Advice on joining the military

[WDW]

For everyone-

Thank you for your replies. I truly appreciate it.

For everyone warning of joining during a drawdown, could you please expand on your reasonings?

Because if you're not deployed, deploying, or working up to deploy, life generally sucks. You see, there's this thing called bullshit & the further away you are from a deployment, the closer you are to it, especially in the Marines. Some of the absolute biggest, most worthless dickheaded douchicans I ever encountered were peacetime careerists who hadn't the faintest clue as to what made a unit run as a well oiled cohesive team. It's hard to explain, just know you'll regret it.

[Trooper224]

The military in general is a very blue collar enterprise, with all the negative that implies. When I enlisted my wife and I had already been married for three years. We were full time college students with two babies to feed and that wasn't working. I was a military brat so I knew that world when I enlisted and I did so solely to put food on the table, not from any naivete about giving back. My service was a great experience, but I went into knowing they saw me as an expendable asset that could be used up and cast aside. Uncle Sugar will f*** you over in the blink of an eye and never look sideways at you. Even though we were already married, the long separations caused by deployments were hard. I was extremely lucky in that I married a great and true woman, she kept things together while I was gone and I freely admit hers was the hardest job in the deal. She even served as my ships Ombudsman (the liason between the command and dependents). Still, it was a real test of our marriage.

Enlisting and trying to start and build a relationship at the same time is an invitation to disaster. I saw it many times during my service and it never worked, not even once. No matter how much the two of you have talked it through, neither one of you knows what you're in for. She's all supportive now and god bless her for it, but she ain't got a clue and neither do you. Before you decide on which high speed low drag commando you want to be, you need to first decide which is more important to you: your relationship or your desire to live your male fantasy. You won't be able to have both. If it's the former then find another way to contribute. If it's the latter do both of you a favor and go your separate ways now.

You have a civil engineering degree? Give back by building homes for the poor or something else where you can be home every night. It won't get you in the news with the Prez pinning a medal on you in the White House, or a movie about you starring Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch, but you will be giving back with the added bonus of a healthy life at home. An old friend of mine was in Special Forces during Vietnam. He was a great guy but had the typical multiple divorces in his background. His oldest son was bound and determined to follow in his footsteps and I remember something he said to him once, "Son I can shoot straighter and throw a grenade farther than anyone else on the block, but it won't help me find a job." There's a lot of truth in that.

I'm not try to rain on your parade, but you did ask.

[USAF422]

I'm just going to add a few points as a newly commissioned 2nd Lt in the USAF. I commissioned from AFROTC and have no prior military expierence. From my childhood I always wanted to be an officer in the military. For some reason I never thought about being enlisted. I did Civil Air Patrol through high school to try and learn/practice some leadership and chose a college with AFROTC. There is a signifcant difference in lifestyle between enlisted and officer. One of the biggest things I have learned so far is that the military pays you as an officer to be a leader. I may be a Security Forces Officer but more important then my job is the O before my 1. This means that the cool door kicked badassery is not as accessible as an officer especially when moving up in rank because of the leadership responsibilities. So I think it requires a different mindset when chosing to be an officer one that puts aside that desire for badassness for one to be a better leader/manager. Also I have found that you really cant stop being an Officer. The time commitments that come from leading a 50 person flight is extraordinary and will only increase with rank (without good NCOs I would be dead in the water). If thats not something that interests you then being an officer may not be for you and thats alright as others have stated.

As for lady friend I requires a strong women to put up with the military lifestyle, it requires independence and acceptance of the fact you may not be there when she needs you the most. My wife is also a 2nd Lt nurse and we were fortunate enough to get a join spouse assignment so we could be stationed together but we have come to terms with the fact that it may not happen every PCS.

[23JAZ]

I cannot give advice on joining the military. I considered the Marine Corps at the end of my undergraduate days, but chose my wife instead. I think your intentions are highly honorable, but I hope you recognize that you are not alone in making this decision and that your future wife and marriage may be compromised by pursuing your dream. I love pursuing dreams, I think everyone should, if possible. Pursuing your dreams is hard, under the best of circumstances. Maybe I am wrong, but based on many of the responses here, you're proposing to make it harder, not easier. And not only are you proposing to do it the hard way, you are potentially involving a partner in the mix.

I guess my point is, don't make it harder, by sacrificing your hard fought advantages (degree). It may be your dream to have the "blue collar" style work. I understand, I am the son of a blue collar man, I drove a work truck everyday from 16-21 and periodically from 21-25 during my undergrad days. Today, even though I sit behind a desk most days, I go find opportunities to get dirt under my nails (literally). I am not living my boyhood dream exactly, but I am living it mostly, and the compromises I made, let me have strong, healthy, relationships, with people I love. I compromised portions of my dream to have a dream life.

You have highly honorable intentions, but as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Whatever you do, I strongly recommend you find a solution that allows you to achieve as much of your dream as possible, without simultaneously compromising value of life. It is possible and several ways are described here, mainly those that have you seek a commission as an officer.

Best of luck!

-Rob

+1000

[Mike Honcho]

Or, you could just not want to be an officer. I had an ROTC scholarship and learned that for the career field I wanted, Os didn't really do anything. I dropped out and enlisted and don't regret the decision at all. Now that I'm out and back in school, my advisor is constantly giving me grief about being an officer. It won't happen. If I ever go back in I'll do so as an enlisted man. Being an NCO suits me just fine.

So you won't make as much money, may have a harder go of it being married, and may have to suffer the horror of interacting with unwashed non-college educated teens. Who gives a shit? I think you're on the right track as an enlistee given your stated goals and motivation.

If you want to be a TACP in the AF, you pretty much have to enlist. There's ALOs now, but the heavy lifting of the career field is the E side.

[JHC]

My heart wants alot of things. Figuring out what I want the most is the hardest part. Whatever I decide to do, I'll be damn good at it. Thank you for your insight.

IMO you've gotten some good advice and some bad. All well meaning. I think SeanM's advice best to the near exclusion of every other post. I'm depressed by defacto insults to the motivations of a degreed person enlisting. Army SF has a fuckton of guys with degrees that enlisted. Because it's a better job!

Married life in the Mil is so tough the divorce rate is approaching that of civilians. Life anywhere has its challenges. I associate with a lot of Infantry and their wives and girlfriends. Suggestions that few of them have beautiful relationships would come as quite a shock to most of them.

If you have a dream and shelve it to be economically sensible to those who don't share your dream make room for a hole in your chest you will carry for your days. You are young with time for many U turns for new directions.

[Palmguy]

Would you still feel this way for only 4 years AD?

I considered CEC right out of college but the service obligation was 7 years. Additionally, civil engineering is an awesome career but I hopefully have my whole life to do that in the civilian world. I can't call for fire in rush hour traffic though.

CEC is (or was when I signed my contract a decade ago) a 4 active/4 inactive reserve obligation.

Sent from my Galaxy Note 4 using Tapatalk

[DocGKR]

Rising to a senior NCO position in a SOF unit would be the ideal military job in many respects, and yes, a lot of NCO's are highly educated with great spouses and families.

But that is not the situation the OP has described. Enlisting as a 23 y/o college engineering grad w/2 years work experience and a serious personal relationship is a whole lot different than enlisting as a pre-college teenager w/no relationship obligations and lots of time to work up the ranks.

[Duke2424]

It is not just the salary differential.

You are a college graduate, if you enlist the majority of of your interactions with fellow peers will be with non-college educated teens. Think about that.

Ditto for your girlfriend/wife if she is able to move her job to wherever you are assigned and then repeatedly move as you do. She will have a very restricted social circle.

That or she stays and continues on with her current life while you go away for four years--neither are optimal for a good relationship...

Luckily she is a nurse, so finding a job wont be as difficult as most. I expect/hope the her social circles would center around her employment as they do now (we both took jobs several hours away from our home town). I following what your saying, I really am. Everything you say is going into the equation and I appreciate your frank perspective.

[Duke2424]

I'm not try to rain on your parade, but you did ask.

I did ask and I really appreciate the info you and everyone else has given.