiveness of their investigation. They need to be friendly, relate to the person, and make the person feel comfortable, trusted, and understood. This is regardless of whether the person is a criminal, a witness, or whatever. They need to adapt their personality to the person in question.

2) They need to remain cautious and "switched on", lest they make themselves tactically vulnerable and end up far down the reacting side of the curve in the event that the person, or a third party, decides to become hostile. This involves maintaining proper interview position, and so on.

I've done a few roleplaying training scenarios where I've seen myself fail on either of these issues. It seems pretty easy to be "switched on" and be a robot professional. It also seems easy in many cases (although requires skill and experience in general) to connect with people and basically develop a temporary perceived friendship. But I'm finding that it is hard to do both. It is very easy to get mentally submersed in the latter mindset and very quickly end up letting your guard down, dropping your hands, or taking a vulnerable position. It strikes me as very human. When developing rapport with someone, we naturally do things like mirror them and show physical signs of openness.

It seems to me that this creates a dangerous switching dynamic. You're either in one mode or the other, and in either case you're probably working extremely sub-optimally. Moreover, the switch can't be thrown quick enough when it has to be.

Instead, it seems that one has to show all the outward signs of (1) while maintaining all the inward mindset of (2). This is something which seems totally contrary to nature, as demonstrated by the fact any cop with enough experience can read a person's inner mindset off their outward physical actions.

For those with experience, do you have any tips on how to develop and maintain this elusive simultaneous state?

BehindBlueI's
03-21-2016, 01:15 PM
Reading body language, verbal and non verbal indicators, etc. This is hard in role play because indicators are absent or seriously muted. Training on recognizing pre-attack indicators and the confidence that comes with experience and successful use will help tremendously.

You don't have to treat everyone the same, and you don't have to treat the same person the same at all times.

Chuck Haggard
03-21-2016, 01:19 PM
You can indeed do both at the same time. It's also a learned skill. Too many cops don't figure out that you can be very "tactical" without being an asshole, or friendly without being unsafe.

TC215
03-21-2016, 01:25 PM
I worked interstate interdiction for a couple years before I went to narcotics. That's where I really learned to do both well at the same time.

pablo
03-21-2016, 01:38 PM
There's never any reason that an officer "needs" to be friendly to anyone on a call. Be professional and as polite and courteous as the person he's dealing with will allow. He's not there to coddle people, he's there to do an investigation. That doesn't mean act like a bag dicks either. If an officer wants to be friendly that's his business, if he wants to be robot professional that's his business too, but ultimately that should be up to the officer to decide.

It's much easier to show up switched on and then take it down a couple notches if the situation warrants, then try to take it up a couple notches after things go south.

KeeFus
03-21-2016, 06:01 PM
I worked interstate interdiction for a couple years before I went to narcotics. That's where I really learned to do both well at the same time.

^^^This. If you wanna get into cars via consent you learn both.

GRV
03-22-2016, 10:24 AM
Are there any tips or advice you have for learning/training this skill, or is it just Experience?

TC215
03-22-2016, 11:07 AM
When I was starting out, it helped me to watch other, more experienced officers who were good at it.

BaiHu
03-22-2016, 01:10 PM
Are there any tips or advice you have for learning/training this skill, or is it just Experience?

Have you done any MUC work with SouthNarc?

pablo
03-22-2016, 02:05 PM
Are there any tips or advice you have for learning/training this skill, or is it just Experience?

I don't think it's possible to effectively train personality. Pretending to be friendly person, when you're not is going to backfire. If the goal is to communicate effectively with people and build trust, you'll very quickly run out of friendly BS to dish out and back yourself into a corner as a disingenuous asshole. Criminals spend their entire lives trying manipulate people, they may not realize it but they are masters at reading other people, you're not going to fool them by being something you are not.

If you're not a friendly person don't worry about it, there are plenty of great cops that would loose a personality contest to a pine board. It really doesn't matter.

GRV
03-22-2016, 02:22 PM
Have you done any MUC work with SouthNarc?

No. Good point.

BehindBlueI's
03-22-2016, 03:25 PM
I don't think it's possible to effectively train personality. Pretending to be friendly person, when you're not is going to backfire. If the goal is to communicate effectively with people and build trust, you'll very quickly run out of friendly BS to dish out and back yourself into a corner as a disingenuous asshole. Criminals spend their entire lives trying manipulate people, they may not realize it but they are masters at reading other people, you're not going to fool them by being something you are not.

Pretending and getting caught at it makes you look like a disingenuous asshole. Pretending and doing it convincingly makes you a good interviewer/interrogator. If you don't have a hand full of personalities and approaches based on your read of the interviewee you are leaving information and confessions on the table. It absolutely is something that you can train for and put into practice. If you have a Crimes Against Children unit, watch them in action. They are usually top shelf at this sort of thing.

Erik
03-22-2016, 04:46 PM
If you're not a friendly person don't worry about it, there are plenty of great cops that would loose a personality contest to a pine board. It really doesn't matter.

As a civilian, I couldn't agree with this more. I'm not naturally friendly to strangers and I really don't care. I am polite for exactly as long as I feel it is appropriate. If I am asking a stranger for something (directions would be typical), I approach respectfully and I remain polite. If they are not receptive, I disengage. If somebody asks me for something, I am polite if it's appropriate (directions, again) and firm without being an asshole, escalating to assertive when polite is not appropriate (pan handlers, for example). I'm not interested in starting fights with people, but I really don't care if a stranger who approached me without being invited to leaves thinking I'm a dick. That doesn't mean I haven't had plenty of friendly conversations with people I didn't know, and even struck up some acquaintances but overall, that's not my goal and I don't care who does or doesn't like it.

pablo
03-23-2016, 12:57 AM
Pretending and getting caught at it makes you look like a disingenuous asshole. Pretending and doing it convincingly makes you a good interviewer/interrogator. If you don't have a hand full of personalities and approaches based on your read of the interviewee you are leaving information and confessions on the table. It absolutely is something that you can train for and put into practice. If you have a Crimes Against Children unit, watch them in action. They are usually top shelf at this sort of thing.

I'm not sure what any of that has to do with being friendly.

I did work crimes against children, specifically child prostitution. I don't think for a minute that trying to put on a pretend personality and dealing with a soul sucking pimp who finds boys and girls off the street, takes them in as a parent figure, and then turns them into prostitutes is going to be fooled and not see through the charade. That's a master manipulator and reader of people. I think a detective can fine tune his methods to work with his personality, but the pretend personality thing is just putting lipstick on a pig.

When can pretend a lot of things, just because we get away with it most of the time, doesn't make it a good idea.

Poconnor
03-23-2016, 12:20 PM
It's a learned skill. But just like all the other skills a police officer learns you have to want to learn it and work hard at it. I had great success being friendly but understanding that I'm not friends with my "clients". Criminals understand it too and with criminals it helps to set the tone right from the first contact. Be respectful but make sure you will not tolerate any of their bullshit. Once they understand they cannot slip by you it's surprising the information they will give you. My mindset was "here is a criminal; evidenced by the crime they just committed and by their arrest record. They have made crime a life style. They have info about many crimes And I want that info. Telling them that you want the guy who fucked them over and asking them who will be banging their woman while they are locked up will often get you good leads. I will admit that I had more success being friendly than being joe Friday. Of course you have start out as a hard ass but then a can of soda during an interview can surprise you with results and confessions. My advice to new officers is if your not getting confessions your not talking to your suspects enough or qt a level the suspect can understand. Learn family trees of your local criminals ties in too