Terrible training thread # 3491: Detroit's Mall Ninja Academy

[fuse]

http://www.everydaynodaysoff.com/2011/08/19/vipers-academy-for-hsld-operators/

At least there are no actual firearms...

[Slavex]

I wonder if we could get a forum group discount for training?

[turbolag23]

sweet thats not too far from me. there are plenty of malls around here i could ninja around after!

[SCBradley]

That's the kind of awesome training facility and curriculum I would have designed...


...when I was eight.

[Mitchell, Esq.]

Wow.

I've been wasting my time shooting real guns from street clothing. I need a ninja outfit and airsoft NOW!

[will_1400]

Why do I have this sudden urge to send these clowns a reccommendation to go to a few of SouthNarc's classes?

[TCinVA]

Have you seen video of them doing a "maritime rescue"??

They're the best comedy troupe I've ever seen.

[JFK]

Its like the Second City of the firearms world.

[beltjones]

Please, stop. I'm begging you guys. I just can't take anymore facepalms.

[SCBradley]

At least there are no actual firearms...

Behold V.I.P.E.R. #109's demonstration of "Tactical Firing Positions".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqLYtuU9quY&feature=player_profilepage

ETA: I seem to remember Tamara mentioning something about tiger-stripe camo and it's relationship with goobers in a previous thread.

[ToddG]

The eleven second transition to pistol was the part that taught me the most...

[Mitchell, Esq.]

I love the lack of comments for the videos.

How they expect to not be laughed at I do not know.

Do they really think they are serious?

[JFK]

I like their outfits......

[SCBradley]

Their "Tactical Law" lecture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLAmeFyGD_M&feature=player_profilepage

My favorite part is the grown man dressed like a little kid playing GI Joe telling the audience that the first step in self protection is "awareness of self".

[will_1400]

The eleven second transition to pistol was the part that taught me the most...

That and a Condition 3 1911. Looks like they've been well-trained by the Israelis.

[LOKNLOD]

I like this one, with the new three rules of gun safety ETA: link was all fubared: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC1JRIHh0a4&feature=related

[Creeper9]

I'm disappointed. They didn't show the proper way to deal with the window washer guy doing the crack dance at 6 mile and John R. He's always buggin me. Wonder if that's covered in the Tactical Windex Evasion Class??

[ToddG]

While "acknowledged sir" isn't bad, anyone who's been through AFHF can tell you that I prefer, "Your wish is my command, m'lord."

[Creeper9]

Since they aren't too far away from me I went to their site to see what they are about.

This is good.


Threat / homocide map of Detroit.
http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/Threat-Map.html

Is this per day or week? or hour??


Is there a reason he's standing like he has to go #2 while firing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeKCWs1Q87M&feature=player_embedded

Could this be what they mean by a "round dump?"

[Slavex]

wow, I've seen some stupid shit, but this pretty much is top of the pile. I forced myself to watch a bunch of their videos, like the blindfolded tower climb, the knife disarms, and the knife throwing etc. Incredibly stupid, Tosh.0 worthy honestly.
And wtf is this "online sir" bullshit?

[fuse]

And wtf is this "online sir" bullshit?

Reminds me of people who for whatever reason never joined the military or became a law enforcement officer, but always wanted to and thought it would have been cool.

Like the blogger says, it's like the people on camera don't know that it's supposed to be a joke. It all has a very "the Office" for gun forum nerds feel to it.

[ubervic]

Like the blogger says, it's like the people on camera don't know that it's supposed to be a joke. It all has a very "the Office" for gun forum nerds feel to it.

So very THIS.

[Chris Rhines]

Dear God. I just nearly choked on my omelet watching video #4.

I can't get The Blue Danube Waltz out of my head... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4KSRDXthqQ&feature=player_embedded

"All clear on line, sir! Except for my finger!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mogiZ2Ai1po&feature=player_embedded

I'd like to think that this whole arrangement is just some kind of scam, but I'm probably being too optimistic...

-C

[TGS]

You know what is really hilarious is the comments about it being in Detroit and that special relation to Robocop.....really! These guys are living out their child-hood Robocop dreams, their shiny logo even reminds me of OmniCorps(?) or whatever the giant corporation was.

Next thing you know we'll be seeing underground tactical ninja schools with logo's like Umbrella from Resident Evil....

You know it's ridiculous when their firearms training videos features a .50AE Desert Eagle......

[TCinVA]

I theorized that this is where all those disposable paramilitary bad guys from action movies come from.

[MechEng]

Why did they choose a modified BioHazard symbol (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_hazard) as there official logo (http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/)? Are they trying to tell us something?

Also, I'm surprised only 183 people like them on face book. I half expected that number to be higher.

[MechEng]

Fox news did a story on them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EcQJyIuxRs&feature=related

[SCBradley]

http://www.youtube.com/user/VIPERSACADEMY#p/u/261/zO-q0J2ApXE

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do a sweep of my AO to make sure it's Compliance Level 1 before emptying the mail receptacle on the exterior of my stronghold. There have been reports of opfor in this sector intercepting correspondence delivery in order to commit identity theft.

[Slavex]

you know the more I watch this, the more I think this has to be a joke. Like others have said, kind of like the Office or something. There is just too much content that would otherwise serve no purpose in being posted online. An AAR on escorting a woman to her stronghold??? seriously?

[Mitchell, Esq.]

While "acknowledged sir" isn't bad, anyone who's been through AFHF can tell you that I prefer, "Your wish is my command, m'lord."

"By your command." a la Battlestar Galactica would be better...

[JConn]

So say we all...

[mnealtx]

"By your command." a la Battlestar Galactica would be better...

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw his post, too.... ;)

[fuse]

So say we all...

I think at the end of every drill they should say "end of line"






like the hybrids. (http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Hybrid)

[will_1400]

An when they throw a shot due to El Snatcho rearing his ugly mug they can say "This gun is a fracking piece of shit!!"

[MechEng]

you know the more I watch this, the more I think this has to be a joke. Like others have said, kind of like the Office or something. There is just too much content that would otherwise serve no purpose in being posted online. An AAR on escorting a woman to her stronghold??? seriously?

I get the same vibe as well. It's like "The Office" and "Reno 911" combined only without intentionally being comical. Sadly I think these guys are for real and a modern for-profit Detroit version of the Guardian Angels (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardian_Angels).

[Tamara]

Fox news did a story on them.
You have got to be shitting me. Please tell me you're shitting me.

{clicks YouTube link}

You weren't shitting me. :eek:

[ToddG]

"By your command." a la Battlestar Galactica would be better...

And henceforth all AFHF students will be known as toasters...

[gtmtnbiker98]

And henceforth all AFHF students will be known as toasters...WTF is a "toaster?" Not following on this one, feel free to "slap" and awaken me....

[Mitchell, Esq.]

By your command.

[NickA]

WTF is a "toaster?" Not following on this one, feel free to "slap" and awaken me....

In the newer version of Battlestar the metal cylons were referred to as toasters. You might actually be cooler for not knowing this.
ETA: for AFHF perhaps a group "Ahooa" like the Spartans in 300, or if you want freak Todd out in a ghey sort of way "As you wish" a la The Princess Bride.

[will_1400]

So say we all.

[Mitchell, Esq.]

By the Lords of Kobol, so say we all!

Todd's mind when he runs a F.A.S.T. drill:

"DRADIS contact! F.A.S.T. Target bearing 000, carom 020. Consistant speed, holding range at Two One Feet"

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is a timed drill."

"Pistol-Training Actual to CIC. Pistol-Training Actual to CIC."

"The release of 9mm FMJ has been authorized!"

[fuse]

By the Lords of Kobol, so say we all!

Todd's mind when he runs a F.A.S.T. drill:

"DRADIS contact! F.A.S.T. Target bearing 000, carom 020. Consistant speed, holding range at Two One Feet"

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is a timed drill."

"Pistol-Training Actual to CIC. Pistol-Training Actual to CIC."

"The release of 9mm FMJ has been authorized!"

And a sub 5 second run gets you acquainted with 6. For intelligence gathering purposes.

You have to know your enemy.

[ToddG]

Never should have started a forum....

[gtmtnbiker98]

Never should have started a forum....Nice to know that you are "loved!" As for the 300 deal, I'll pass - don't have the abs for it anyway.

[Chuck Haggard]

http://www.youtube.com/user/VIPERSACADEMY#p/u/261/zO-q0J2ApXE

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do a sweep of my AO to make sure it's Compliance Level 1 before emptying the mail receptacle on the exterior of my stronghold. There have been reports of opfor in this sector intercepting correspondence delivery in order to commit identity theft.


That was pure awesome. Reminds me of how I used to lecture rookies on report writing, "You don't have to write "I then exited my mobile enforcement vehicle", it's OK to say "I got out of the car"..."

[NickA]

Nice to know that you are "loved!" As for the 300 deal, I'll pass - don't have the abs for it anyway.

I thought it was funny when I typed it but now you have me picturing a shirtless AFHF class and wanting to bleach my eyes.

[Tamara]

http://www.youtube.com/user/VIPERSACADEMY#p/u/1/QPziVdB6HxU

This one is awesome. The V.I.P.E.R.S. Academy "core values" are this wonderful amalgam of the USMC's Eleven General Orders, Starfleet Officer's Handbook, and Asimov's Three Laws Of Robotics.

Memorize this stuff and you're a Wing Commander in the Royal Manticoran Space Marines!

[Mitchell, Esq.]

Memorize this stuff and you're a Wing Commander in the Royal Manticoran Space Marines!

Considering Todd owns the forum, doesn't that make him more equivalent to a Greyson Steadholder - and thus in the service of The Protector in the GSN rather serving in the Manticorian Marines?

If we are going to "geek up" on Todd using the Honorverse, I think we need to go according to cannon as per David Weber.:cool:

[ubervic]

Sorry, but I just can't accept that grown men/women would behave in this manner on camera, posted to YouTube, unless it's a deep-cover parody.

Let's just say I suspend disbelief for a moment. Ok, then what purpose do these videos serve if the individuals are 100% serious and not kidding about what they say and do? Why film the odd techniques and commentary? Who are they trying to reach with these clips, and what are they trying to accomplish in doing so?

I don't get it.

[fuse]

Sorry, but I just can't accept that grown men/women would behave in this manner on camera, posted to YouTube, unless it's a deep-cover parody.

Let's just say I suspend disbelief for a moment. Ok, then what purpose do these videos serve if the individuals are 100% serious and not kidding about what they say and do? Why film the odd techniques and commentary? Who are they trying to reach with these clips, and what are they trying to accomplish in doing so?

I don't get it.

Ignorance of the masses my friend.

They walk the walk, they talk the talk. They wear the urban camo.

They seem pretty damn legit to the average person, I bet.

[SCBradley]

Sorry, but I just can't accept that grown men/women would behave in this manner on camera, posted to YouTube, unless it's a deep-cover parody.

Let's just say I suspend disbelief for a moment. Ok, then what purpose do these videos serve if the individuals are 100% serious and not kidding about what they say and do? Why film the odd techniques and commentary? Who are they trying to reach with these clips, and what are they trying to accomplish in doing so?

I don't get it.

Never attribute to conspiracy that which can be explained by simple stupidity.

They have 8-10 members, a HQ, a hummer, a killer party barge, a viper-cycle, 400+ videos on youtube, and a website, on which promotional material of them with mayoral candidates can be found.

If this is a joke, it's the deepest and most costly troll I've ever seen.

ETA: On one video, one of their V.I.P.E.R. candidates says he is there on an internship from the University of Michigan Dearborn criminal justice program. I tried to call and find out if they let students intern there, but they were closed for the day.

[mnealtx]

http://www.youtube.com/user/VIPERSACADEMY#p/u/1/QPziVdB6HxU

This one is awesome. The V.I.P.E.R.S. Academy "core values" are this wonderful amalgam of the USMC's Eleven General Orders, Starfleet Officer's Handbook, and Asimov's Three Laws Of Robotics.

Memorize this stuff and you're a Wing Commander in the Royal Manticoran Space Marines!


Considering Todd owns the forum, doesn't that make him more equivalent to a Greyson Steadholder - and thus in the service of The Protector in the GSN rather serving in the Manticorian Marines?

If we are going to "geek up" on Todd using the Honorverse, I think we need to go according to cannon as per David Weber.:cool:

Well, he *is* "The Tester", is he not? :p

[Mitchell, Esq.]

Well, he *is* "The Tester", is he not? :p

"So say we all!"

[Occam's Razor]

The only thing I can say at this point is "Thank You". Had a rough day up to this point, and watching that maelstrom of madness had me laughing so hard the dog came to see what was so damn funny.

[Noleshooter]

Who's laughing now? Finally getting the recognition they deserve...


http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/02/05/020512-news-detroit-vigilantes-1-5/


:D

[Slavex]

I want to know what kind of armed security I can get for $10 a month?

[NickA]

I want to know what kind of armed security I can get for $10 a month?

About half a box of Gold Dots ;-)

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk