It’s only been the last six years that I’ve been able to carry a concealed firearm legally. Though I have owned and shot handguns competitively for over 30 years, it was our move from Long Island, New York to New Hampshire in 2008 that fully opened the concealed carry door for me.
It was with great joy and anticipation that once we arrived in the Live Free or Die state, I filed the necessary CC license paperwork and less than a week later with license in-hand, began putting together an EDC rig consisting of a Walther PPS in 9mm and a Comp-Tac Minotaur IWB holster. After a few weeks of the obligatory test firing and familiarization of both pistol and holster, I began “carrying” at every available opportunity to do so.
Though entirely confident and competent with both the hardware and required CC mindset and legal knowledge, I believe it has been the trepidation from living in an anti-gun region that remains planted in my mind today – and I do not believe that is a bad thing. When I walk out the door carrying, my “programming” is far more processor-demanding then when I don’t.
Along with booting up my SA to a state of heightened alert, I also kick the risk-avoidance routine into high gear: no screwing around with the nearly 400 horsepower under the hood of my Subaru, and making sure my driving etiquette is set at its highest level. One thing I’ve learned for certain is that if you’re both a high performance car enthusiast and an avid fan of CC, mixing the two requires an even greater amount of self-discipline.
Maintaining full stealth and remaining fully concealed also places a load on the CPU, always being aware of where the pistol is on my person and making sure it remains out-of-sight, without being obvious that I’m doing so. Knowing what a LEO is trained to look for in a person suspected of carrying a concealed weapon has made me refine my self-check methods of making sure that the shirt/vest/sweater hasn’t gotten snagged on the butt of the pistol or some other wardrobe/holster malfunction hasn’t blown my cover. The more I’ve carried, the more I’ve refined my garment selection to ensure it functions as needed, but that stealth routine is always running somewhere in the background soaking up CPU resources.
Then there is the matter of tactics if I actually need to use the concealed weapon for justifiable use of deadly force. This is much like leaving Adobe Photoshop open all the time, always running “what if” scenarios in the background and knowing that if the S truly did HTF, my CPU would be pegged at 100% just dealing with the “right here, right now” life or death struggle. Additionally, always lurking somewhere in the back of my mind, the realization that if I survive the encounter the long legal battle that might ensue could ruin me, actively factoring into the engage/don’t engage decision making process.
It is all so demanding, so exhausting. Concealed carry is, quite frankly, a burden and pain in the mental ass. At least for me, I truly hope that it always remains that way.