Get Out of My Lane!

[Dagga Boy]

Todd, thank you for the best post on the internet.....ever. As a fellow offensive driver who believes that the hammer lane should have a 85 MPH minimum speed rule, I believe that my blood pressure issues are a result of the abuse of the #1 lane by societies drones. Can you please add the "If you are driving a Prius in the #1 lane at its maximum efficiency speed (usually 50 mph or less) in order to prevent others from using too much fuel and trying to save the earth from speeders and non fuel efficient vehicles......ramming is fully appropriate. In these cases Todd, you may want to move to the right for just a second to let those of us who drive vehicles measured in tonnage with big motors to move said offender and then we will fall in behind you to draft.

[bdcheung]

This works the other way, too.

If I'm in the farthest-right non-exit lane doing the speed limit, and you're tailgating me while there are no cars coming in the lane adjacent to us, then you can FOAD.

[Joe in PNG]

But do remember this one bit of advice- if all the cars with local tags- who have been cruising along at a comfortable margin over the limit previously- suddenly slow way down to the speed limit or below, well, this might be an indication of an upcoming opportunity to enhance the local government's revenues.

[hufnagel]

This works the other way, too.

If I'm in the farthest-right non-exit lane doing the speed limit, and you're tailgating me while there are no cars coming in the lane adjacent to us, then you can FOAD.

Again, I do so love it when people do this when I'm towing. It's so much fun though to reach down, grab the emergency activation switch for the trailer and lock up the wheels for a second. It generally gets their attention.
Really though, your grille is centered vertically in relation to the beaver tail on my trailer. If you pop into it I'll cleave the engine bay in half horizontally, and I probably won't even notice!

[Hatchetman]

• If you can't maintain the same speed while going uphill, downhill, or around a curve for fear of encountering a looming chasm and FALLING OFF THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, stay the fornication out of the left lane.

• If you are behind someone lingering in the left lane, you are morally obligated to try to get around him or at least stay out of the way of others trying to do so.

• If you are one of the folks mentioned above who get into left lane caravans with birds of a feather you are expressway cholesterol and deserve to spend eternity behind school busses on one way streets late for critical meetings.

• And, if your driving decisions are informed by ego, self esteem, testosterone or estrogen levels, or any other factor save the desire to safely get between points A and B as quickly as possible please put on your propeller hat, sit in the corner and leave the roads to the adults.

[orionz06]

It frustrates me right now just reading about all of these things. The thing I hate the worst are people who cannot drive a consistent speed, especially in a car that is sort of new, and those who cannot handle being passed.

[LOKNLOD]

By the beard of Zeus, maintain a proper momma-kittening following distance! I swear 90% of the problems I see in traffic are related to people being completely incapable of maintaining a large enough gap. Then cars can't merge in. So they stop. And the whole thing grinds to a damn crawl to stop and let them in, and they're backed up out on the adjacent ramp...it's like fracking kudzu overtaking the road system. All because impatient and/or oblivious a-holes were in a panic about getting where they're going 2 car lengths earlier.

[JAD]

If I'm behind you and you're behind an idiot going sixty in the fast lane, you can either relay my flashing lights or get out of the way. I know it's his fault. Your gestures are unnecessary.

Another one, while we're at it: my neighborhood does not have a fast lane. Do not go through it if you're in a hurry; I have a kid. And if you're on your phone while blazing past the SCHOOL across the street, hang up and die in a fire.


Jon
KC

[Timba]

By the beard of Zeus, maintain a proper momma-kittening following distance! I swear 90% of the problems I see in traffic are related to people being completely incapable of maintaining a large enough gap. Then cars can't merge in. So they stop. And the whole thing grinds to a damn crawl to stop and let them in, and they're backed up out on the adjacent ramp...it's like fracking kudzu overtaking the road system. All because impatient and/or oblivious a-holes were in a panic about getting where they're going 2 car lengths earlier.

This ^ (And keep right unless passing)

[LOKNLOD]

Another one, while we're at it: my neighborhood does not have a fast lane. Do not go through it if you're in a hurry; I have a kid. And if you're on your phone while blazing past the SCHOOL across the street, hang up and die in a fire.

A-freaking-men. The street in front of my home at the back end of the neighborhood is also not the place to test the acceleration or decibel levels of your crotch rocket, Harley, muscle car, tuner, or monster truck. Sorry my kids were playing with my fishing equipment, I don't know how that high-test fishing line got stretched between the brick mailboxes at jugular height, Mr. "blow the cobwebs out of my chopper at 10 pm" guy.

Also, if I liked your music, I'd listen to it myself. If I wanted test the ability of the F-word and racial slurs to vibrate a trunk lid at its resonant frequency, I'd take it up as a hobby. Meanwhile I hope a family of centipedes crawls up your urethra and plays a game of full contact 100-leg handball in your bladder while drinking sulphuric acid and shooting off bottle rockets.